Understanding Vietnamese Life Partner

[raibo]

so the gals are trying to be 吕望..

姜太公钓鱼，愿者上钩..

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by Buikia

er bros,
im in the same dillemma, got to know a WL in the early 20s with a kid(2 yrs old) for a few months, visited her/family once in HCM and fallen in love(vice versa from the way i see it)

So here are the problems:
1)Have some bad debts in the family which can be easily cleared...but afraid of all the up coming debts for the family if i commit.(as with all VN ppl)
Heartbreaking to see her in this trade as with all bros who has fallen for these ladies-wanted to pay off debts for here but big head telling me it might be never ending...

2)Intends to bring the kid over if i commit.

3)Lady is too young and wondering if the mentality/feelings would change over time since im a good 10 years older...

So far, no one brought up the issue of ladies having a kid from a previous marriage and how to cope with this or the acceptance issue. My aging parents would probably puke blood knowing of this....Would appreciate any wise words from here....

Wow your story is a very different from Cybron...Yours are full of aches ie. headaches, heartaches, stomachaces...pocket oso aches...

There are a lot of posts discussing Vn gals having a child previously...from what I remember is "either you can or you cannot accept it and there is no 2 ways about it"...here you have to cope with your aging parents issue...You dun seem to be happy doing what you are doing and that's the most important...unless I misread your intention...so just walk away and search for another tree...

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by Hanoi-Kid

The Electric New Paper, Singapore - The Electric New Paper News

'I DON'T' ON D-DAY
DUMPED, HE FELT DUPED
Clerk loses allowance after Viet bride backs out
By Crystal Chan

May 25, 2009


U-TURN: Mr Joseph Pereira (right) and Miss Yinh, who backed out of the marriage saying that she couldn't bear to leave her family. PICTURE: COURTESY OF VIETNAM BRIDE INTERNATIONAL

Jialat...more bad press for Vn gals locally...yes I read this yesterday...

But I took alot of positives from this press article telling us that Vn gals are good consientious and attentive to husband...the gals dun demand much and expect very little...that's why Sin men will not hesitate to consider Vn gals as their wives...

[ekemono]

Originally Posted by Buikia

So here are the problems:
1)Have some bad debts in the family which can be easily cleared...but afraid of all the up coming debts for the family if i commit.(as with all VN ppl)

2)Intends to bring the kid over if i commit.

3)Lady is too young and wondering if the mentality/feelings would change over time since im a good 10 years older...

So far, no one brought up the issue of ladies having a kid from a previous marriage and how to cope with this or the acceptance issue. My aging parents would probably puke blood knowing of this....Would appreciate any wise words from here....

bro, here are some advice IMHO

1) Did she REALLY declared all the outstanding debts? As with them, as long as you becomes her pillar of support, the idea of incurring new debts carries little worries for her and her family.

2) Of course end of the day the kid will come to SG. However, being a step father isn't easy. If you dun discipline at young age, he will grow up to give you bigger problems but if you do discipline, how will the child's mother view it since you are not the biological father.
And most importantly, how cock sure are you that it is over between the real father and her ?????
Perhaps some seasoned bros can shares Interesting Stories on this

3) Yes she may be young but that's not the concern here.
You gotta accept the ugly fact that one of the possibilities of her marrying you is that she view the flesh trade as not long term and chooses to be with you for survival reason? Not all for love. Can you accept it?
A vietnamese gal in this trade are very realistic to the core. Maybe in the past they have been all for love but perhaps they have died spiritially since the day her Viet guy walk out of her life leaving the child along.

Sorry for been so negative. Only time will tell her real deal. And you gonna need much time.

[KangTuo]

Originally Posted by Hanoi-Kid

The Electric New Paper, Singapore - The Electric New Paper News

'I DON'T' ON D-DAY
DUMPED, HE FELT DUPED
Clerk loses allowance after Viet bride backs out

I am not being racist, but i am wondering if Yinh parents strongly disagree to this marriage because of colour.

I do not like the 'DUPED' word in the headline. This will cause more streotyping of viet gals in our society.

[NewandLost]

[QUOTE=ekemono;3771144]bro, here are some advice IMHO

1) Did she REALLY declared all the outstanding debts? As with them, as long as you becomes her pillar of support, the idea of incurring new debts carries little worries for her and her family.
QUOTE]

this goes along with the concept of moral hazard, yes the same thing that brought down AIG and part of the reason for the financial crisis. So the family sees no risk in taking on riskier transactions since you basically offer insurance against any risky financial decisions by them. Why worry when they have SG guy to back stop any loss? Why not take on more. Open up that watermelon shop to hit the Forbes Vietnam rankings when they got SG guy to absorb all losses. i think its wise for you to discuss money and prudence with her and have her talk to her family. you need to make sure of the latter. it could be very well her family is pushing her to be with you on the assumption that you are their VC (venture cap not Viet Cong) firm. if and if they have the discussion before hand, you might find her backing out of the deal. good luck braddah.

