Dilemma and need advice
 

Hi dear bros,

I'm not sure if this is the correct forum to post. But I don't wish to do it in a normal forum so here goes:
Appreciate any kind inputs and advice:

I have a loving gf of 4 years. Everything is going great. We got a place and on verge of marriage. In fact I already proposed to her and she agreed. To any normal guy, this would seem like an almost perfect relationship. She is everything a woman should be.

There is another girl whom I have known for 5 years. Purely platonic relationship. We recently met up and I discovered that she is still single. She is almost like my gf, except she cooks and does housework, basically things that my current gf don't really do. She has an almost Malaysian kampung girl mentality, except she is fully Singaporean. Looks wise, she is slightly prettier also. She is about 4 years older than my gf though. Throughout those 5 years where we maintained a platonic friendship, we hardly texted but on those occasions whereby we did, she will ask how is my life and my relationship etc. She is clearly still looking for her mr right, and I can sense it, and it is something she admits to also. I'm pretty sure she likes me, as she has hinted that she wished she could meet more guys like me. I don't know her very well, so I take her words with a pinch of salt.

However, she seems like a good catch and sex-wise, I think she is also open to new ideas (we communicated about this before, due to me lamenting about the dull and boring sex life I have with my current gf).

I don't know what to do. If I dump my current gf, I think I would definitely feel like I let her down, and it's a terribly cruel thing to do, because she has done no wrong. On the other hand, here is a girl whom appears to be everything my current gf is, except prettier and more adventurous. My current gf doesn't cook or do housework, while this girl takes care of her place very well (she bought her own place and currently lives together with her mum). She bakes, washes, cooks and I can see she is also very good wife material

What will you do if you were in my shoes?

Re: Dilemma and need advice
 

The grass is always greener on the other side. Think about it hard and deep bro. Your gf has done nothing but being a good gf/future wife to you. And remember karma.

Re: Dilemma and need advice
 

Think again b4 its too late

Re: Dilemma and need advice
 

I would say you are not fully committed to your gf. period.

Re: Dilemma and need advice
 

First,
If I were you, If I already have a Girlfriend and we are already in relationship for 4 year as you mention.

Then you have to ask yourself, What the Reason, Why you like her in the first place? What make you change, what make you distance from her? Is she the one who change, or are you the one who change?

Next, appearance of Girl number 2, which you know for 5 year. Ignore everything else, you feel attract to her because certain quality your 4 year GF lack, is found within Girl number 2.
I believe it the Quality or Characteristic that you like, not the Girl herself.

If that the case, just be completely honest, had a heart to heart conversation with your 4 year Girlfriend. Just communicate with her that you are not confident with the marriage as what you want is lack in her.

There a different between, cannot cook, don't want cook, refuse to cook, so which fall under her category? N, what household chore will you be contributing?
Don't expect you marry a Wife just to let her cook meal for you or clean the house, you can hire a maid for it (provided financial allow) , if not just make some agreement or arrangement. [If she in-charge of Cooking meal, then you in-charge Cleaning house]

Couple cover up each other flaws with each other strong point.

Whatever it is, you already propose to her, so just take responsibility of your own action.

Re: Dilemma and need advice
 

TS, ask yourself for deep consideration: sexual compatibility between you and your current gf about before and after marriage? Sexual compatibility is very important in marriages.

Do look for new gf’s hidden flaws before you dump your current gf for her.
Pretty looking women with baking/cooking skills and household chores will attract men easily so she may hide the truth from you.

Re: Dilemma and need advice
 

It nt how long the relationship. Is how much the other one can communicate, understand and care for u.

Don't force yourself to commit to a relationship that you already know will fail. Divorce is not easy for sg guy.

Re: Dilemma and need advice
 

TS,
I walked a similar path. Had a gf for 7 years. She was a pretty banker. We were the near perfect couple. Got along fine. Don't quarrel. But we rarely had sex. Bec she dislikes sex. Proposed to her.

Enter a new girl. From a humble family. Very well brought up. Prettier. A banker too. This girl was sexually compatible. Not adventurous in the bedroom like the gf of 7 yrs. But will not decline my advances.

I had to choose. Like you. It was a tough choice.

I broke off with my gf. Mutual consent. She found a bf. I gave myself time to date the new lady. 8 years. Eventually, I married her. After a few kids and >15 yrs of marriage, we are still happily married and rocking it out in the bedroom.

I think I am successful in my marriage and attribute it to the choice I made back then.

=========

Rather than tell you who to choose, here are some pointers

- you are going to be married for life. There are many threads here where married men lament a lack of sex after kids. They eat out. Have a mistress. Get commercial sex. Get caught. Lose the love with wife. Divorce etc. Sexual compatibility is therefore critical to keep a marriage going.

- continuing a relationship out of guilt harms both parties. One is just bringing the misery into a marriage, and by extension making it a life long pain for both parties. If the lady you are dating is not the One, be mature about it. End it. Move on.

- don't be afraid to re-start. Choosing the right one is more important.

- find a partner you can live with daily. One that makes you happy. Because she is going to live with you forever. Don't expect her to change "magically" after marriage. No one does that. So, if she is not adventurous in the bedroom now and this aspect is important to you, she won't be after marriage. Going by the accounts in SBF, most ladies experience a decline in libido after marriage and kids.

- if you want "bake, cook, wash", you can get a maid. Later in life when your combined salary increases and when the kids come. But the maid cannot satisfy your bedroom KPI. So, distinguish properly

Re: Dilemma and need advice
 

ts you are in this fucking forum for 15 years already, and should be in your 30s. what you have learnt from here? :rolleyes:

better you just continue fucking here and dont destroy those two lady's life and let them marry other good guys

TS

From the way you wrote, it seems that you already have a decision.

Dont married because of guilt.

I have been there.

You may hurt your current GF now but short term hurt is better then long term regrets ..

But don't jumped into another new relation immediately too..take it slow and not fall into the similar dilemma again

Re: Dilemma and need advice
 

If I am TS, I will choose girl 2, wife material. End of the day, it’s hard and difficult to change ones character.

Re: Dilemma and need advice
 

There will always be a “better” gal , someone who’s always prettier, more capable, richer .... however there’s only this gal who truly loves you and will only be faithful to you.

She’s one and only, irreplaceable.

Never ignore someone who cares for you because someday you'll realize you've lost a diamond while you were busy collecting stones.

Re: Dilemma and need advice
 

life is about choices.
why would you ask when you are the one leading your own life.
there always an another girl.
temptations wont stop even if you married the second girl.

you are just not ready!

dont hurt the two girls.

Re: Dilemma and need advice
 

Well say bro.

I know a gal that about the same u say.

Upped u +16

Re: Dilemma and need advice
 

whoa... deciding who to marry is wayyyy too difficult. i wonder how anyone gets married at all. :/

sorry that's not actually helpful advice, but i think you've already been given a lot of advice. some leans one way, and some leans the other, and i think a lot of it makes sense in its own way. i don't think there's any way to tell how the future will turn out...

i guess once you truly make a decision, commit fully to it, stop thinking about what-ifs and work on making it the best decision - otherwise you're always going to second-guess yourself. please try not to hurt anyone in the process.

There isn't going to be a PERFECT person, and there will always be someone better if you are looking for one. I think a relationship is a lot more than the absolute qualities of each person though - it's about the relationship BETWEEN people. It involves things you can work on (eg.
communication) and some things that are harder to work on (eg. chemistry?), and includes the time you have spent together, feelings you have exchanged, your shared history, and the willingness to sacrifice and do certain things for each other.

ehhh but what do i know... lol.