The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?

[Deztruct]

Originally Posted by Malaysian Datuk

But if we dun think....more often we end up losing much more than just a chance....
Just 'discovered' this thread.....will read all the posts before posting again

sometimes..juz sometimes..we need to think with our heart and not our brain..its hard but sometimes things are juz this way

[JWNY]

Originally Posted by primalhunter

I guess we humans(man and woman) are most capable of being selfish. You can continue to criticize but there will always be ppl who think of their self first.

So it's the theory of "nice guys finish last" ?

JWNY

[OceanEleven]

Originally Posted by JWNY

I always think there would be no one better than my gf, because if i thought otherwise...i would be conceding an avenue for her to make mistakes, even before she is my wife

JWNY

The poignant side of life is that many wouldn’t even bat their eyelids when it comes to infidelity; perhaps it is the way of life and the much-anticipated influx of western culture that warped the fact that certain morals are still worth withstanding.

Looking around there are many battling with the idea of “moving on” with life with rational such as unable to be with the spouse even though no misdeed is done. Feelings and emotions are cast aside with even lesser room for a breather and remembering the good old days. Move on is what everyone is talking about here but the question is moving on to where?

Intellectually equipped but ethically deficit boggles the mind of many here. Even a simple task such as earning a living can be twisted by people into an exchange for a laid. What has the world comes to? Looking back, does the self proclaim more superior sexes have to succumb to such deceitful methods to get in one’s pants? Ironically yet many still thrive at such ideas with much aplomb. Where has the many years of moral education gone?

Many have yet to establish a foothold on current relationship and yet already set foot on yet another “expedition” seeking for cheap thrills, self declaring “Life’s short, one gotta do what makes you happy.” Perhaps when the day when one falls prey to such circumstances then it will be “Life’s short, what you do now will come back to haunt you soon.”

[randyboy73]

Originally Posted by OceanEleven

The poignant side of life is that many wouldn’t even bat their eyelids when it comes to infidelity; perhaps it is the way of life and the much-anticipated influx of western culture that warped the fact that certain morals are still worth withstanding.

Looking around there are many battling with the idea of “moving on” with life with rational such as unable to be with the spouse even though no misdeed is done. Feelings and emotions are cast aside with even lesser room for a breather and remembering the good old days. Move on is what everyone is talking about here but the question is moving on to where? .....”

Crossroads.... i know it is considered cliche, but the saying of "the grass is greener on the other side" does hold true to a great extent.

When i was dating my current wife 10 years ago, I always felt that I was giving out more than her, putting up with her possesive ways and foul temperament. So much so, that I eventually started seeking solace in flirting with my lady customers... the point is that I found almost any eligible gal to be better than my wife. I tried breaking off with her on so many occassions and each time she threatened to end her life... Looking back, I am not sure my retraction of the breakups was due to cowardice or the fact that I actually did feel something for her. Anyway, 4 years into the relationship, I proposed another breakup, this time, things got so bad that she almost jumped in front of the bus.. IMHO she seemed so hysterical.. anyway, to make up for it, I stupidly agreed to ROM (our HDB flat was on the way oredi)... We had avery nice wedding the next year and eventually tried to work out our marriage life... nice at first, but problems such as jealousy, working commitments and loneliness started to creep in. Things got bad.. I was accused of neglecting her due to my hectic and long working hours. Eventually I had the feeling she was seeing somebody behind my back... when I confronted her about my suspicions and some of the lies that she had told me (the usual thing about who she was with, where she had been etc), she refused to admit... that was also the time I reverted to my old playing ways and started finding "kangtao" out there... eventually, I met tis PRC gal (2 yrs later) who made me feel good.. this PRC gal is actually older than me but looks reali great and was superb in bed... sorry for digressing, I quarelled with my wife constantly and eventually moved out to stay with my PRC galfriend.... during this time, I tried to initiate a divorce, but my wife would not hear of it... I left her in the empty house every night to go back to my girlfirend's house, thinking that my wife would eventually give up and acede to my demands. this lasted for almost 8 months... Anyway, to cut the long story short, some incidents happened along the way which resulted in me coming to my senses that me and my PRC gal would not work out.. constrasting character, differing moral values, opposite goals in life and lastly totally different lifestyles... we eventually split up and I moved home...

It has been almost half a year since I have moved back home... I still feel guilty at leaving my wife alone for that whole 8 months.. but when I was in the relationship with my PRC gal, all I could think of was to divorce my wife to be with my gf and that I would eventually marry her.... On hindsight, I am glad that my relationship with my gf did not work out... cause the entire incident has changed my wife. She is now tolerant, stops losing her temper at me and more importantly, she reinforced her love for me and mine to her (Stand By your Man.... sung by tammy winnette).... In short, the woman i thought I was forced to marry (due to my cowardice), was the woman that loved me the most. The woman I thought I loved the most (my prc gf), turned out to be the woman I thought I could not live without... guess I was wrong on the latter though, as I can safely say that my wife is actually the one that i love the most and not that I cannot live without, but the one that I will never want to live without....

to my brothers and sisters out there.. the grass is always greener on the other side. fate plays a strange game and sometimes, you never know it is over till the fat lady sings...... so especially to the bros out there who are tempted to leave their marriages, don be too hasty... the wife is never always the wrong choice.... BTW, i have known my wife (dating and married)for 11 years and for the first time, i can safely say that I have never been happier.. good luck to all of you out there!

