The Handsdown Worst Sexual Encounter in My Life

[FUCKBAR]

This story must be told. And, at the expense of losing my current girlfriend, Ally, I’m going to tell it.

For better or worse, I cannibalize every tender, bloody-rare morsel of the lives of people around me. That’s why my friends no longer tell me secrets (I know you’re gay Clayder, you don’t have to say anything), and why my parents have officially cut me loose and stopped calling me “my son.”

Admittedly, this is certainly not the first time that something I’ve written on SBF that could possibly fuck me over, as “Women: Here's Some Advice” has put me in a submissive position with all the hate mails flooding in, I come to realise that many of you are unappreciative cunts, add some humour in your life will ya? But, like an abused whore, I always come back to you bitchy, malicious readers for more saucy comments about my lack of experience and inability to write or get laid for free…as if you dumb motherfuckers know anything about that anyways.



The Handsdown Worst Sexual Encounter in My Life


When exams are over, many students from my school hit the clubs. And when we hit the clubs, we hit them hard. We crowd into these shitty, cramped up places and go crazy, only occasionally leaving the dance floor to obtain booze and eventually vomit up alcohol. We push each other like brothers and slap slurry high-fives while we grind our girl friends like there's no tomorrow.

When the clubs started turning dead (what my buddies and I call the 'saturation point'), we went to a nearby bar and started playing pool with my buddies Andy, Daryl and Faud, who were as drunk, if not more drunk than I was. During our time “playing” pool—I use the term loosely here, as collectively, it takes us about an hour to end a game—a woman, 25 years old, joined in and we started flirting. Eventually, as fate would have it, we left the bar for my place to drink with my hall-mates. I wasn’t totally into her, but I have this awful tendency to want to have random sex with a girl before I commit to the one I actually like. Strange, you might think, but guess what? I’m a fucking guy.

We had a few drinks and then she asked to use the toilet, so I took her to the male toilet beside my room (the female toilet's upstairs on the girls' bunk floor, I was too fucking drunk to walk up the stairs) and didn't even bother to wait outside for her. As she was doing whatever she was doing in the toilet, I sat down on my bed to let the room spin a little. She sneaked back into my room naked, chuck her clothes on the floor and hopped on me. I thought, “Well, why not?” and let things progress into fucking.

After two minutes or so, she looked down.

“Oh…Shit…no…,” she said.

Oh no! I thought, and as I looked down, I saw that around the base of my dick and coating the condom was a sticky, viscous syrup of blood.

“Jesus Christ!” I shouted and ran off immediately to the bathroom to clean my shit up. Even at that point, I thought, “What a fucking bad decision. What a fucking bad, bad, bad, bad decision.”

But that wasn’t even the half of it. Not yet, my friends.

After only five or six seconds into cleaning my dick up, I heard my room door slam.

“Good,” I thought, “she just got embarrassed and left. At least I can sleep and forget about this."

No, not yet.

If you didn’t know, it takes more than five or six seconds for a whore to get dressed; once I realized this, I knew that this girl had left my room as naked and bloody as my dick.

I grabbed her purse and clothes and tossed them on my corridor, thinking, “My hall-mates can deal with this shit. I’m done.”

Well, instead of this bitch going to Fred and Zhi Sheng next door, who I knew well, and who smoke more than I thought was humanly possible, she went across the hall to some Indian fuck who made it his personal responsibility that I not de-scab her axwound again.

“Hey, asshole!” he shouted, pounding on my door, “You brought a drunk girl back!”

“Fuck you!” I shouted back, “Why don’t you take her and patch her up then?”

After a few seconds of silence, I heard maybe ten more voices and more pounding on my door. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” I said, and grabbed the nearest phone to call Fred, who owes me one for reason I can't tell here. I thought he could help clear this mess up.

He was too fucking wasted to pick up. I hung up the phone, grabbed an umbrella and opened the door with it poised over my shoulder.

When I opened the door, only the girl was standing there, crying and slightly blood-soaked between her thighs.

“What the fuck?!” I said.

“They left me because I called them a bunch of faggots.”

“Come in and get dressed and get the FUCK out.”

“I left my car back there at the bar…it’s 5.30AM…could you at least let me sleep on your roomie's bed or the floor?”

