Any married guys/ladies don’t wanna have kids

[lalaliang]

Just curious how is the overall thoughts on having kids nowadays. Is there anyone in the same boat? Me and my wife doesnt wanna have kids, any experienced people here who can share some info anything good or bad could happen if the couple dont wanna have kids in the future?

I know of a few like:

Pros of having kids:
Increase liveliness in the house
They can take care of u when u are ill or old

Cons:
Lonely - noone to talk to when u are old
Different from the masses who have kids
If something happen to your partner. U will be alone

Me and my partner is thinking to just get pets instead. Of course pets wouldn’t outlive humans.. but prob as a form of company

Anyone can Jump in to share their thoughts if u think having babies are good or bad in these days? Why you dont wanna have kids, etc.
Whats the best and worst thing that can happen to you if you dont wanna have kids?

[D-joker]

I think the biggest issue about kids is commitment and responsibility which will result in lesser freedom be it financially or time.

For me i strongly oppose abortion hence when my ex wife got pregnant, i got the kid.

Really depends on what you want and how you want your marriage to be lor.

[naan1974]

Children are not byproduct of marriage .
You either want it or not. if unsure, please don't
else you will blame each other for the rest of your life
Not forgetting there is absolute no U Turn or refund
nor is it exchangeable

[Lanister]

“Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'"

God’s will

[Hoppip]

Kids = money. Nothing but expense. Nothing wrong with having them but you gotta be financially ready.
I like to fuck with no responsibilities afterwards, hence this is where FLs come in. They settle whatever happens back home

[morrissey1209]

“Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'"

God’s will

Let's quote scripture then. 11th commendment: Thou should have massages and have other women touch thou dick. Dick 11:11

[graniph]

Children are not byproduct of marriage .
You either want it or not. if unsure, please don't
else you will blame each other for the rest of your life
Not forgetting there is absolute no U Turn or refund
nor is it exchangeable

+1 to this. if you're second guessing whether yes or no then definitely no.

kids are to form a family with your wife - you dont outweigh pros and cons because its hands down cons all the way with only 1 pro - that's completing a family, mentally. physically it doesn't count imho.

mentally completing a family meaning feeling happy when you're home. the journey to raising a kid is tough and chances of bad 'investment' of a kid is high and you'll hate yourself later for raising a dumb fuck.

im married and me and my wife are still contemplating for kid. we are ready definitely, but mentally not yet because there's still things we want to achieve in life before getting a young one. hope you find your answer.

[jaccy]

want to have but cannot afford. So, how to have? Now focus on career first

[LordVader]

Pros of having kids:
They can take care of u when u are ill or old


Remains to be seen.

[LordVader]

“Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'"

God’s will

See, I don't believe in fairy tale as a grown man.

Whatever the words are in the good book, it is ultimately written by man with agendas.

[lalaliang]

Children are not byproduct of marriage .
You either want it or not. if unsure, please don't
else you will blame each other for the rest of your life
Not forgetting there is absolute no U Turn or refund
nor is it exchangeable

Agree with this. It seems we are not ready yet, or even, talked about not having kids in the future already. But guys, if this is the case, is there a way to 100% stop unwanted preg? I mean i know condom but we know condoms are not 100% .what about take out the womb to make sure there’s no pregnancy in the future?

[lalaliang]

Remains to be seen.

Yes i know it’s 50/50 chance on this. Either the child grows up to take care of u or throw u aside

[RestlessStorm]

In the past, your worries are over once the kid starts working and be independent.
Nowadays you have to make sure they need to have a roof over their head as they cannot even an "affordable" HDB flat.

[lalaliang]

In the past, your worries are over once the kid starts working and be independent.
Nowadays you have to make sure they need to have a roof over their head as they cannot even an "affordable" HDB flat.

Its getting expensive nowadays.. :o

[Lanister]

“养儿一百岁，长忧九十九” 😢

[Xgenre]

what about take out the womb to make sure there’s no pregnancy in the future?

Take out the womb means hysterectomy? If yes, it means immediately menopause. She has to be on hormonal replacement therapy and can be quite devastating on her long term health. I don't think you can find a surgeon who will do with just purely for birth control. Go google (nexplanon implant). You can do a vasectomy too since you are sure you don't ever want kids. Why must all the birth control duty fall on the lady only?

[lilmei]

Ya lah. Selfish fucker like you really should not reproduce. Don't be a Chee Bye and get the vasectomy yourself. See a GP for referral, go to community hospital for procedure.

[lalaliang]

Take out the womb means hysterectomy? If yes, it means immediately menopause. She has to be on hormonal replacement therapy and can be quite devastating on her long term health. I don't think you can find a surgeon who will do with just purely for birth control. Go google (nexplanon implant). You can do a vasectomy too since you are sure you don't ever want kids. Why must all the birth control duty fall on the lady only?

Didnt know there’s something like this.. thats why i wanna see if anyone here can give good advice.. thanks for pointing out. but of course this will be discussed with her if we really want to do anything. Its not a one side agreement. And may not even do anything about it at all.. :p

[lalaliang]

Ya lah. Selfish fucker like you really should not reproduce. Don't be a Chee Bye and get the vasectomy yourself. See a GP for referral, go to community hospital for procedure.

Its actually people like you cursing people behind a keyboard that thinks it can boost up your ego by another % today that makes this society seem worst than before.. it was just a looking for advice and questions, why get so worked up dude? Relax lah.. :p

[benq557]

Both of you can think when both get old, your CPF money, your saving and your property etc which both of you work throughout your life who do you want to give to? All to charity or your brother or your sister or let government decide for you when you pass away.

