[ilikeoldchangke]

I don’t know why.


Every step I put in front of myself towards the stall, my heartbeat got faster.

This is wrong.

I don’t get nervous.

I get excited before I kill, I get angry, I get upset.

I don’t get nervous.



This feeling is new.

Before I knew it, I was right in front of the stall.

My lips felt dry. I think I started to hyperventilate.

The customer in front of me walked away.

Xuehua locked eyes at me the same time I saw Eddy’s cleaver pause as he waited for me to place my order.

I froze in front of Xuehua.

Xuehua : yes ?


I fucking froze.

I could see Owen laughing at our table. It must please him to see his employee fuck something up especially when it’s non work related.

Looking at her straight on felt like I was meeting some royalty for the first time and not knowing how to react. Like she’s a princess and I’m the lowly peasant.

Jeff : i… i..


Xuehua raised an eyebrow as she tried to stifle a laugh.

Xuehua : chicken rice ?? for 2 ??

Before I could place my order, I literally jumped out of my skin as Eddy’s voice rang out again.

Eddy : WHAT YOU WANT!!! EAT or PACKET !!!??

I immediately ratted off my order so fast that I don’t even know what I was saying.

Jeff : Chicken rice for 2, add gizzards, 2 braised egg, 1 additional plate of rice, remove bone please and no breast meat, give me some chicken backside. !!

Owen was clutching his stomach as he laughed out loud at how stupid I looked.

It like I’m trying to do a tongue twister.

Xuehua smiled and she looked away. I watched her arrange the utensils on the tray before telling me the cost.

Xuehua : $10 please…


As if her sweetness is not enough, I saw something that sent blood right into my manhood, inflating it rapidly.

It’s inside her mouth.

On the tongue.

She has a tongue stud. That shiny glint of meatal.

The way she looked, this level of sweetness, you can never imagine she has something like that.

If wonder what it would be like to kiss her.

She arranged the food on my tray and thanked me.

I hesitated for a second too long that she had to give me a look before raising an eyebrow and directing her head slightly towards the tray to get me moving along.

When I set the food back down at our table, Owen was chuckling as he helped removed the dishes from the tray.

Owen : Well…. At least now I’m sure you’re not gay….

Jeff : fuck you…. You thought I’m gay ??

Owen : it’s a stressful job Jeff….. everyone has their way of dealing with it…

I shook my head and ignored Owen.


Half way through our meal Owen asked me a serious question.

Owen : So…..can I expect you to be in office… when you have no projects on hand ? haha ….

I dipped a chuck of chicken into the blended chilli sauce before putting it into my mouth.

Jeff : yes ..

Owen : good…..

I turned to catch another glimpse of Xuehua.

I saw her turn her head slightly towards my direction but turned away when she realised I was looking at her.

She’s hot, pretty and no doubt smart.

I watched as she tried to open the bottle of water Lala gave her earlier.

She scrunched up her face as she tried to twist the bottle cap. It was then I realised Lala was constantly looking at Xuehua too. He bounced out from behind his stall, left the line of customers waiting for their drink and went over to Xuehua and helped her with the bottle cap.

Xuehua : hahha. Thank you Lala…

She took a sipped of the water and our eyes met again for a brief second.

I looked away first.

Owen scooped rice into his mouth and his tone took on a more serious note.

Owen : Jeff… I know what you are thinking….don’t.

I scooped another mouthful of rice into my mouth.

I did not need Owen to tell me that I don’t have a future with her.

It’s ok to fantasised about it, maybe wank it off but people like us.

People like me doing the things I do.

We die alone. In a place no one know, and when we do, probably no one cares.

A relationship has no place in the life I lead. I changed the topic and asked Owen about my next job.

Jeff : What’s my next project ?

Owen : Get acquainted with your new assistant … he’ll come in next month….

Jeff : If it doesn’t work out ?

Owen : it will….


Jeff : I meant what if ….

Owen : then it’s 28 for you….

Jeff : wow… you can be really cold sometimes you know…

Owen : I’m fucking kidding… don’t even think… I spent a lot of money and resources on him….

Jeff : Send me his files…

Owen : will do… anything else you want to know about him ??

Jeff : Yes….


Owen : What ?


I finished the last mouth of my lunch and I added.

Jeff : does he like chicken rice ?

Owen : hahhaha…



…………………………………………..


I found out from the files that Owen sent me that my assistant’s name is Billy.

He’s an orphan, no living relatives. Owen plucked him out of a police station when he was caught hacking into one of the telco company that he was part timing for.

Owen saw his potential and he made the whole incident go away.
In return, Billy was to go to school, complete his studies while working for Owen. The files contained mostly observations and a list of stuff Billy did. There was nothing in it that I can use to really evaluate him as a person.

I don’t trust him. It’s nothing personal.

It’s just the line of work we do.




3rd June 2013
Monday.