[ChinaAlleWay]

Originally Posted by randyboy73

Crossroads.... i know it is considered cliche, but the saying of "the grass is greener on the other side" does hold true to a great extent.

to my brothers and sisters out there.. the grass is always greener on the other side. fate plays a strange game and sometimes, you never know it is over till the fat lady sings...... so especially to the bros out there who are tempted to leave their marriages, don be too hasty... the wife is never always the wrong choice.... BTW, i have known my wife (dating and married)for 11 years and for the first time, i can safely say that I have never been happier.. good luck to all of you out there!

the one that i love the most and not that I cannot live without, but the one that I will never want to live without....
Very nice qoute.. =)
chinaalleway

[primalhunter]

Originally Posted by JWNY

So it's the theory of "nice guys finish last" ?

JWNY

Pretty much bro. We should actually say " nice guys/gals finish last"

[randyboy73]

Originally Posted by ChinaAlleWay

the one that i love the most and not that I cannot live without, but the one that I will never want to live without....
Very nice qoute.. =)
chinaalleway

tks bro.. JMHO!

[Thai Rak Thai]

Originally Posted by OceanEleven

“Life’s short, what you do now will come back to haunt you soon.”

this is good. straight to the point. up u bro...

[tellmiwhy]

i saw a quote somewhere which i cannot remember but i think its nice. it jus say something like:

"key to a sucessful marriage is nt abt finding someone u love, it abt loving the person that u had found."

any bros/sis agree wif it?

[JWNY]

Originally Posted by tellmiwhy

"key to a sucessful marriage is nt abt finding someone u love, it abt loving the person that u had found."

Ok...this song may suit this line..

JWNY

Bryan Adams (Feat. Barbara Streisand)
Song: I Finally Found Someone

Ohh yeah...mmmmm

I finally found someone, who knocks me off my feet,
I finally found the one, who makes me feel complete.

It started over coffee,
We started off as friends,
Its funny how from simple things,
The best things begin.

This time its different, (nah nah nah nah)
Its all because of you, (nah nah nah nah)
Its better than its ever been,
Cause we can talk it through...

My favorite line,
Was can i call you sometime?
Its all you had to say,
To take my breath away.

Chorus:

This is it,
Oh i finally found someone,
Someone to share my life, i finally found the one,
To be with everynight
Cause whatever i do, its just got to be you
My life has just begun, i finally found someone

Did i keep you waiting? i didn't mind.
I apologize. Baby thats fine.
I will wait forever just to know you were mine.
You know i love your hair, are you sure it looks right?
I love what you wear, isnt it too tight?
Your exceptional, i cant wait for the rest of my life...

Repeat Chorus

Cause whatever i do, its just got to be you
Oh my life has just begun...i finally found...someone.

[jonah11]

Originally Posted by JWNY

For me personally, i try not to compare as there is no end to comparison. There will always be 2 sides to a coin...there will always be 2 outcomes. Sometimes, we get the "worse off" side of the coin because of our decisions. I always think there would be no one better than my gf, because if i thought otherwise...i would be conceding an avenue for her to make mistakes, even before she is my wife

JWNY

Bro, thanks for your advice. I have this feeling only when I am with her. With my ex gf, I agree with what you said. Just her and her only. Probably also, my ex gf was more chio and more friendly as a person.

With my current gf, she takes good care of me. But she has a bad temper and at times she bully me esp when she is an extremely smart woman.

Physically, she is not very good looking. But I stick with her cos she really takes good care of me.

Since at times because of her looks, I cannot bring myself to kiss her properly. And worse, I still frequent HCs and Geylangs to satisfy what she could not satisfy me.

[tellmiwhy]

Originally Posted by JWNY

Ok...this song may suit this line..

JWNY

cool bro jwny. thanks.

rather than trying to compare the person beside u wif somebody else who fulfil ur "ideal gf" fantasy, might as well learn to slowly appreaciate watever she has and learn to love her more?

i stil remember gigi leung quoted in a shw (i cannot remember the name) askin the male actor who kips complaining that her current gf has alot of flaws. "u always say that she has alot of flaws, but did she ever complain abt ur flaws?" i think its something like tat....after that shw, i've learnt to appreciate my gf mre as i also didn't remember her complaining abt me although i told her the things tat i dun like abt her.

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

Originally Posted by tellmiwhy

i stil remember gigi leung quoted in a shw (i cannot remember the name) askin the male actor who kips complaining that her current gf has alot of flaws. "u always say that she has alot of flaws, but did she ever complain abt ur flaws?" i think its something like tat....after that shw, i've learnt to appreciate my gf mre as i also didn't remember her complaining abt me although i told her the things tat i dun like abt her.

love is abt acepting what she is and not digging up all the flaws he/she has.humans are like that,not many will knw or even accept their own flaws.learn to be appreciative or what u have now and be happy abt it.dont brood and grieve over when it's gone,by then it will be too late.

[tellmiwhy]

Originally Posted by Shuang_Jie_Gun

love is abt acepting what she is and not digging up all the flaws he/she has.humans are like that,not many will knw or even accept their own flaws.learn to be appreciative or what u have now and be happy abt it.dont brood and grieve over when it's gone,by then it will be too late.

agree wif u bro. but like u've said. alot of human are like tat, when they dun have it, they try every ways to get it. when they've gt it, they take it for granted. after they've lost it, they regretted it. seems like thats the case for alot of my friends.

no offence by quoting "it" as i m refering generalli to alot of things and nt onli relationships.

cheers!

[JWNY]

Originally Posted by jonah11

Since at times because of her looks, I cannot bring myself to kiss her properly. And worse, I still frequent HCs and Geylangs to satisfy what she could not satisfy me.

In my honest opinion, this is not a healthy sign, long term. Who deosn't want to make love most to that special someone rather than someone else? You should try to remedy this bro...slowly

Is she apprehensive or...?

JWNY