Tirak Problems - Woes or Joys

Hi all,

There are definately some responses to the "Tirak Problems" and must say that "The Unforgiven" has made some great contributions by clearly stating all the pitfalls by getting emotionally attached to a working girl. After all, the girls in commercial sex are doing it to make money. There is certainly no such thing as a "happy hooker"......although it is part of the male's fantasy to assume as such.

One of my colleagues introduced me to this forum this year and is certainly entertaining to read people's comments and i have to admit.......brings back some cheeky memories.

First of all, I'm a newbie at this forum and this is my first contribution. There are a lot of warnings in this forum about getting involved with a working girl and reasonably so. I have a very personal experience which I would like to share with others.

About 10 years ago, I stopped all my escapades to brothels, massage houses, etc after meeting this girl at a nightclub. I fell in love with her straight-away.....although it took her longer to do so with me. We enjoyed eachother's company and the relationship looked like it was going to be a serious one. Of course, I told her I used to frequent brothels, and she listened.........after 3 months......she told me her secret.

She couldn't keep a lie anymore.......she admited that she was still a working girl then.....and would still continue to do so.......and that i had to decide if I could handle this reality. My world went into turmoil. Questions poured into my mind which answers I could not provide. This was also something I couldn't just talk to my friends about.....after all, they had all met her and thought we were a great couple. If I thought I was alone before she entered my life.......I was certainly more alone now. As Alanis Morrisette's song goes....."isn't it ironic...don't you think...."

Karma? Maybe.......I had to confront my own demons. Cheongsters out there would've probably shifted the gear into reverse and flown out of the relationship. I decided to stay. Why? Well, after all........love is about loving someone for who they are and not what they do right? Perhaps......maybe I was testing myself......was I that superficial. Or maybe if this "opportunity" to love is closed....i would never find love again. If this all sound "pathetic" to you......remember.......this is my experience and yes.....i was lonely back then. I thought to myself....."working girls are human too.......they need affectionate like others.

.....She continued to work.......and I stayed faithful to her. Like she said to me...."Love don't pay the bills". My job couldn't support the 2 of us.......and she didn't have the skills to look for alternate employment. This went on for 3 long years. And I will be honest.......not one day went by without me thinking that I should end the relationship. It was very difficult to maintain an ideal relationship. Yes......we did love eachother.....and yes....we fought a lot too.....always about her work and my inability to cope it with. It was easy for her not to get personal with her work and that she was indifferent to what she had to do.......probably no different if she was to be a waitress in a restaurant. I never understood that.....and it always crushed me to think what she might be doing with clients. After all, i used to be one of those men.

Then.......my lucky break. A job promotion for me. We both sat down and i told her that i wanted her to stop for good. We could survive financially even if she did become a waitress in a restaurant. She reluctantly agreed. Why? Being a working girl was her main income......and she had been doing so for years and the money was good. But I couldn't take it anymore and felt I was going to go mad.......imagine a dialogue in your head everyday as to reasons to stay....reasons to go.....

We are still together now....its been 7 years that she has stopped working and happy with her current employment (and me too). She has also admitted that she's much happier leaving that industry. The emotional burden with being a working girl was getting too heavy to bear, and was not emotinally healthy. But all is good. We both have a child now and is one of the greatest thing to happen to us.

Good things did happen........but was not the easiest. There are a lot of things that she had said that I still remember......perhaps these can be words of advice from an ex-working girl.

"There is nothing personal with clients".......all business and its all about the money.

She also said that she will NEVER date a client....although she has been asked numerous times. And that is the same for all the other working girls she knew. After all, do you think a working girl wants to have a serious relationship with a man that engages in commerical sex? Why would they want to be emotionally attached to a man that frequent brothels? I guess if that relationship does become serious, can she trust him not to cheat on her?

Something to think about..........

.....And for others that may be in my situation as before.......good luck and hope things work out.




























I am married to an ex-working girl for 10 years now and we have a beautiful child.

