Letters I will never send out
 

I love you... I really do.

And I know you did love me too.

You must be wondering why i did those things to you. Pressuring you to give answers. Swinging wildly from being passionate to cold.

You might have thought it ended because of you. That we did not understand each other. And that I was a little over the edge and you were a little numb.

There's something I didn't tell you though, I have a family.

I have lied, cheated and even extorted your feelings. I thought I needed to end this and I deviced a way to make me look better. But I am really a very bad asshole.

I am getting all the heartaches i deserve, but you don't.

I cannot even hope for your forgiveness. I Gotta move on like you didnt matter. I got to forget you so I can focus on my family.

And it breaks my heart... because I do love you. I miss you terribly.

This is dedicated to you. And all the good things you brought
to my life. I have made a big mistake, but I do not regret meeting you.

Re: Letters I will never send out
 

Healing


We all need to heal from this.

I thought it's best not to keep thinking about you, but I can't. That's why I figured I should start writing.

I've tried many ways to make sense out of this. And I've researched why we fall in love, scientifically. It seems that it is programmed in all of us the ability to love. And the desire to love is at a very primate level.

There are 3 regions of the brain that becomes active when we are heartbroken. The first region controls the sense of attachment to someone. That's making me miss you more than ever.

The second region controls the calculating of gains and losses. It makes me start calculating the good and bad things you did. Whether I got a bad deal out of this. And because I'm now aware, I consciously tell myself not to go into this. The total sum is that I wronged you much more. And I am truly sorry.

The third region is responsible for addiction. For making the brain focus intensively on something. And to create excess energy to desire that thing. This is a hard one to beat :(

I guess the excess energy should be directed to a positive distraction soon. Maybe exercise?

How are you coping on your end?

Re: Letters I will never send out
 

Note to my wife

Well, this hasn't been fair to you.

I'm not sure when this happened, I filled your spot with someone else.

Believe me, I didn't plan for this. I guess our marriage has changed our relationship. It didn't feel the same as before. It made me want to stay away from home and bury myself in work. I thought I could live with this, until I met her.

What I had with her was exactly the same as what I had with you long ago. The intense romance, the care, the concern, the fun, the cheeky messages. I don't remember how ours stopped. But I do understand that this is not sustainable, and if I chose her over you, I will end up in the exact same spot years later.

I'm a logical person. You are my choice, the person whom I made my vows with. I had promised to go through this life with you, and with you only. I know I loved someone else, I stopped it. What I had with her, I hope to have it back with you.

Now here's the fact. I don't miss you as much as I miss her. I don't feel as excited to meet you. And I think she has taken over your spot.

I hate this too. I know I got to turn back. I thought about it, and we have not gone on a date for the longest time. I guess we need that. We need to have some time for each other. I would love to see you again. Actually, I love to see you now. I've been away from home for so long.

I didn't understand these things: marriage, affairs, romance, everything. I learned much more now. I read up a lot. I have a better idea on what I have been neglecting, what I have done wrong. I sincerely want to make this work now.

If there's one person who can give me the care and concern I need, I hope that's from you. And I hope I can give you the same.

I really do.

Re: Letters I will never send out
 

The best cure for all this angst is some nice, fresh, juicy pussy! :p

Discard the old. Bring in the new! :D

Re: Letters I will never send out
 

I've tried bro..... haha..... it's not working for me.

Re: Letters I will never send out
 

Nice pic :)

Re: Letters I will never send out
 

TS i feel you...

I love my wife with my head but i love the other one with my heart.

I feel like im the most fucked up and disgusting person in the universe when my wife waves me goodbye so happily and yet i am actually on my way to meet the other one...

As for the other one i thought i am a very 潇洒 person all along but deep down my soul will die when she is no longer by my side... I will become a robot in flesh...

No answer.. No solution.. No cure..

Re: Letters I will never send out
 

All this lovey dovey stuff is for starry eyed teenagers.

Once you reach your early 30s you should grow out of it and realise that true love is the stuff of fairy tales. The real world is a lot more mundane.

How old are you?

Re: Letters I will never send out
 

Bro, when I'm with the other girl I also thought I was cool. But i sank deeper and deeper.

