Understanding Vietnamese Life Partner

[SingViet]

Originally Posted by serioussillyguy

Some bros here married a viet as wife for years..how u feel about their character and emotional?

Do you bros here felt that most viet gals initally u start dating are well known for their soft spoken,caring, loving character...after a year or 2 in relationship, they r infact very sensitive example if we sing guys support n help their familes, they will related the whole matters when arguement starts between husband n wife thru hanbands got no sure intention..when they angry, they can hang up phone for a week or two...to torture u?

we come to the same point again on how you can `brain-wash' your wife to accept the fact that you and children are more important than her useless family back home. If after a few years of marriage, she still depend on you solely for money to feed her whoile family, then it spells trouble. My wife hardly ask me to send money to her parents, its me who always want to give some small token of 1 oe 2 million VND. Only once in a while, like this Moon Cake festival that my wife ask me to send 1.5 million VND for her parents to buy some food and fruits for praying.

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by serioussillyguy

Some bros here married a viet as wife for years..how u feel about their character and emotional?

Do you bros here felt that most viet gals initally u start dating are well known for their soft spoken,caring, loving character...after a year or 2 in relationship, they r infact very sensitive example if we sing guys support n help their familes, they will related the whole matters when arguement starts between husband n wife thru hanbands got no sure intention..when they angry, they can hang up phone for a week or two...to torture u?

Think you dun understand vn gal culture enough to marry them...alot had been discussed in this thread...if you let your vn wife run your life then you will have a very tiring experience...better start brain wash them before too late...from your post it seems that you are not staying together yet...good luck...

[SingViet]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Think you dun understand vn gal culture enough to marry them...alot had been discussed in this thread...if you let your vn wife run your life then you will have a very tiring experience...better start brain wash them before too late...from your post it seems that you are not staying together yet...good luck...

I agree with Bro Hurricane88. You have to run your life yourself and you also have to run your vn spouse's life. One thing that i know i will never do is to let my wife run the finances. When i first got married with my wife, she requested to run the finances. I refused. I know if she runs the finances, we will always be broke and even be in huge debt as her family will try all ways to suck every penny from us. Husband of vietnamese spouses need to be the stronger and decisive party as most of the vietnamese spouses are not highly educated and thus lack knowledge in most areas and to make things worse, the pressure from their family. treat your viet spouse well and she will treat you even better. Communicate and explain to her your difficulties and discuss on how both of you can work towards a better tomorrow.

[cashier]

Originally Posted by SingViet

I agree with Bro Hurricane88. You have to run your life yourself and you also have to run your vn spouse's life. One thing that i know i will never do is to let my wife run the finances. When i first got married with my wife, she requested to run the finances. I refused. I know if she runs the finances, we will always be broke and even be in huge debt as her family will try all ways to suck every penny from us. Husband of vietnamese spouses need to be the stronger and decisive party as most of the vietnamese spouses are not highly educated and thus lack knowledge in most areas and to make things worse, the pressure from their family. treat your viet spouse well and she will treat you even better. Communicate and explain to her your difficulties and discuss on how both of you can work towards a better tomorrow.

never ever let ur wife run the finance. it is what is left of a man's pride in this screwed up feminist singapore world (fucked up woman charter).

[cashier]

latest news abt vietnam bride agency in singapore


Diva - American flies to S'pore to find a Vietnam bride

[casannova03]

Originally Posted by serioussillyguy

Some bros here married a viet as wife for years..how u feel about their character and emotional?

As with any other relationships, vietnamese wives notwithstanding, there is always the honeymoon period. This is the time when you date and enjoy with no serious thoughts about the future. You enjoy the moments as it is and that is all that matters.

However, when you decide to settle down, many important issues will crop up and you will have to make serious decisions on how the two of you want to live together. This is the start of the testing times between any couples as you will start to make many decisions together. Of course, with issues to be handled, the instances of disagreements increases as well. So it is not fair to compare to the times when you first know your partner.