I used to frequent brothels often when I was a single man......you name it, I've done it. Then, I met this girl at a nightclub and fell in love with her straight-away. Then about 3 months into the relationship, she admited to me that she was a working girl. My whole world stopped revolving. I was devastated !!!! Anyway,

[jdi813]

Originally Posted by Elvis_Boy

... I am married to an ex-working girl for 10 years now and we have a beautiful child ...

what can i say bro ... i think you are more an exception than the norm here ... but i'm glad u managed to work things out ... if both parties are determined to change and iron out the differences anything is possible

[chanthira]

Originally Posted by Elvis_Boy

Hi all,

Karma? Maybe.......I had to confront my own demons. Cheongsters out there would've probably shifted the gear into reverse and flown out of the relationship. I decided to stay. Why? Well, after all........love is about loving someone for who they are and not what they do right? Perhaps......maybe I was testing myself......was I that superficial. Or maybe if this "opportunity" to love is closed....i would never find love again. If this all sound "pathetic" to you......remember.......this is my experience and yes.....i was lonely back then. I thought to myself....."working girls are human too.......they need affectionate like others.

.....She continued to work.......and I stayed faithful to her. Like she said to me...."Love don't pay the bills". My job couldn't support the 2 of us.......and she didn't have the skills to look for alternate employment. This went on for 3 long years. And I will be honest.......not one day went by without me thinking that I should end the relationship. It was very difficult to maintain an ideal relationship. Yes......we did love eachother.....and yes....we fought a lot too.....always about her work and my inability to cope it with. It was easy for her not to get personal with her work and that she was indifferent to what she had to do.......probably no different if she was to be a waitress in a restaurant. I never understood that.....and it always crushed me to think what she might be doing with clients. After all, i used to be one of those men.

Then.......my lucky break. A job promotion for me. We both sat down and i told her that i wanted her to stop for good. We could survive financially even if she did become a waitress in a restaurant. She reluctantly agreed. Why? Being a working girl was her main income......and she had been doing so for years and the money was good. But I couldn't take it anymore and felt I was going to go mad.......imagine a dialogue in your head everyday as to reasons to stay....reasons to go.....

We are still together now....its been 7 years that she has stopped working and happy with her current employment (and me too). She has also admitted that she's much happier leaving that industry. The emotional burden with being a working girl was getting too heavy to bear, and was not emotinally healthy. But all is good. We both have a child now and is one of the greatest thing to happen to us.

Good things did happen........but was not the easiest. There are a lot of things that she had said that I still remember......perhaps these can be words of advice from an ex-working girl.

"There is nothing personal with clients".......all business and its all about the money.

.....And for others that may be in my situation as before.......good luck and hope things work out.


I am married to an ex-working girl for 10 years now and we have a beautiful child.

From HASA bro :Only the mightest can withstand the pain and stress in order to success and complete the journey

Congratulations for your success

For those bro in the tirakship with WL
Go thru it and share the feeling and outcome with us
Any more success storey ?

[chanthira]

Originally Posted by Elvis_Boy

Hi all,

Karma? Maybe.......I had to confront my own demons. Cheongsters out there would've probably shifted the gear into reverse and flown out of the relationship. I decided to stay. Why? Well, after all........love is about loving someone for who they are and not what they do right? Perhaps......maybe I was testing myself......was I that superficial. Or maybe if this "opportunity" to love is closed....i would never find love again. If this all sound "pathetic" to you......remember.......this is my experience and yes.....i was lonely back then. I thought to myself....."working girls are human too.......they need affectionate like others.

.....She continued to work.......and I stayed faithful to her. Like she said to me...."Love don't pay the bills". My job couldn't support the 2 of us.......and she didn't have the skills to look for alternate employment. This went on for 3 long years. And I will be honest.......not one day went by without me thinking that I should end the relationship. It was very difficult to maintain an ideal relationship. Yes......we did love eachother.....and yes....we fought a lot too.....always about her work and my inability to cope it with. It was easy for her not to get personal with her work and that she was indifferent to what she had to do.......probably no different if she was to be a waitress in a restaurant. I never understood that.....and it always crushed me to think what she might be doing with clients. After all, i used to be one of those men.

Then.......my lucky break. A job promotion for me. We both sat down and i told her that i wanted her to stop for good. We could survive financially even if she did become a waitress in a restaurant. She reluctantly agreed. Why? Being a working girl was her main income......and she had been doing so for years and the money was good. But I couldn't take it anymore and felt I was going to go mad.......imagine a dialogue in your head everyday as to reasons to stay....reasons to go.....

We are still together now....its been 7 years that she has stopped working and happy with her current employment (and me too). She has also admitted that she's much happier leaving that industry. The emotional burden with being a working girl was getting too heavy to bear, and was not emotinally healthy. But all is good. We both have a child now and is one of the greatest thing to happen to us.

Good things did happen........but was not the easiest. There are a lot of things that she had said that I still remember......perhaps these can be words of advice from an ex-working girl.

"There is nothing personal with clients".......all business and its all about the money.