For me made a decision to end it. Though I didnt make it clean. But I burned the entire bridge so I wont go back. It's something that must be done as I see no other way. Especially since my girl doesnt know Im married.

Re: Letters I will never send out
 

Early 30s boss...

I dont believe in true love either. But attraction and obsession are real things. Im just trying to get over an obsession now, and casual sex makes it a bit more difficult than helping it.

Re: Letters I will never send out
 

I am still thinking about you, especially when I'm on the bed. I almost cried everytime I wake up and thought of you. You're the first thing on my mind.

But I have progressed as well. I spent a lot of positive time on work. I focused on smart things rather than busy things. And I've talked more with my wife and planned for a date with her.

Sometimes I wonder how you are doing. If you're talking to another man to get through this. You're pretty and it wouldnt be difficult to find a guy. But at the end of the day I have to accept that these are not my business. And if you do find someone good to you, I should be happy for you.

I miss your smile. I miss your kisses. I miss holding you by my side. I'm not sure if I will ever feel this love again.

Re: Letters I will never send out
 

I think as I tried to move on, I recovered a part of myself again.

When I was with you, I became another person. It was the person I wanted to be, but it wasn't me. It's a make believe me. I didn't feel happy. I felt I was cheating you and I was cheating myself.

I became very emotional. I had mood swings and I alternate between flooding you with intense attention and ignoring you altogether. Though I also feel you did the same to me, but I was doing it a lot more. And I did it first. So I have no complains.

I sometimes wonder if I was single, could we have make it to become a couple. There were a few mood swing problems we faced, but we were so good before I started finding reasons to fight. If I was single, would we be able to pull through?

I wish there was a parallel universe which this could happen. I was single, and you were there to meet me when I was. In fact, if we have met 6 years ago under the same circumstances, things would have been very different. You would like me a lot more in those days. We would have dated, laughed, held hands, kissed, like every other couples did. Now we getting part of that because we can't really date. We hugged, we kissed, and it was all in stolen moments.

I won't deny that I sometimes still feel sore about burning the bridge. There were times I wondered if burned bridge can be restored. But I have decided to move on, to keep a little dignity for myself, and for you. I won't go back there.

This is the first time in my life, when I break up with someone at the most intense moment. I guess it's a confusing one for you. It's tearing me apart.

The concept of morality is very abstract. Why does loving you feel so right, when it is wrong. Why do I get hurt when I'm trying to make things right now?

My comfort comes from knowing from my friends who have been through this, that this is a phase. Something we can outgrow.

I always knew that in a heartbreak, it is a good time to start loving yourself again. I know you have no problem doing that, though you sometimes are emotional and cry too easily. You always take good care of yourself. And I am sure you are going to come out ok.

I will be ok too, I always will be.

Mornings are bad.....

I usually work myself hard so I can sleep at night without much thought.

But when morning comes, before logic and senses come in place, you are the only thing that come to my mind.

And when you do, it's a lot of heartache.

Re: Letters I will never send out
 

I confessed to my wife. I told her so I could work things out with her. Expectedly, she broke down.

I wonder what love is. My wife said she love me. She also said I don't love her anymore. Is that really thr case? What is love?

Is my self realization that I strayed and put an end to it immediately so i can get back and work things out with her not an act of love?

I think it's so easy to talk about love. But have you really love me too? Do you see a difference between how you treated me 6 years ago and how you are treating me these few years?

Those days, it was a lot of care and concern. Nowadays, it's a lot of checking and complaints.

The truth is, we both have taken things for granted. It's easy to say you love me, but what have you really put in into this relationship?

I feel this is a wake up call. I'm not saying I did right. I just realized love doesnt get sustained automatically. We got to work on it.

I know you feel hurt and you want to be the victim now. I just hope you come out of it soon and we start working together. We've still got a long way to go.

And yes, I do love you. Enough to realize problems quickly and enough to want to work on it with you.

If you can see how that works.....

Re: Letters I will never send out
 

You obviously have far too much free time on your hands and an idle mind is the devil's workshop.

If your life was challenging and meaningful you wouldn't have time for all this lovey, dovey nonsense.