Character wise, they tend to be more family oriented and takes care of the family. Initially, their thoughts will be on their family back home cos that's about the only family they have. Like bro SingViet have mentioned, it will be crucial that you slowly let her know that your very own family right here in SIngapore needs attention as well. Without kids, I would say its somewhat harder to convince them. With kids, you might find the convincing part much easier.

Emotionally wise, I feel although they always appear strong on the outside, they are actually quite fragile on the inside. Which means to say that they still very much depend on you for emotional support. Think of it this way- They are in a foreign country with no or limited friends. Unlike yourself, you grew up in SG and have many friends and kakis and activities to choose from. They only have u and a handful of friends. So its pivotal that you allocate enough time and attention to her.

Depending on how you know her, you might want to minimise her contact with some friends especially those that she knows from her previous night-spot stints - for obvious reasons!

I think I mentioned this before but I'll say it again - Most of them will just keep quiet and refuse to tell you why they are furious with you. They feel that since you have done something to infuriate them, its your duty to find out why and then pacify them.

However, just remember that most of them are 嘴硬心软 or "mouth hard heart soft" so just be the gentlemen and coax a little to find out what's wrong.

[Kualalumpur]

Originally Posted by retsoor

There's 85 million people here...and many are making serious money. We foreigners are merely poor guys. Even compared to our 23 yo local assistants.

I just fired again all of my staff, restarting with new ones. Wonder why

Same story as you, some of my employees went really wealthy, except that I backtraced everything, and investigated all, forced my customers to speak. I had a VN company in my company and I was earning about half of the total customer portfolio money The customers, foreigners, were too happy to get bargains and such from my workers, so they never informed to me until I forced them.

They can have a lot of money very quickly as your example, now if you cool down, sit down, and think carefully like I did. How come they can have that much money so fast? There is absolutely no honest business that can bring you so much money in such a short time. Even if you are the perfect businessman, apart from very, very few exceptions. I have seen my driver getting as well a house at a couple hundred thousands USD, this kind of things. No wonder, they had a dishonest way to earn that money.

That's one of Vietnam worst problem in the time being and the future. Many must control their envy for money at any cost, without caring about anything, honor, integrity, honesty. Then it will be fine.

Originally Posted by serioussillyguy

Some bros here married a viet as wife for years..how u feel about their character and emotional?

Do you bros here felt that most viet gals initally u start dating are well known for their soft spoken,caring, loving character...after a year or 2 in relationship, they r infact very sensitive example if we sing guys support n help their familes, they will related the whole matters when arguement starts between husband n wife thru hanbands got no sure intention..when they angry, they can hang up phone for a week or two...to torture u?

I would say from my experience that they are not that soft speaking and caring, except a handful. They are trained to play like that to find a husband or sponsor. Afterwards, their depth is a bit different.

They want to manage everything, and I witnessed many of my friends who were weak being converted from a man to a kind of obedient snail, by fear of the screams, shouts, beats - quite a lot can beat you for a "yes" or a "no" that they did not like, after a few months or years of "happy wedding".

You must make the things very clear, if she is angry and there is no apparent reason, you must be double angry, not be afraid and apologise, or you loose.

Many women here have a special way to make the men feel guilty. That's the men fault, so the men must do better, be sweeter. We call this "dog training of the husbands".

You must break this training, do not abide to any of their habits in the house, break the habits, then you can see how they are really, and decide if they are good wives or not. They want to buy this today? Make them wait tomorrow. They want to put the oven on the left of the kitchen set? Put it on the right because "you like it". See their reaction. More often than not, many will start to be angry, because it is not "as they want it".

They must be used to, because many things will not be "as they want" in their future. You cannot abide to everything they say, want, need, want you to do, or it means that at the end you are nothing more than a robot, like many husbands I have seen, work, bring the money home for the "family" whatever it means, including your own child, and go to work the next day. Forbidden to see this friend, because you wife does not like it, forbidden to talk with that one on the phone, because you wife does not like it, etc... until you just become a working machine to bring back the money at home for the "family".