.....And for others that may be in my situation as before.......good luck and hope things work out.


I am married to an ex-working girl for 10 years now and we have a beautiful child.

From HASA bro :Only the mightest can withstand the pain and stress in order to success and complete the journey

Congratulations for your success

For those bro in the tirakship with WL
Go thru it and share the feeling and outcome with us
Any more success storey ?

[2nd uncle]

There are already so many thread and post on Tirak so why must u start another thread on this issue???....

[jdi813]

Originally Posted by 2nd uncle

... so many thread and post on Tirak so why must u start another thread on this issue ...

i think his post is slightly different and would be kinda out of place in the other threads ... i mean i dun even bother looking into those tirak threads nowadays ... all flame war in progress zones.

He is just sharing the brighter side (even if it is rare at best) of a tirak relationship that worked out ... the journey was started and completed thru the various trials they faced together.

This only serves to illustrate what bros SC / TV / norigo77 and the other older bros have mentioned before ... the first step is for her to leave the profession and for you to be capable of providing / supporting so that she does not have the need to ever return the profession.

[newbadass]

Very interesting story. I have mixed feelings.

This story provides a case scenario that some things do turn out well.
Of course, it's also dangerous because it gives the wannabes a crutch to lean on.

[jdi813]

Originally Posted by newbadass

... This story provides a case scenario that some things do turn out well ...

These sort of stories are rare (but there are not entirely unheard of) as compared with the tons of "carrot head man got conned by WL" type of stories

Originally Posted by newbadass

... it gives the wannabes a crutch to lean on ...

wannabes will always find something to lean on no matter how desolate the landscape

[thaivisitor]

Can thread starter decide which of the 2 threads he wants to keep and PM to the Boss to have the other deleted???

Tee Vee

[siamcutey]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

Can thread starter decide which of the 2 threads he wants to keep and PM to the Boss to have the other deleted???

Tee Vee

he can tell Sammyboyboy to merge the 2 threads together but hor if sammyboyboy see this kind of thread again, don't know what will he think

hehehe
SC

[TheUnforgiven]

Originally Posted by Elvis_Boy

There are definately some responses to the "Tirak Problems" and must say that "The Unforgiven" has made some great contributions by clearly stating all the pitfalls by getting emotionally attached to a working girl......

I must say I find that Elvis_Boy's emotional dilemma and problems during the course of the relationship is typical of what men who insist on pursuing such relationships have to endure.

Despite Elvis_Boy's post, I must take this opportunity to warn samsters that such success stories are rare. Some may say that you will never know till you try. Let's look at it in plain business sense, would you do an invesment that has only a extremely low (say 5 - 10%) rate of success? Then again, some will say this is love, not business. That's why this will be a never ending debate.

Ask yourselves some questions:

1.) Does she really love you or is she in it for the money?
2.) She sweet talks other customers for "business", she sweet talks with you because she loves you? How sure are you? This applies to other intimate gestures a girl might do.
3.) Can you handle your girl being intimate with customers on both sexual and non sexual basis when she is supposed to be exclusive to you?
4.) Can you handle the fact your girl is having sex with countless men for a living?
5.) If she stops one day, can you handle the fact that she used to work in this line?
6.) Even 30 years on when you are happily married with her, can you honestly tell me you still don't feel the pain that your wife has been violated by other guys when you were still with her?

The long and the short of it, if you still insist on pursuing such a relationship, come out a better person from it whether you succeed or not. Please don't end up as another addition to the Sad Fuck community.

Nevertheless, a big thanks to Elvis_Boy for sharing his story. Congratulations on your success story bro. I however, choose not to indulge in such relationships anymore. I hope that all samsters out there can be more rational when it comes to making such decisions.

Tirak Free,
TheUnforgiven

There have been some questions posed by others in this thread. However, The Unforgiven has asked some questions which I will answer in an attempt to give others some insight as to what emotions and thoughts that one may feel or think when entering into a Tirakship. In addition, I will try to answer some of the questions that may explore some of my thoughts about having a relationship with a working girl in the future. However, those reading these responses, please bear in mind that my answers are only true to my own relationship and may not reflect what others may experience or about to experience if chasing a Tirakship.


1.) Does she really love you or is she in it for the money?