It was my first day with Billy and officially the 1st work day in the new office. Part of me was looking forward to heading back to the place for chicken rice even though I only had it barely 2 weeks ago.

Xuehua’s smile never left my head.

Her expression. Just thinking of her makes me want to break out in a smile. It was that infectious.

I woke up early and practised my smile in the mirror. I check my facial expressions and relaxed my facial muscles. I have no plans to show the real me in that building.

I knew I needed a mask to protect myself. I’m not the only one that does my line of work that is going to be entering and leaving that space. There are many more like me.

There’s a high chance that we might be taking the same lift, eating at the same place or even bumping into each other. We don’t know each other by face, but I know for sure everyone will be on the lookout.

Tell tale signs that is a dead giveaway is a strict no no.

Blend in, keep your head down and pretend I’m your everyday office paper pusher.

I have to also make sure I don’t reveal too much of my cards to Billy too. He may be my assistant but he still needs to earn my trust.

I got to the office tower in Little india at 7.30 am. I settled myself into a spot at the café and waited. It was then I noticed Lala and his father staring at me.

Fuck. It’s as if I’m taking up space when I did not order a drink.

I cleared my throat and went over to place my order.

Jeff : kopi O Kosong…..

Lala : 1 kopi kosong coming up…… kopi o… kopi o….. no sugar no milk… cheapest drink on the menu… kopi o kopi o….. 80 cents..

I think my jaw dropped an inch as I blinked a couple of times as Lala continued singing and announcing to everyone in the queue behind me that I placed an order for the cheapest drink.

I paid up and took the drink back to my seat. Right before I step away, I heard Lala singing the order of the person behind me and I felt a wave of relieve instantly.

For a moment I thought he was unhappy with me ordering the cheapest drink.

I enjoyed my coffee as I slowly took in the people coming in.

Many of the people working in that building know each other. I could see people greeting Lala and his father as they passed by the café. Some did no even need to place their orders, all the had to do was give a friendly wave and drop off their coins.

Lala knew what they wanted.

I stole a glance at Eddy behind the chicken rice stall. He hummed as he worked, opening the cover of the rice cooker as a column of steam rose up into the air.


Ah Kim and Ah Kiao are busy fulfilling the breakfast orders. Bowls of noodles served one after another. The sound of the porcelain bowls grinding against each other when being removed from the stacks and the light slam of the stainless steel cover of the boiler where the noodles are being cooked made the place feel so homely and warmth.

Lala and his father Freddy made sure there’s a steady clink of sound from the glass mugs they were using for the drinks.
The drag of the wooden chairs along the floor by customers, the occasional shout of orders.

If I closed my eyes it would feel as if I stepped back briefly in time when Singapore has yet to become such a fast pace concrete jungle.

The rattle of a trolley caught my attention and I saw a old lady pushing the cleaning cart towards the café. Her trolley has been heavily modified. It looked pretty amusing in fact.
Aside from the usually mops, brooms and bin, I could see a variety of hooks and makeshift shelves she attached on her own.

On closer look, her trolley had everything you can possibly need to keep the lobby clean.

Cleaning detergent, sprays, jumbo toilet rolls. There’s even a old radio antenna with rubber bands looped 2 inches high. The handles in which she is pushing the trolley is unique as well.

Instead of the usual horizontal handle bar , the lady gripped onto the what looked like the grip of a motorcycle handle. It’s damm cool I tell you. It’s a modified push bar complete with brake levers.

The stance in which she pushed her trolley, her arms spread shoulder width apart, she could well be riding a Harley Davidson. There is vigour in her step. She’s got to be in her sixties I think but there is still a bounce in her step.

The whole scene reminds me of a hip grandmother on the road.

The trolley jingled and rattled as it got closer to me, revealing more details of this interesting cart. A small radio sent streams of classic oldies to my ears. Songs that my dad use to play at his stall as well.

Lala saw the lady approach and called out to her.

Lala : Auntie Annie.~~~ Kopi O !!

I watched as Annie gave Lala a thumbs up as she parked her cart at the edge of the café like a boss. She walked like someone who just finish her Taichi class with a smile towards the noodle stall and place her order.

She chatted with the hawkers as she wiped the sweat from her forehead.
Come to think of it, Singapore must be one of the few places in the world where our elderly still have to continue working.

We are one of the most expensive city in the world to live in. The popular saying among the old folks is that it’s probably cheaper for you to just die than to fall sick.

I checked the timing on my watch.

I was scheduled to meet Billy at 8am at the café for breakfast. I know his face from the files Owen gave me. I dropped him a text the night before and he replied immediately.
He asked how will he know it’s me when we meet.

I reassured him that I will call out to him, besides, the café is pretty empty.

Most of the customers are getting takeaways.


I wiped my mouth and looked towards the main entrance to see if Billy has arrived. Surely he’s not going to be late for our first meeting.