Now, I might be an asshole, but I’m still not going to let a crying, menstruating girl sleep on my floor (or Shaun's bed, he would fucking kill me). I grabbed my pillows, ripped off the bloody sheets and chuck them aside.

“Here, sleep on my bed.”

“Okay,” she said, lying down and sobbing. “Oh and...?”

“Yes?”

“Do you have a tampon?”

I answered, but after, thinking of this question filled me with so much fucking rage that I left my room to smoke on the corridor and stayed out there for the rest of the morning, leaving her to sleep alone. At that moment, I felt it was an appropriate time to text Ally, I wrote her, “You and I are hanging out tonight.” And truth be told, I’ve always known her as a smart, graceful woman, and as I rehashed the whole, terrible night in my head, I knew that I had to get her and keep her. A dumb whore in this country is a dime a thousand…and I think that this is probably true everywhere else.

And after you’ve read this story and somehow think that I’m a pussy, or a liar or whatever the fuck you might think…well, fuck you. Put your dick into the jaws of life and then tell me then that you’re still afraid of commitment. Tell me that one night stands are still great; that dating a girl who doesn’t put out readily is stupid; that university is meant to be a fuckfest…and I’ll tell you that you’re just scared. And if you reply like I think you might…you know what I’ll tell you my fellow forumer? I’ll tell you what I told the 25-year-old who changed my entire outlook on girls nowadays.

No, bitch; I do not have a tampon for your fucking bleeding pussy.

This is FUCKBAR—diehard romantic—signing out.

[SammyNeubie]

Originally Posted by FUCKBAR

This story must be told. And, at the expense of losing my current girlfriend, Ally, I’m going to tell it.
This is FUCKBAR—diehard romantic—signing out.

Braddah, you seem to have missed this, else how to complete your story

Originally Posted by FUCKBAR

Dear Women,

If you've ever said, "Don't think I'm going to be easy, I am not that loose" to a man, please listen, and listen good.

Now this may come as a shock to you, but we men think logically. That is if you say, "Don't think I'm going to be easy, I am not that loose", the thing we can think is that you're going to be an "intentionally difficult lay. Now as for some of my more economic peers (undergrads like me), this also says, "You're to have to spend a lot of time and money to get inside of me."

If Girls= Time * Money
and, as we all know, Time=money.

And if time is money...
Money*Money=Money^2

And then, as money is the root of all evil:
vMoney^2= Evil

Hence, Girls=Evil.

But that's an old joke, and I don't particularly remember where it's from...Nevertheless, girls, if you want to keep a guy who is considere "player" around, simply don't put out until you feel ready.

If it just so happens that after a bottle of vodka and a good 15-minutes conversation that it feels ready, then so be it. Spread your legs. Finger yourself. Lick your juices off of your fingers. Moan a little. Whatever.

You've just got to keep in mind that even the best of "players" require a gradual decrease in sexual activity and usual withdrawal from the wallet. In Layman's terms: stop being a fucking cocktease and expect things to out...some of us are too broke for twenty dates before we can get action Increase your standards a little for him, sure; but don't lock up your pussy and eat your key.

Let me eat your pussy and lock my key...in your hole.

FUCKBAR, away

Originally Posted by SammyNeubie

SammyNewbie
Not so Noobie
Shares his Wisdom
Though Disillusioned
Feel so lonely
So go prawning
Tries to make friends
Only to end up
Again so lonely

Originally Posted by SammyNeubie

SammyNewbie thinks he's brainy
Shows he knows everything
To anyone reading
Acts so learned
To all that's reading
But no one ever taught him
Once a Loser
Forever a Loser
Oh Poor SammyNewbie
What a poor poor Loser

SammyNewbie wants to eat pussy
Bcos on student budget
Lost that pussy
Poor Poor SammyNewbie
Jiak Bueh Teo Pussy
End Up Ki Xiao
Start Bo Liao Postings

[<<totally>>]

Originally Posted by FUCKBAR

No, bitch; I do not have a tampon for your fucking bleeding pussy.

After I read the first post of this thread, I was thinking what to write and I decided not to write except for this pt which stands right out to show that you are a real loser.