You must have a very strong personality to engage with a Vietnamese woman, or you will be broken and become a larvae. I have seen too many of them, bleak looking, their eyes exhausted, and saying that they are "very happy" because they are forced to say like that as an habit forced by their wives.

I have been a bit like that some years ago, so I know what I am talking about, and that woman was not at all a bar girl. A strange mixture of love, tenderness, and bitter, angriness to try to train me, torture me. Speak every day about "my" bad habits, repeat, scream it, shout it, hang up the phone. Then a day later say that she loves me, she needs me... Few hours after, again the same story about the bad habits -nothing to be shy of-, just to keep people in weak condition. I dropped after few months

One last thing, if you do not like any of her friends for obvious reasons - with the Vietnamese husband they would never dare to keep contact with all of their former boyfriends, with a foreigner husband, it is orgasmic, get the former viet boyfriend and the actual husband to meet each other, and still take a drink or whatever with their former boyfriends -, tell her you do not want her to see any of her former boyfriends or bad friends from before, very strong. The first time you notice, tell her and be angry, do not accept any explanation - I know why I said that, I have been a carrot before - the second time, be more angry, the third time, no matter the consequences, throw her out INSTANT, wife, girlfriend or otherwise. It means that woman is already contaminated, and there is nothing good to expect in the medium to far future. Trust me on that.

Sorry if I am a bit bitter, that's just my experience and the one of several of my friends. I found out there are less problems if the Vietnamese wife is moved OUT of Vietnam before it's too late.

[cashier]

Originally Posted by Kualalumpur

I just fired again all of my staff, restarting with new ones. Wonder why

Same story as you, some of my employees went really wealthy, except that I backtraced everything, and investigated all, forced my customers to speak. I had a VN company in my company and I was earning about half of the total customer portfolio money The customers, foreigners, were too happy to get bargains and such from my workers, so they never informed to me until I forced them.

They can have a lot of money very quickly as your example, now if you cool down, sit down, and think carefully like I did. How come they can have that much money so fast? There is absolutely no honest business that can bring you so much money in such a short time. Even if you are the perfect businessman, apart from very, very few exceptions. I have seen my driver getting as well a house at a couple hundred thousands USD, this kind of things. No wonder, they had a dishonest way to earn that money.

That's one of Vietnam worst problem in the time being and the future. Many must control their envy for money at any cost, without caring about anything, honor, integrity, honesty. Then it will be fine.



I would say from my experience that they are not that soft speaking and caring, except a handful. They are trained to play like that to find a husband or sponsor. Afterwards, their depth is a bit different.

They want to manage everything, and I witnessed many of my friends who were weak being converted from a man to a kind of obedient snail, by fear of the screams, shouts, beats - quite a lot can beat you for a "yes" or a "no" that they did not like, after a few months or years of "happy wedding".

You must make the things very clear, if she is angry and there is no apparent reason, you must be double angry, not be afraid and apologise, or you loose.

Many women here have a special way to make the men feel guilty. That's the men fault, so the men must do better, be sweeter. We call this "dog training of the husbands".

You must break this training, do not abide to any of their habits in the house, break the habits, then you can see how they are really, and decide if they are good wives or not. They want to buy this today? Make them wait tomorrow. They want to put the oven on the left of the kitchen set? Put it on the right because "you like it". See their reaction. More often than not, many will start to be angry, because it is not "as they want it".

They must be used to, because many things will not be "as they want" in their future. You cannot abide to everything they say, want, need, want you to do, or it means that at the end you are nothing more than a robot, like many husbands I have seen, work, bring the money home for the "family" whatever it means, including your own child, and go to work the next day. Forbidden to see this friend, because you wife does not like it, forbidden to talk with that one on the phone, because you wife does not like it, etc... until you just become a working machine to bring back the money at home for the "family".