I met her initially without the knowledge that she was a working girl. She was in the line of business strictly for the money. As the realationship progressed, the monetary benefits didn't seem so great anymore. Sure she was making good money and could enjoy life, but the same money that could buy superficial happiness soon became a poisoned chalice. Its like a double-edged sword. We could go out and have a good time and splash on things which we (she) possibly couldn't on a normal job. To be honest with whoever is reading this thread, I think the both of us were trying to escape the reality of her line of work if we did go out. If not, I was trying to escape the grim core of truth more than she was. However, as the relationship progressed in the sense of spending more time and getting to know eachother more.....about one's true self, one's feelings, getting to know one's vulnerablility.......you then to trust eachother more. After all....love is about trust. This may sound like I'm contradicting myself as one might say....how can I trust her.....especially when she works in the line of work like she does. That's also quite true. My trust for her (and her for me) was the ability to trust one another with one's feelings......and being able to tell them what makes you vulnerable....without the fear of eachother turning that against you. In time, I also learn to trust her that what she did was strictly for money....and not for the joy of meeting people she liked......however...this was a concept I could never sincerely believe in.....never 100%. As a result, as our emotions grew, we also fought a lot. She felt guilty in what she was doing, and at times, I was so torn up that I couldn't let her leave for the night. Money is what we need to survive in this world......but as this is an unhealthy relationship, soon the line must be drawn on the sand as to what was happen. Either she left her work (or circumstances change), or forever be in an unhappy relationship. I'm glad it worked out the way it did.



2.) She sweet talks other customers for "business", she sweet talks with you because she loves you? How sure are you? This applies to other intimate gestures a girl might do.

hahaha......I find this interesting as my girl doesn't sweet talk me!!!! Seriously, we have our moments where we whisper sweet things to eachother but there are moments for these.....I'm only speaking wholly on the personality of my girl. She is a very direct person. If she doesn't like someone, she tell it to that person's face. A friend once said to me...."to use less of your head and use more of your heart". The human mind is able to reason and justify arguments. It can argue something that is wrong into something that is right. Such is the power of the human psyche. What she has ever said to me always felt real. If it wasn't, then I wouldn't be able to build our relationship on trust and confidence. If I couldn't do so......i would find it very hard to love someone. Again to viewers of this thread, that is my personality and depending on your and your tirak's personality, it will determine how that relationship pans out. However, one might say to me that perhaps it is my longing for this relationship to work out that I am convincing myself that whatever she says is true. And if that is the case, I wouldn't know what is right and what is wrong. To answer The Unforgiven's question of how I would know if what she says is sincere........i will bring this to a more philisophical level of understanding.....to me....Action speaks louder than words. One may associate a Working Girl as focused on the need to make money. They are willing to degrade themselves perhaps to make cash. If thats the case, you can assume that they will be heartless, selfish whereby their own welfare comes FIRST and BEYOND others. The reason why i know my girl meant what she said was how she behaved. She never asked me to pay for anything when we went out and always offered to pay first. Although I never over-extended nor abuse her generosity, it did make me feel inadequate as a man due to my own traditional beliefs that males are suppose to be the bread-winners. Boy did that line of thinking changed in a hurry!!! She always bought me gifts and presents....which I always struggled to match. She trusted me with her money. Asking me to save it for her. She never asked me once to buy her anything. That is just some of the things that she does that makes me trust her.


3.) Can you handle your girl being intimate with customers on both sexual and non sexual basis when she is supposed to be exclusive to you?

I hate people sitting on the fence when you ask them a question where they say "yes", "no" or "maybe". So I will give you a straight answer. No. There was NEVER one time where i was totally comfortable with it. Although I did try to convince myself and try to justify so......it always bothered me. My mind was my own greatest enemy. When I was by myself at home, my own thoughts as to what she was doing always killed me inside. At times, my heart felt so heavy that I thought there was a rock in there. But don't use that analogy as if I was immune to the pain.....no. I always felt my heart was so broken and that there were so many stitches in it that there was no room for another stitch......but there was always room for more....Let me say this to you all......having a Tirakship will mean you will live your life in limbo.....there will be joys and there will be hell........you will never feel that your life is on the right track......it cannot!!! Never when you are in a Tirakship because this is not normal. Everything that you believe what love is to be will be turned upside down. As The Unforgiven suggest, after all your girl should (must) be exclusive to you. But this cannot be as long as she is a working girl. Therefore, there came a point in our life where enough is enough, pick up the rest of our lives and move on. Boy meets girl.....girl meets boy...fall in love.....have children. Imagine this, how crazy would it be if we had a child while she continued to work. How would one bring a child up while teaching him/her to be ethical and moral.....it would mean lying to the child.......i couldn't live with myself


4.) Can you handle the fact your girl is having sex with countless men for a living?

