[mrbigsword]

Currently, I am in an 8 years relationship with a woman that is 8 years my senior.

We started the relationship when I am in my 20s and I am now in my 30s.

Let’s call her Janice.

We met each other at work.

One night, we messaged over work-related issues. Eventually, we spoke about other topics rather than work.

From our meet-ups, I realised that she was married with 1 kid. She was unhappy with her marriage as her husband cheated on her many years ago. They are still together it’s because of the child.

Soon, our conversations became a daily affair.

In retrospect, I could still remember my first girlfriend I had was in secondary school. However, things did not work out and we broke up.

Thus, when Janice came, I am not sure if it’s because of loneliness or I am interested in her.

I spoke to my friends about it. There were many viewpoints. Some said it’s wrong to pursue a married woman. Others gave the usual advice of “age is just a number”

One day Janice shared her feelings with me and I decided to give it a shot.

However, as times passes, the honey starts to taste bad. I realised that she is a possessive person. I can’t speak or look at girls. Sometimes, when a very attractive lady walked passed, she accused me of looking when I did not.

To be honest, at that point in time, I thought this inconvenience was part of this relationship. I thought it’s normal for her to feel insecure. After all, we are 8 years apart.

Soon things became worse, when I went out with my friends, we will start quarrelling.

I thought it was my fault because I met my friends more than I met her. I was young and inexperience as I always thought if you have a girlfriend, you cannot abandon your friends.

One night, I was out drinking with my good friends. I quarrelled with her over the text again. The exchange was very heated that eventually, her husband discovered the affair. My friend thought she was lying about the whole issue to get my attention. However, it is true.

To cut the long story short, they divorced.

However, since the affair, I have not spoken to my friends for years as I fear that she might become angry.

I felt that my friends did not believe me at that point in time and she did not like them.

Overall, the issue was my fault for not bridging the gap well.

Throughout, the years, she became very possessive, to a point that I have to see her every day, and she threatened to commit suicide if I ever leave her.

Our quarrels over her possessiveness led me to keep within myself.

In addition, I have long switched off all my emotions.

She is very nice to me and my family. Every difficulties and adversity, she will be there for me. To add on, she knows most of my secrets and aspirations.

At times, I secretly hope she leaves me with no consequence.

I am not sure if I am with her out of fear and gratitude.