You must have a very strong personality to engage with a Vietnamese woman, or you will be broken and become a larvae. I have seen too many of them, bleak looking, their eyes exhausted, and saying that they are "very happy" because they are forced to say like that as an habit forced by their wives.

I have been a bit like that some years ago, so I know what I am talking about, and that woman was not at all a bar girl. A strange mixture of love, tenderness, and bitter, angriness to try to train me, torture me. Speak every day about "my" bad habits, repeat, scream it, shout it, hang up the phone. Then a day later say that she loves me, she needs me... Few hours after, again the same story about the bad habits -nothing to be shy of-, just to keep people in weak condition. I dropped after few months

One last thing, if you do not like any of her friends for obvious reasons - with the Vietnamese husband they would never dare to keep contact with all of their former boyfriends, with a foreigner husband, it is orgasmic, get the former viet boyfriend and the actual husband to meet each other, and still take a drink or whatever with their former boyfriends -, tell her you do not want her to see any of her former boyfriends or bad friends from before, very strong. The first time you notice, tell her and be angry, do not accept any explanation - I know why I said that, I have been a carrot before - the second time, be more angry, the third time, no matter the consequences, throw her out INSTANT, wife, girlfriend or otherwise. It means that woman is already contaminated, and there is nothing good to expect in the medium to far future. Trust me on that.

Sorry if I am a bit bitter, that's just my experience and the one of several of my friends. I found out there are less problems if the Vietnamese wife is moved OUT of Vietnam before it's too late.

good read. i believe some singapore woman also beat their husband to submission

[serioussillyguy]

thks bro for all the replies n really appreciate tat.

I believed most bros married viet wife are their first marriage?mine a bit complicated...can only said she has waited for me few years n i sensed tat the reasons her emotion nowaday behave liked bear n bull mkt.Hope on the day i marry her everything tuned back to normal.

[serioussillyguy]

i would say most foreigners took them quite a bit of time to understand our marriage n separation systems here. Especially if they r not even long term staying in sing yet.

Being travelling in & out often to viet. I have seen kind of husbands ended up liked wat those bros mentioned earlier. In vietnam, most of them r taiwanese man who settled down with younger wife in viet. U can see them in marketplace, their behavior are just liked dogs being chained up.haha

[Kualalumpur]

Originally Posted by serioussillyguy

thks bro for all the replies n really appreciate tat.

I believed most bros married viet wife are their first marriage?mine a bit complicated...can only said she has waited for me few years n i sensed tat the reasons her emotion nowaday behave liked bear n bull mkt.Hope on the day i marry her everything tuned back to normal.

If you waited a few years, most likely you have to find another one, sorry to say that. And if you marry her, it will be possibly worse. You have to pay people around her house to find out if she has other boyfriends. There is a certain Vietnamese solidarity, so you have to overcome it and put 50US on the table to a Xe om to watch, and another 200USD if he reports to you who is the other. Do not even question if there is another one, there is one for sure.

A standard Vietnamese girl who stays virgin at any cost before wedding is no problem, but once they have had sex once, they can go out with many men, because they will not offer themselves as virgin, except surgery, so they do not need to care, why not enjoy, and try several boyfriends to see who is the most fit as a husband?

I have seen countless cases of foreigners waiting to marry their girlfriend in Vietnam, and nearly as many where the girl had another boyfriend, vietnamese or foreigner, backed up by her own parents, friends, and everything.

When foreigner carrot comes to Vietnam, no one talks about the second boyfriend, the foreigner is received in the family as normal, do not feel anything. Because the foreigner is more interesting, the girl keeps the viet boyfriend, who knows the whole picture. Sometimes he will be behind that girl life long, and the foreigner husband will never feel it. The girls are master in hiding their lovers, to a point you cannot even believe it.

When they are not too confident, they will have 2-3-4 complete 'set ups of life'.