Get it in your mind, without that so called fucking bleeding pussy you mentioned. There will be no FUCKBAR here typing on the keyboard who do not know the basic respect for woman. The bleeding is the most valuable gift, mother natural has ever given to mankind.

Go run along and get your swimming floats ready. Baby pool I suggested for you need to re-learn the values of life.

[Secret7]

Wow, brother, you sure got issues.

Better finish o levels first, then come here to talk cock. If you don't open mouth, nobody know you are stupid. Now you show how shallow you are.

You got no loyalty no wonder girls hate you and friends avoid you. Better you become mature, eat salt, humble yourself then people don't hate you so much.

[Bless006]

You need to see a shrink.. you have some serious issues with your head

[curiouslady91]

This whole post just reeks of immaturity. I dont usually like to post much here but not sorry to say you sound just like a typical dickwad. What is so wrong with helping the girl out on a little inconvenience rather than putting her through such humiliation.

[littlepok]

god's gift to women haha...

ya we should all get a life, u too. show respect for pussies and pussies will respect u and little bro

[Reoxy]

Originally Posted by FUCKBAR

For better or worse, I cannibalize every tender, bloody-rare morsel of the lives of people around me.

If that is the case, it will definitely be for the worse for these people.

Originally Posted by FUCKBAR

The Handsdown Worst Sexual Encounter in My Life

This story would be more aptly written from the perspective of that woman.

The way you have written it is equivalent to complaining about the oily, greasy, dirty $100 note that the chicken rice hawker uncle is kind enough to give you without asking for anything in return.

[FUCKBAR]

Hahaha you guys are so fucking hilarious, providing me with advices and even correcting my English in the other post. <<totally>>, 'check out' and 'checkout', there's a difference, check that out will ya? Lol that's what we Singaporeans are turning out to be nowadays isn't it? Like fucking machines, 'this is right, this is wrong', haha why are all of you so serious about everything? Well one thing I know for sure, that's if girls are treated like sluts and you hold out on giving them the cock, they will go crazy. Oh yea Secret7, girls don't hate me, they love it when I treat them like dirt, especially those whom boyfriends didn't spank them hard enough. They need to be taught a good lesson. But of course good girls must be treated with respect, I am not discounting that, it is just that I won't fuck them, I ain't that senseless. And for all you uncles out there, may I say 'fuck you kindly'. You are paying for hookers out there, I'm not questioning the depth of your character, but here you are acting like a saint giving advices, why don't you guys become monks? Maybe that will help scrap off the sins committed on your small dicks?

[FunkyKuku]

Originally Posted by FUCKBAR

This is FUCKBAR—diehard romantic—signing out.

Poor TS, u not diehard romantic but die hard full fledged loser
DIDN'T GET PUSSY WENT BERSERK [/QUOTE]
What a sore loser

[FunkyKuku]

Originally Posted by FUCKBAR

why don't you guys become monks?

Poor dick weed get sexposed always same pattern try to divert attention away.
CHEE BYE JIAK BUEH TEO KEE XIAO so disgraceful you know

[Reoxy]

Originally Posted by FUCKBAR

'check out' and 'checkout', there's a difference,

Check out is an action.

Checkout is a location.

Eg 1. You should check out at the checkout.

Eg 2. You should check out the chick at the checkout.

Originally Posted by FUCKBAR

And for all you uncles out there, may I say 'fuck you kindly'. You are paying for hookers out there, I'm not questioning the depth of your character, but here you are acting like a saint

You will become an uncle one day.

Prostitution is one of the oldest profession in the world. Probably even before the existence of any saints.

Originally Posted by FUCKBAR

giving advices,

Advice is Like rice. You eat rice or you eat rices?

Originally Posted by FUCKBAR

why don't you guys become monks? Maybe that will help scrap off the sins committed on your small dicks?

Should be "committed with".

The smallest dick will hurt even the largest assholes.

[FUCKBAR]

Haha can't believe you really did look that up. How critical... if u were my prof, I would have given u a five star for the student feedback

[FunkyKuku]

CHEE BYE JIAK BUEH TEO KEE XIAO

I think you call yourself FUBAR better
Fucked
Up
Beyond
All
Recognition
This loser is hilarious