The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by jemz

i married the one i loved most. but he turned out to be my worse nightmare.

Sometimes it may not be the best idea to marry the person you love the most. Love alone may not be enough to keep a marriage going. I did not marry the one I love the most but married my best friend. The relationship I have for >10yrs now is still tolerable (Note: Not Joyous) but I reckon its better than marrying the one I love the most and wrecking it forever.

[Mark26]

well...for me...i think the reason for marriage faiure due to
1) diff bg
2) in-law problem
3)unfaithulness
4)$

as for me..i think the main killer is different background and in-laws problem.. keep on threatening me..as if she some big shot..and finally..i move away from her social circle...and now tell everyone..that i bully her..and even hit her... (which i did not)

always throw things at me and ask for BMW, penthouse (condo) and more $$$.. btw.. she's rich and spoil with 2.5k of pocket $ from her dad.. and now still want more..just becoz her mum ask her to make me a bankrupt so i wont womanise around...

I never womanize around..although i do surf porn, come to Sammy but never visit engage in pay sex... during the marriage...

now...i think somethings..i do feel that bitches and bastards do spoil the marriage...and now trying to pick things up again... and live a life again... she's still happly driving her new purchased car...where i have to be "sacked" by her in her dad co...well hate to mention all this at a go..but she was indeed the gal i love..I USEd the WORD WAS....

now..i just don know should i try and give this relationship a chance..when she still havent change by bad mounthing me..and scolding me ...which she eventually told me that's what her mum said...

So mother in-law out here( if any) pls spare a though for your children and not bad mouth and sow discord abt them becoz of your past experience with guys(husbands)..which will eventually lead a termination of a happy relationship...

sigh...so stress that i typed so much...

[jintulan]

Originally Posted by Mark26

... btw.. she's rich and spoil with 2.5k of pocket $ from her dad.. and now still want more..just becoz her mum ask her to make me a bankrupt so i wont womanise around...

...where i have to be "sacked" by her in her dad co...well hate to mention all this at a go..but she was indeed the gal i love..I USEd the WORD WAS....

...i just don know should i try and give this relationship a chance..when she still havent change by bad mounthing me..and scolding me ...

sigh...so stress that i typed so much...

hey bro. Mark26,
sad to hear your story, here's my 2 cents or less.

looks like you are trapped between 3 sides(not just the normal 2);
1. $$$
2. rich spoiled wife
3. evil M-in-law

Is your situation something you are resigned to?
or
Are you thinking about making your own life better in some ways?

My suggestion is for you to take time off alone and sort out your feelings and thoughts. Hopefully, you will find out who/where you really want yourself to be after a few days of soul-searching.

[Mark26]

well thanks for the advice..i see what counselling can help....thank u

[hose_lover]

Well, the one you marry is the one you want to spend your entire life with.
So naturally she/he is the one you loved most.
Seems like if polygamy is legalised, then it will solve all these "the one you marry, is not the one you loved most" problem. But unfortunately, it is illegal here.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by hose_lover

Well, the one you marry is the one you want to spend your entire life with.
So naturally she/he is the one you loved most.
Seems like if polygamy is legalised, then it will solve all these "the one you marry, is not the one you loved most" problem. But unfortunately, it is illegal here.

I shudder to think what if polygamy is legalized. Even though I did not marry the one I love, I don't think I will marry both my wife and the one I love. Having 2 wives would probably send me to my grave faster... regardless if I love them or not. In fact, more so if I love one more than the other.

[linnaohia1]

Originally Posted by surfer888

I shudder to think what if polygamy is legalized. Even though I did not marry the one I love, I don't think I will marry both my wife and the one I love. Having 2 wives would probably send me to my grave faster... regardless if I love them or not. In fact, more so if I love one more than the other.

Hmm, if polygamy is legalised and my wife allows ... why not hehe ... can try mah, loving not one but 2 or 3 gals at same time .... possible????

[jintulan]

Originally Posted by linnaohia1

Hmm, if polygamy is legalised and my wife allows ... why not hehe ... can try mah, loving not one but 2 or 3 gals at same time .... possible????

depends who and where one is;
For an Arab, something is not right if he has only one wife.
In some countries, some can have four wives if one wishes. Objections from the first wife only provides reason to send her three SMS msgs to seal a divorce. One can almost immediately marry four new wives after that.

If you are a Singaporean, STOP DREAMING!