Boyfriend A arrives, it is restaurant A, C,G, friend 1,2,3,4, hotel 1, and working colleagues A and B, go to cinema in that place, sex like a first timer like boyfriend A likes, and talk about disgusting sex practices.

Boyfriend B arrives, restaurant B,E,F, never go to cinema, because she does not like, never go out with work colleagues A and B, because they are real bastards that cheated her, go to night club A, do anal sex and whatever boyfriend B likes.

The parents welcome boyfriend A and B as the futur husband, accept the gifts, and everything from boyfriend A and B. I do not mean only low level families, medium and high level families are the same.

One of my friends and me went through that, and I know another girl like that.

She came to see me because her husband was crazy after her and wanted to divorce. She did not see anything wrong to have 2 boyfriend at the same time until they married physically - not even engaged-, and she told me that in Vietnam it is normal, but after being married it is "different". She wanted me to talk with her husband to persuade him that it is normal. and that he is to be 'send to the hospital for crazy people' because he wanted to divorce her few months after wedding.

Background of the story, she had 2 boyfriend foreigners at the same time, conservative with one, her future husband, wild crazy sex machine with the other - ass licking, fisting. Former was few years older than her, latter was 59 when she was 23 and liked to have videos of their sex performances.

Latter her husband found some emails with vids and pictures of sexual intercourses including a long ass licking session, and confirmed by her, video taken 2 months before the wedding ceremony, 1 scanned letter from her parent to be grateful for the holidays he paid for the whole family, etc... My friend who is married with her showed me that, really hard to believe.

She explained there was nothing wrong, because:

- It was before being married
- She had the right to have several boyfriends and choose.
- Her parents and her should never have refused the gift, they are educated and from a high class family, so it is clear they did not accept for the money
- If the second boyfriend was blind and paid for her too much, it is not her fault, he should have been careful, that's it.
- Sex tapes circulating at her husband work are nothing, because her husband - european foreigner- just have to explain to his work colleagues that it is from 'before wedding', and it is normal for a girlfriend and a boyfriend. She is tired by my friend and very angry because he complains that his reputation is broken.

Frankly, if there were videos of your wife licking the ass of a 60 years old man circulating at your work, you would accept it if the video was taken 2 months before your wedding

If her husband is angry because he discovered all of that, and found out that she is using a lot of LV bags, watches, clothes, paid by the other man before, it is because her husband is stupid and crazy. She beat him many times in the last months because he 'upsetted her' with those stories.

It was so funny when she told me the story, she found she was the perfect wife 'since they married', why my friend complains about her having 2 boyfriends for 3 years before wedding, the sex videos, the sex pictures, the gifts, the appointment with her former boyfriend just to take a coffee (that one seems to be a classical, I got that, and several of my friends as well), etc ?

According to her he was completely insane to be disgusted, there was nothing wrong, because all of that was before they married (some 7 weeks before ) and I had to persuade him to 'control himself'. I just push him to divorce now, as I feel the danger.

In Vietnam I cannot think of any girl waiting seriously her future foreigner husband to marry her. It is parties, others boyfriends, etc... because most think they have the right to before they marry according to them, and they can hide. Sorry to say that.

Originally Posted by serioussillyguy

Being travelling in & out often to viet. I have seen kind of husbands ended up liked wat those bros mentioned earlier. In vietnam, most of them r taiwanese man who settled down with younger wife in viet. U can see them in marketplace, their behavior are just liked dogs being chained up.haha

Taiwanese are one group, look at the westerners or US, or Australian. It is worse even. Most of them are completely under control, turn right when their wife tell them to do so. Most of them have huge screams inside their house when they try to think by themselves, they are being tortured, but they no longer have the will to do anything.

The main problem is that quite a lot of people who just come for few days or weeks a year to VN will not believe such really common stories, until it happens to them. Many foreigners are completely broken and dog trained, and they will not dare to speak to even their closest friends.

