[ferragamo]

A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008):


I pray for you. I went through a stage wherein I wanted to chop my penis off, so that I was not a victim to my frustration. With no penis, I would never ever have sex. As such my penis was unemployed, at least I would no longer be sexually frustrated.

I pray everyday that my wife meets the person with whom she will be happy and have sex regularly. Right now I think there are 2 unhappy people, me and my wife. Me because no sex. My wife because she cannot understand why sometimes I get cranky and thinks I am always angry. and because I hope someday she has sex that will help her set free and help her start enjoying sex.

Married for 8 years. We had sex only when my wife wanted to have children. And that time it was pure functional, get done with the act. So 8 years, sex only 20 times. Periods of upto 3 years without sex. How did I survive?

Have been reading all things and wondering why me?


1. I earn well


2. I am smart, well dressed and exercise regularly


3. I help around the house - cook, clean, mop, mow, everything that a woman does


4. Since both of us work, we take turns to look after the children and the house


5. My wife has had no past to grieve - i.e. molestation as a child, rape, etc.


6. My wife knows how I feel about sex - issue communicated to death


7. I have tried wooing her, romancing her, dates, holding hands, hugs, kisses (with no expectation of sex)


8. I get up before my wife, make tea and breakfast, am the last one to sleep in the house after washing the dishes. I dont know any reason why my wife should have a headache or feel tired.


The only solution for me was to pray like hell and meditate. Every time I thought sex, it was a negative flow of thoughts about my wife. At one point I decided that every time I think sex, I am replacing sex thoughts with prayer.

Why my wife has a low sex libido? Why she does not want to go to a therapist or a doctor? Why the communication never gets to her? Why if I want to have sex, she will just lie like a rag and wait for the act to get over? Why she likes to read all romance novels and the hot scenes, but never in the real life? And why my wife never feels like she is doing anything wrong.

It is my karma. My entire life ahead of me is full of celibacy. I cannot think of divorce. I have to suffer this life. Maybe next life may be better.

I pray that you get your answer for why me soon.