Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Mexico1970]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Very nice joke hehe, great share bro

[CrybabyRonado7]

very funny joke thread, thks bros for sharing

[bigbirdbird]

A population control program had been introduced to the island, but the medical men were having trouble getting the women to take their birth control pills,

They decided, therefore, to concentrate on teaching the men to wear condoms.

One of the men who came in had had eight children in eight years, and the doctor told him that he absolutely had to wear a sheath.

He explained that as long as he wore it his woman could not have another baby.

About a month later, the wife came in and she was pregnant.

The doctor got very angry. He called the man in and gave him a long lecture through an interpreter. He asked the man why he hadn't worn the sheath.

The interpreter said, "He swears he did wear it. He never took it off."

The doctor shook his head. "In that case, ask him how in the hell his wife is pregnant again?"

"He says," said the interpreter, "that after six days he had to take a piss so badly that he cut the end off."

[bigbirdbird]

Ray and Bubba, two old Navy buddies, are on leave and decide to go to Bubba's house and get drunk.

Lo and behold they run out of beer, so Bubba says that he will go for more.

As he is leaving he tells his wife, Linda-Lou, to show Ray her best Southern hospitality.

She agrees.

Bubba comes back with the beer and finds Ray and Linda-Lou screwing right on the kitchen floor. Bubba yells, "What are you doing Linda-Lou?"

She replies, "You told me to show Ray my best Southern hospitality."

Bubba then says, "Well, girl, arch your back! Poor Ray's balls are on the cold floor!"

[bigbirdbird]

1) Expensive Pussy: Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive Pussy can be recognized by the following - fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of good pussy falls into this category.

Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great. Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion.

Often not worth it.

2) Cheap Pussy: Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap Pussy can be recognized by the following - she will often pay for dinner, understands when you are broke, calls every day, wants it constantly, easily hurt,
but shakes it off.

Advantages: Inexpensive, guaranteed, loving, will try anything once and sometimes twice. You're lucky if you find this.

Disadvantages: Won't go away, possessive, bugs you all the time, can keep you from the tasks of finding other pussy, will eventually want to get married and/or have children soon thus ruining it.

Often not worth it.

3) Hired Pussy: Found in the Hollywood area of Southern Cal and in every other large city in the US and abroad. Recognized by scanty clothes and come-hither looks. Expense varies greatly with the quality. The difference between Hired Pussy and Expensive Pussy is that the money is up-front.

Advantages: You don't have to stick around, won't tell your girlfriend,
doesn't care who you are or what you look like, often very experienced,
usually cheaper than Expensive Pussy.

Disadvantages: More expensive than Cheap Pussy in the long run, risk of disease is high, is illegal in most areas and the risk of jail time is high.

Often not worth it.

4) Virgin Pussy: This type is getting rarer each day. Recognized by conservative clothes, good manners, and a marked distaste for dirty jokes and porno movies. Can be very loving if you promise marriage, but will cause you more problems as you go along. Frustration level is high as Virgin Pussy tends to want to stay that way for some unknown reason.

Advantages: Risk of disease is very low, will offer a very tight "fit" if it gives in, sometimes open to new experience, will often offer "other" services if Virginity is to be maintained.

Disadvantages: Usually will not give in until marriage, will cause discomfort upon use, not very imaginative, not usually into using birth control which can cause "accidents", can only be used once.

Usually not worth it unless you're into that sort of thing.

5) Nympho Pussy: Very rare. Recognized by the tendency to drag you by your balls into bed and going at it to the point of exhaustion Very experienced, will teach you things you never knew. Expense varies depending on level of Nymphomania.

Advantages: Will send you into la-la land, will try anything once.

Disadvantages: You are probably not the only one, thus disease risk can be high, will tire you out and ask for more, can be unstable, will not
give a steady relationship.

Often not worth it.

6) Frigid Pussy: Less rare. See (4) for recognition. Difference is that this Pussy will not yield no matter what. Any expense involved is simply wasted (unless you are into real frustration).

Advantages: There are no advantages.

Disadvantages: Too many to list here. Best to stay away once recognized.