[NewandLost]

[NewandLost]

I'm far from expert. Just find these videos for you braddahs to push the discussion.

[SingViet]

Aiyoh, different culture got different demands. So if you are going to marry someone from a different culture, you got to accept the differences.

If you plan to get married, be very sure that your lifestyle will change totally. You will need to bear a lot more responsbilities, both morally and financially. So if you are not prepared or not able to bear all these responsibilites, keep away from marriage, be it a foreigner or local that you are planning to marry

[casannova03]

Yes, agreed!

The truth is many men/women are not prepared for marriage and the challenges/responsibilities that comes with it.

As such, they see many things as problems and once you focused on these problems, they are magnified in their eyes! If no attempts are made to provide solutions, then it will only get worse.

You may marry anyone from anywhere but if you're not prepared to handle marriage issues and handle family commitments, well, you should not even get married in the first place.

Often blame falls on the other party in union. As much as here are comments in here blaming the ladies, i've seen and heard many ladies complaining about their hubbies as well.

To me, these parties are simply not ready or refused to take up the responsibilities that comes bundled - whether you like it or not - with a marriage. They expect the other party to always make accomodations without realising that there is a limit.

[Hanoi-Kid]

Originally Posted by Buikia

er bros,
im in the same dillemma, got to know a WL in the early 20s with a kid(2 yrs old) for a few months, visited her/family once in HCM and fallen in love(vice versa from the way i see it)

So here are the problems:
1)Have some bad debts in the family which can be easily cleared...but afraid of all the up coming debts for the family if i commit.(as with all VN ppl)
Heartbreaking to see her in this trade as with all bros who has fallen for these ladies-wanted to pay off debts for here but big head telling me it might be never ending...

2)Intends to bring the kid over if i commit.

3)Lady is too young and wondering if the mentality/feelings would change over time since im a good 10 years older...

So far, no one brought up the issue of ladies having a kid from a previous marriage and how to cope with this or the acceptance issue. My aging parents would probably puke blood knowing of this....Would appreciate any wise words from here....

Hi Fren,

just my 200 dong worth of comments,,,I feel that decent Vn gals,,,even if have debt its their responsibility to clear it,,you can help, like subsidy etc,,but to pay off her full debt is ridiculous,,,or u can help with some payment,,when she can get a job,(like waitress, sales gal etc),she will pay off her debt with her own pay,,u settle the home expanses etc

2) She has kid,,are u willing to accept that? most people i know who are divorced etc has advised me to try and avoid the ones with kids,,,as its very complicated and hard,,,and u will never be number 1 even though u bring home the bacon.

And her kid in singapore,,,are u going to bring up the kid as your own? or u are just paying for someone elses kid? will u accept all these complications? And bring up kids is not cheap in singapore hor,,,than when u have your own kids u got to pay too,,,

3) for her being young,,,i dont think its the age, its the maturity,,and as she has kid etc...she should be more mature and know how to appreciate what she has in you,,,if she dont,,than she is not worth it,,and as a gal with kid,,alot of baggage. So for her to find a good vietnamese guy is really hard,,,no guy want gal already with kids,,their thinking is pretty conservative. My Vn frens also dont agree with me marrying gals with kids etc..unless i am looking for mistress or i am an old man. Even the Vn gals i know also dont agree to marrying gals with kids.

Any Bros care to comment and add and criticise etc?

[Hanoi-Kid]

Originally Posted by KangTuo

I am not being racist, but i am wondering if Yinh parents strongly disagree to this marriage because of colour.

I do not like the 'DUPED' word in the headline. This will cause more streotyping of viet gals in our society.

Hey Bros..

I was told by some HCMC gal frens,,,that the gals now are quite sceptical of Taiwan and S Korean guys,,due to the high rates of 'problems' and even Indians now are not popular,,due to their bad reputation,,,like the same problems,,,we singaporeans face with them in singapore,,,but since the wife allowance is given,,so take lor,,,that will be her attitude too,,

Since I am ngiow,,,I will try not to give money,,but also was told by Vn ppl,,,even gals,,,that good gals wont ask for money,,,the responsibility of the guy is too look after wife and if have kids look after kids,,hence be responsible and take care of the direct family....

[leecs]

Hi! my friend is getting ROMed ins SG soon with a Viet. He wants to know where can he find an interpreter for his wife & the price. Any help is appreciated. Thanks

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by Hanoi-Kid

Hey Bros..

I was told by some HCMC gal frens,,,that the gals now are quite sceptical of Taiwan and S Korean guys,,due to the high rates of 'problems' and even Indians now are not popular,,
....

Yes...these were discussed previously...alot of bad press in Vn on Taiwanese and Korean men abusing their Vn wives...Indian men not sure...

[KangTuo]

Originally Posted by leecs

Hi! my friend is getting ROMed ins SG soon with a Viet. He wants to know where can he find an interpreter for his wife & the price. Any help is appreciated. Thanks

this Q & A has been popping frequently within these few months.
you may wish to do a search 'ROM + interpreter'
you will get the answer or at least know which bro yu can PM.