Sipping my coffee, I leaned back on the chair and I could feel myself relaxing. It’s nice to be able to people watch in the morning with a cup of coffee. Perhaps it was because I have no projects on hand at the moment.

I spotted quite a few hot office babes entering the building and heading towards the lift.

I saw the entrance of a trio of classic character that looked like they came out of a movie.

3 large men, hair dyed blond with tattoos on their arms.
All of them wore black polo T with the name of their debt collection company printed in bold yellow font.

A 4th man caught up from behind, a thick gold chain around his neck almost blinded me as they hurried to enter a lift that was closing.

I saw the security uncle swagger over to the café as well. With a button undone on his shirt, he looked unkempt. His little booth by the side of the lift lobby serves more as a decoration than anything.

There is hardly any semblance of security in that building. No need to sign in or register yourself, and the security guard works from 8am to 6pm.

Quite unusual but it has always been this way.

I caught a glimpse of the name tag on the security guard. Just 1 word.

‘Leng’

I pretended to sip my coffee as he waved to Lala who immediately started to prepare his drink.

He acknowledged the rest of the café staff, says hi to Eddy before taking a seat at the corner of the café.

He shook his leg as he sipped his drink, singing a hokkien song softly. Retrieving some lottery ticket from his pocket, I watch him try to match the numbers to the ones on his mobile phone before silently cursing and crushing it.

My attention was suddenly drawn to the entrance of a well built man walking into the building.

He’s tall, at least 1.9m and even though he was wearing loose fitting clothes, I could tell he’s in top shape.

He’s well groomed, even his eyebrow is sculpted and trimmed. The veins on his forearms left little to imagination what he can do to a man’s neck if he put his mind to it.

He came to the café and several pairs of eyes went to him. His voice boomed deep and low, asking for a glass of hot water and a cup of tea.

Sitting down 2 seats away from me, his chiselled features looked grim and menacing. He looked at his phone and frowned, shaking his head as if he was disappointed with something he read.

What happened next came so fast that I had no time to react.

Billy entered the building.

Cradling a tablet in his hands with a set of headphones on his head, he half skipped and hopped into the café.

Billy carried a bag that looked a bit too small for him, it’s like he was still using the bag meant for his primary school. His jeans is ill fitting and baggy, like he was stuck in the era where baggy jeans are still the thing.

His t-shirt is definitely old school. A giant Alien head with the text Alien workshop printed at the bottom.

I was about to signal to him when he immediately jumped and took a seat in front of the large guy.

I almost wanted to vomit out my coffee as Billy sat down in front of the guy who stared at him in surprise.

Removing his headphone and keeping his tablet, I could see Billy nodding at the guy who had 1 eye brow raised.

My mouth opened an inch wider when I saw Billy jerk his head upwards at the large man, it’s as if he was waiting for him to do something.

Large man : What the fuck do you want ??

Billy was calm. He pulled his head backwards in a dramatic manner and regarded the guy from the corner of his eye.

Billy : whhhhhhaaattttttts uppppppp!!! Brother !!! ssssupppppp!!

I massaged my forehead and looked to the ceiling. Oh god. What kind of powerful creature did Owen send me.

It was at this moment when it finally became clear who the large man was waiting for. A woman with 2 kids came along. The 2 kids bounced up happily to their father who carried them up effortlessly.

Billy immediately realised his mistake and he apologised profusely, saying he made a mistake.

He got up, swung around and saw me looking at him.

He blinked twice, looking around the café once more just to be sure before he looked at me again.

I nod my head towards the seat in front of me and he immediately caught my que.

Billy : oh my god I’m so sorry…..paiseh paiseh….what’s up brother….. sorry sorry…

I extended my hand and I could tell Billy was nervous.
His palms were sweating.


I would be too if I was him.

I’m sure Owen told him who I am at the very least.

Jeff : Do you want a drink ?


Billy shook his head. His eyes never left me.
He kept looking at me and I did not stop him.

2 minutes later, I could tell he calmed down a little when he finally opened his mouth.

Billy : I.. erm… i… Jeff.. Jeff right….

Jeff : yes… call me Jeff…

Billy : It’s an honour to finally meet you…

Jeff : don’t be crazy…please don’t do or say anything that will suggest we are anything more than normal office employees…

Billy nodded with a grin.

Billy : ok… ok… sorry… I’m just nervous… I erermmmm.. I thought…. I thought…. All the things I’ve heard about you… I just … you know sort of form my own impression of how you look like….am I blabbering…. I think I am blabbering….. sorry I’m just nervous…

Jeff : don’t be… we’re colleagues… come… let’s head up to the office… we have a lot to talk about…


I got up to the 8th floor with Billy and we entered the main lobby of a large serviced office. Regular employees went about their day to day work and we continued walking towards the end of the hall.


Opening our own private office suite, I asked Billy to chose his seat.

Jeff : There’s the table on the left and the table on the right…. Take your pick…


Billy : Right side… window view….nice….