One more thing you must keep in mind, when you divorce a vietnamese, if you stay in Vietnam, her and her family will do everything, even really dirty, to throw you out of Vietnam. I witnesses that several times. You must accept to both loose your family, see your child once per month, and loose your work and business when you divorce. That's why many people are scared to divorce, they have nothing, their wives control more or less everything. If you are employed, it is easier, but if you are your own boss, you may have to accept to go out of Vietnam, restart everything with little money. That's why it is always safest to move out of VN when you are married, or keep work and bank accounts in and out of Vietnam.

They want to explain to everyone that they had to divorce the dirty cheating foreigner to save their face.

[serioussillyguy]

Tks KLbros,

I agree with your msg,many years stay in and out vietnam, i have see wat you mentioned both in HCM n village people.

My finances nor nothing have been in control by her or her family. I won't like bros who want to deceive themselves liked: "my gf sure only loyal to me".

To me a relationship is all about mutual trust.Vitenamese gals is being well known for hiding bf even they have married overseas. this not only happens in Viet land.One story her cousin married singland 3 years ago, give birth to cute gal, every few mths she go back visit her parent, even few days in viet, she having great time w her bf, with her family backup as cover.her older age husband still working hard in singland dun know wat happening there at same time.

Her village got 1 17yo beautiful gal once taste the 1st time by her ahbeng bf, everyfew weeks heard she having sex w xxx, next week breakoff with who, go with who...all these character is about individual.

But what u mentioned is very true.those things happened very very common for viet. i think all is about lack of family teaching since the way they r brought up in that poor viet land.

[Kualalumpur]

Originally Posted by serioussillyguy

Tks KLbros,
But what u mentioned is very true.those things happened very very common for viet. i think all is about lack of family teaching since the way they r brought up in that poor viet land.

I have a different view. To my mind they are taught about money, fun, great life, TV - I cannot count how many believe the Hollywood movies to be true to real life -, and 'saving the face'. Their whole life is driven by 'saving their face' and 'saving their family face'.

It is a special permit to do everything, even the most disgusting, at the sole mandatory condition that no one can prove it and that their face is kept clean in public therefore. They learn how to do, and they do it successfully. That's it.

Another note that I know first and second hand, another trick from women who want to break or divorce is to make a complete sexual strike, beat, scream, avoid their husband to sleep, etc... Because the husband still has hope, or has child, he tries to stand of that, ends up with a girlfriend, and that's exactly what his wife was waiting for. Scream, shout, police, mess, and she can divorce of that dirty foreigner. Be very careful if you are married, never take a girlfriend until you are divorced, take clear sharp decision for the divorce, never try to wait to see later, or you are done nicely sooner or later.

[sammyboyfor]

This thread seems to just drone on and on and on.....

I guess the time has come for me to ask the most basic of questions... shouldn't the emphasis be on "Making Vietnamese Life Partners understand YOU!"?

Have SG men forgotten how to wear trousers?

[SingViet]

Aiyoh, the thing is very simple.

(1) There's a high chance that your viet wife is having a viet bf back home in Vietnam if she goes back `home' very often.

(2) Foreigners are dumb ass in vietnam. Easy to con and easy to satify with sex. If you think with your dick with a viet gal, the likelihood of you being con to your last dick hair is very high.

(3) Why are we foreigners called DUMB ASS in vietnam? because we trust our viet gals too much, allowing them to dictate us with their lam tinh offers.

(4) Whether you like it or not, anything is possible with MONEY in vietnam. If you are still thinking that singapore cannot do this, so vietnam also cannot do. Then you seriously need to find out more about vietnam.

(5) even if you speak lots of tieng viet but cannot understand their culture too much, then go ahead and trust your GF 100%. Look at all their tricks, they are similiar. But why are so many singaporean man still falling for it? its because too many singapore man lack love and sex and viet gals know this is crucial .

No matter what, no use thinking so much. Some gals will change after some time while majoirty will not. It depends on your luck and how you try to change your viet spouse and let her understand you more.