Never worth it.

7) Innocent Nympho Pussy: Rare. Recognized by being in a small, sweet, innocent package which you would never in a million years think would give in, but when it does, you are in for a hell of a surprise. Often mistaken for (4). Expense varies, but usually falls into the cheaper category.

Advantages: The surprise is blissful. Always worth it. Keep it if you can.

Disadvantages: If (4) is mistaken for (7), serious consequences may result. May or may not be faithful.

8) Party Pussy: Found at bars and at parties. Recognized by glass of wine in hand and bloodshot eyes. Will engage in group festivities while completely ripped. Expense usually covers drinks. Make sure you are not ripped as to better enjoy the experience.

Advantages: Easy to obtain unless you are real unlucky. Be sure to say the right things.

Disadvantages: Disease risk is high, will not usually remain faithful, the Support System may tend to puke all over you.

Often not worth it.

9) Nutsy Pussy: Support System has psychological problems. Recognized by the fact that she will go out with you, then spill her problems on you. May tend to kill you while you sleep. Gives in for no apparent reason..Usually found as a quiet co-worker.

Advantages: Easy.

Disadvantages: Never really worth it

[bigbirdbird]

A polar bear and a penguin were walking along the snowdunes one day when the polar bear fell down a chasm. Try as he might, the poor polar bear couldn't get out.The penguin did everything he could think of, but he couldn't rescue his friend.

Then a thought struck him! He said, "Hold on for a few minutes, I'll be right back!" He then ran off and returned in a few minutes driving his red Ferrarri. He backed it up to the edge of the chasm and tied a rope to the end. With his friend holding on to the rope, he was able to pull him out to safety.

After the polar bear thanked the penguin for saving his life, they continued on their walk. Later on that very same day, the penguin fell into a similar chasm. Now, as everyone knows, polar bears can't drive. So it looked bad for the penguin.

Then the polar bear had an idea! He allowed his penis to swing down into the chasm, all the way to the bottom. The penguin gladly used it to climb his way to the top!

The moral of this story is: If you have a big enough penis, you don't need a Ferrarri.

[weagree]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A population control program had been introduced to the island, but the medical men were having trouble getting the women to take their birth control pills,

They decided, therefore, to concentrate on teaching the men to wear condoms.

One of the men who came in had had eight children in eight years, and the doctor told him that he absolutely had to wear a sheath.

He explained that as long as he wore it his woman could not have another baby.

About a month later, the wife came in and she was pregnant.

The doctor got very angry. He called the man in and gave him a long lecture through an interpreter. He asked the man why he hadn't worn the sheath.

The interpreter said, "He swears he did wear it. He never took it off."

The doctor shook his head. "In that case, ask him how in the hell his wife is pregnant again?"

"He says," said the interpreter, "that after six days he had to take a piss so badly that he cut the end off."

Hahaha this is funny ROFL

[water_boi]

[water_boi]

[etsys]

Lol.

[DuoMillions]

Originally Posted by water_boi

Hahaha very true!

[Hurricane88]

*FAMILY JOKE*
*Mum: Who is the* *president of USA*?
*Son: I don't know!*
*Mum: (slaps son) It's* *Donald Trump, you idiot*. *Next time, concentrate on your studies!*
*After some time.*
*Son: Mum, who is Aunty Jemila?*
*Mum: I don't know!*
*Son: I wish l can slap* *you. Aunty Jemila is* *Daddy's girlfriend! Next time, concentrate more on your husband and leave* *America matter alone*
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[TheMoodyOne]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

*FAMILY JOKE*
*Mum: Who is the* *president of USA*?
*Son: I don't know!*
*Mum: (slaps son) It's* *Donald Trump, you idiot*. *Next time, concentrate on your studies!*
*After some time.*
*Son: Mum, who is Aunty Jemila?*
*Mum: I don't know!*
*Son: I wish l can slap* *you. Aunty Jemila is* *Daddy's girlfriend! Next time, concentrate more on your husband and leave* *America matter alone*
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Wahahaha good one bro

[bigbirdbird]

[Hurricane88]

Pic jokes...