[linnaohia1]

Originally Posted by jintulan

depends who and where one is;
For an Arab, something is not right if he has only one wife.
In some countries, some can have four wives if one wishes. Objections from the first wife only provides reason to send her three SMS msgs to seal a divorce. One can almost immediately marry four new wives after that.

If you are a Singaporean, STOP DREAMING!

If only .....
BTW bro your nick and signature doesnt tally leh

[jintulan]

Originally Posted by linnaohia1

If only .....
BTW bro your nick and signature doesnt tally leh

nothing about me tally actually, glad you noticed.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by linnaohia1

Hmm, if polygamy is legalised and my wife allows ... why not hehe ... can try mah, loving not one but 2 or 3 gals at same time .... possible????

Possible but too tiring... and I'm not even talking about menage a trois here.

If given a choice now, I would rather be single. Cannot now but enjoying the fruits of marriage, children. If not for children, I would gladly be single.

Two wives, no way even if my wife permits... just double the nagging would probably kill me.

Btw, how come I received grey points from you?

[devil069]

Just read thru this thread. Somehow brought back memories for me. I married the one tat I did not love most cuz I misfired. Three years down the road and we got our own ways. I dun denied, even till today, I still think of my first gf, whom I loved the most even though we were still young.

Now being single, I can say that i m enjoying my lifestyle but somehow do feel bored at times. Trying to back back in love seems to be like climbing a mountain for me. Maybe when time comes, it may just be a marriage for company sake but dun really think it is for love.

[GhostRay]

Originally Posted by jemz

when i first came to this site, i was filled with horror

later on, i realize there could be so much to learn. i learnt ways to make him happy, to be the kind of wife any one of you here would die for.

i did that. i was that. i am all of that. i loved him. i cared for him and took care of the house. i was not a lousy wife and never lost the gf feeling. i wasn't perfect, but i tried to make everything to perfection the best i could.

im breaking up all inside. over and over again each time i think about all that i did and his response was cold. there wasn't anyone else. it was just him. i've given all that i could and there's nothing more to give.

he never believed one day, i will really pack and leave. now i've left for good. there's no point in saying sorry or to give another chance. he just wasnt there when i pleaded with him to make things work.

I would like to say sorry to all bro & sis firstly as this is quite a long post.

Some time people dun realise they have a treasure beside them till they are gone forever. Then they start regret, remorse, sob, cry, bang wall, do stuid thing. This is human. Never treasure till is lost FOREVER. Given so many chances but never taken or even considered.

Well, I am sure if he dun treasure you, other will. You did all in your might to do whatever thing you can. Of course you are not prefect, but who is? We can only try to make it more or almost but we can never be prefect.

I am glad you manage to take the 1st step out of your sorrow. I understand your feeling cos I got a colleague who have almost the same case but you fair better then her.

My female colleague same like you love her husband very much. Quit her job, do anything her husband told her to. Her husband is quite violent & sometime beat her up. Got a few times a few of us bring her to police station after a beating from her husband. Everytime she will say she forgive her cos she love him. No wonder they say Love is Blind & love almost got her blind as one of her eyes got a direct hit by him. Ask her to file for personal protection she refuse. Ask her to go, she refuse. Everything also refuse. She refuse to take the 1st step. Finally after few years, she finally take the 1st step away from him. Glad that they are divorce & my frd found a new partner that treasure her MUCH MUCH better than the previous one.

[jintulan]

Originally Posted by GhostRay

...Some time people dun realise they have a treasure beside them till they are gone forever. Then they start regret, remorse, sob, cry, bang wall, do stuid thing. This is human. Never treasure till is lost FOREVER. Given so many chances but never taken or even considered.
...

so true...
I guess this applies to everyone close to us, not just one's spouse/partner.

It is however not easy to perceive someone as a treasure, this perception is often stained with fights, disagreements, opposing opinions, likes, dislikes, etc... It really takes a lot to see through all this. I'm still trying after all these years.

[GhostRay]

Originally Posted by jintulan

so true...
I guess this applies to everyone close to us, not just one's spouse/partner.

It is however not easy to perceive someone as a treasure, this perception is often stained with fights, disagreements, opposing opinions, likes, dislikes, etc... It really takes a lot to see through all this. I'm still trying after all these years.

Totally, 100%, hand & leg all up in agreement with bro jintulan. It is very very hard. Sometime I often wonder is she my treasure especially after a disagreement.