[drinknsmoke]

First thing to consider speaking if I'm on your side to push through for what you think you might want because alot of context is missing to understand what you are going through. Regarding wife and mistress combo... if its long term, don't bother, you would probably get fucked either ways and more screwed than your wife nagging and belittling you now.

Taking into account that your wife might be unwilling to compromise + go for counseling or having a heart to heart talk with you, your option might be to divorce but I highly doubt going with the FL would be a good idea.

In terms of relationship, judging from the context, you and the FL have sort of a business transaction with you giving her money to clear her business debt. Length and Period of time you spent with her as a whole is unknown so it really might be because she makes you feel needed and more "Man" and treat you better, which contrasts with how your wife treats you, making you generate feelings for her as she is better than your wife by giving you what you need.

Just saying it might be a terrible decision to get in relationship with someone when there is money involved because it will affect how the "borrower" treats you whether you like it or not.

Back to your wife treating you like crap, when did this start? Do you have kids? Somethings happens for a reason, I mean if she treats you like crap from the start, then it might be time to divorce her, since you might have been able to handle it from the start but not anymore now with age+work+stress.

Divorce early before she finds out about your mistress though, if not you will probably be in deep trouble as Singapore's marriage laws are more favorable to women.

I find it tough to encourage you to stay in the marriage since what you are saying are mostly negative which might be due to pent up stress and rage with your wife.

Before you do anything that you might regret, consider reliving happier memories with your wife and try to remember what made you marry her in the first place, consider staying away from your FL and think deeply whether this is what you want. In the case you don't have kids, I would encourage you to find happiness but definitely in a better way where there is less to no money involved in the relationship to save yourself a headache next time when you find the women is there only for your money. Either that, or keep it purely transactional which you might be able to afford and at least you know what you are paying for.

I generally encourage people to be happy and move on from toxic relationships, its never too late. Importantly, got children?