No. This is rather a rude and crass question, but I have nothing against The Unforgiven for asking this. After all, this is the reality of it. If anyone is thinking or have entered into a Tirakship, I want you to look yourself straight into a mirror....look yourself in the eyes and ask that question. Whatever your answer is.....ask yourself why. In fact, I have actually done this myself. My answer was no. So......why was I still in the relationship. I did and still do love her.......the only thing I could do was TOLERATE. This is all I could do......just tolerate and live my own life. I felt powerless to do anything. Sure I could do is ask her to stop......but what solution could l offer. But there will come a time when you have to decide.....or she to decide.....(i will come to that later). There is one thing I will say about the sex that we have. As I used to be a Cheongster......believe me when I say I know exactly what goes on inside those rooms....I used to be the one that organise a group of friends to those places.....(something I will learn to regret). But the sex that I have with my girl then and now was NEVER like what goes on in those rooms. I could NEVER ask my girl to do things that I used to ask working girls to do. And she would NEVER do those things that clients may ask her to do. This is not to say we have boring sex....far from it. When we have sex, its never done in a way where what my happen behind closed doors in a brothel or massage house. I guess that is what makes it special for the two of us. When she comes back from work, she'll make love with me.....and that was "our thing" to escape the realities of life.


to be continued...

............

5.) If she stops one day, can you handle the fact that she used to work in this line?

I can answer this confidently with a "yes". We have been together for 10 years and she has stopped working for 7 years. There is no way she'll ever go back as she is in a different frame of mind now. She did tell me that she needed to be focused and motivated when ding such a job. She also did say that the less she thought about it, the easier it was to handle her line of work. Its been quite long and now we have child, she is now pre-occupied with being a good mother than anything else. I definately feel more happier now and feels like the burden of the world is off my shoulders. I will NOT be writing this thread if this was 5 years ago or longer. But as time moves on, the pain also starts to dull. I guess when I look back when I was in a Tirakship, i always long for us to be normal......and now that we have a sembalance of a normal life......i am extremely grateful and much happier. There are even times when we joke about it.........i surely had no sense of humour about it when she was a working girl.


6.) Even 30 years on when you are happily married with her, can you honestly tell me you still don't feel the pain that your wife has been violated by other guys when you were still with her?

I have to say that The Unforgiven has selected a rather "straight down to business" language by using "violated". Well, I'm the type of person that tries not to dwell on the past. I never used to be like that. But experiences with other aspects of my life and allowed me to be so. Somethings things in life may be ugly or unpleasant. You just have to deal with it AND comes to terms with it. If not, you will forever rot in the past. A family member that I have had his wife leave him for about 10 years now and he stills dwells in it and bears his burden on all to listen. I look at him and know that this is a sad man of what used to be a proud man. The way I see it, you can either CHOOSE to be miserable...or CHOOSE to be happy. Remember, the only person that can CHOOSE YOUR ATTITUDE.........is you. You can wake up and say "Fuck this Goddamn World and all the people in it...." or choose to enjoy what you have and love the people around you. I'm not saying we should all be hippies and start wearing flowers in our heads and wave Peace signs......i'm just saying we should all "get real" and start thanking the fact that we are alive. Therefore, I don't ponder much about what has happened.....I honestly don't think about it anymore....and if it does pop into my mind.....i don't entertain those thoughts anymore......its all about her and my child now....its all about what I can do for them...

............................................

I will conclude by saying this. Of course I wish that we met and fallen in love under different circumstances. But I would still choose what did happen than not being with her.

I regret what I used to do.......and because of what I did.......it was my own mind that was killing me. How have i changed? I have learned to hate Cheongsters.....i have learned to hate men who disrespect woman and abuse them physically and emotionally........i have learnt to be more tolerant......but most of all....i have learned to be humble. I have learnt that when "lady luck" smiles on you...be grateful and appreciate things around you. Don't be a cocky bastard or a show-off.......it only shows you how insecure you really are.....Love the one you're with and tell them how much you love them.......everyday.

I wish you all luck in your future endeavours

[siamcutey]

All tirak hopers, better hope hor.

If Elvis boy did not get a promotion then, I supposed his girl will still have to work.

So all tirak hopers, better hope for 2 things

1) Either u get a promotion soon
2) Or u tio Toto

SC

[siamcutey]

Must ask Suteerak1099 1 question

When his girlfriend get money from Sponsors, he hear already is it a joy or woe???

hehehe
SC