[MaggieMi]

Its getting expensive nowadays.. :o

Some white fuckers still say HDB flats are affordable :D

[VoicesWithin]

Agree with this. It seems we are not ready yet, or even, talked about not having kids in the future already. But guys, if this is the case, is there a way to 100% stop unwanted preg? I mean i know condom but we know condoms are not 100% .what about take out the womb to make sure there’s no pregnancy in the future?

Take out womb? Lol

Don't make permanent decisions with vasectomy. You will never reproduce.

There is a female procedure called reversible ligation. Basically, the surgeon clips a part so that she will not get pregnant. It is reversible. Go Google.

My wife had it done after we decided we do not want any more kids. Works perfect. No more condom since.

[VoicesWithin]

I am married with kids. I know a good uni fren who is married with no kids. Now 30 years later, she just dotes on her nieces. As a couple, they have a lot more free time. A lot more cash.

Is she happy? I guess she is.

Is she lonely? She has her hubby. She has her job. Her peers talk about children during gatherings. She just has to find childless friends. Minor adjustments.

My advice. Keep an open mind. If you are not ready, you are not ready.

There will come a time when all your friends talk about baby stuffs. Maybe then your paternal and maternal instincts will surface.

Some things need time. I was so sure I will not have kids when I got married. Now I tell u how many kids I have, u will tio stun lol.

[lalaliang]

Both of you can think when both get old, your CPF money, your saving and your property etc which both of you work throughout your life who do you want to give to? All to charity or your brother or your sister or let government decide for you when you pass away.

Have never thought of this yet..yes this is a legit concern too as to who to give our assets to when we die. Not sure if this is a worry for some of you who doesnt wanna have babies? As u cant actually bring $$ over when u die.. im not rich family unless one day lucky tio toto...so probably not as much worry as those millionaires but still a valid question for me and partner to consider.

[lalaliang]

Take out womb? Lol

Don't make permanent decisions with vasectomy. You will never reproduce.

There is a female procedure called reversible ligation. Basically, the surgeon clips a part so that she will not get pregnant. It is reversible. Go Google.

My wife had it done after we decided we do not want any more kids. Works perfect. No more condom since.

Thanks. Of course i dont want to hurt anyone of my family going thru this decision together. Will have a lookout on this as an option.

And to ans some people about why vasec was one of the option as to prevent pregnancy 100% is because i dont want to be trapped in a situation where unplanned preg comes and have to choose to abort baby which i dont want to. I cant make myself to kill a life. It was an option but def i dont want bad things to happen to my partner thereafter.. so dont judge me based on some of the wuestions here cos we’re learning still

[lalaliang]

I am married with kids. I know a good uni fren who is married with no kids. Now 30 years later, she just dotes on her nieces. As a couple, they have a lot more free time. A lot more cash.

Is she happy? I guess she is.

Is she lonely? She has her hubby. She has her job. Her peers talk about children during gatherings. She just has to find childless friends. Minor adjustments.

My advice. Keep an open mind. If you are not ready, you are not ready.

There will come a time when all your friends talk about baby stuffs. Maybe then your paternal and maternal instincts will surface.

Some things need time. I was so sure I will not have kids when I got married. Now I tell u how many kids I have, u will tio stun lol.

Happy for you bro!! We are not mentally ready. She’s getting 30 soon too. Which is passing of golden age soon for having babies

[havana]

No point getting married in the first place if not getting any child...:rolleyes:

[VoicesWithin]

Happy for you bro!! We are not mentally ready. She’s getting 30 soon too. Which is passing of golden age soon for having babies

Aiyo. 30 only. Chey! I thought what. Maternal and paternal instincts where got so fast surface. Your generation most people have it in their mid to late 30s. I know a married lady friend late 40s then suddenly want to have a child. And she went ahead with it.

Golden age is not 30 lah. After 35, the risk of having a down syndrome kid increases. So gynaecologist will pierce baby bag to draw liquid to test. Minor risk. So people always advise best age to have kids is <35.

[huareyou]

married, no kids. will never want to have kids. wife wishes to have, but she understands that it's a two way street.

like the bros here have pointed out, having a kid is a commitment. no refunds, etc.

i'd also point out that we'd also have to be mentally prepared if the child is different, and not in a good way. health and mental issues. are we mentally and emotionally prepared to handle that? the financial part can be dealt with along the way, but it's the strength to follow through if the child has a life long issue - i think this is a lot harder to handle. i don't think i can deal with this either.

personally, i think it's a bit irresponsible to ourselves and the hypothetical kid if we imagine only the most pleasant scenario when having kids. for example, the kid being obedient or receptive, basically a guai kid. i can't stand kids, because of how noisy and rowdy they can be. more importantly, i don't think i am capable of handling a rowdy kid in a meaningful manner without scarring the poor chap for life or materially altering the mental state to the point where the kid will grow up to have issues.

what i hate more is putting a kid in the world only for the guy to realise that he or she basically can't do what they want to do, or that they have to run the rat race they fucking hate and didn't even have a choice of not participating in it (but not like anyone of us here have a choice either right?). Even if they decide to quit the rat race, it's not as if there's a viable alternative route for the kid to achieve their goals.

i know we can't all have our cake and eat it too, but shit, as parents, wouldn't we want the kid to have both?

i refuse to have kids just for the sake of having kids, have the kid as an insurance / investment policy. to me at least, i think these are the most selfish reasons to have kids.

all that being said, there's never a good time to have kids - there'll always be another commitment, another project, another goal or hurdle that will get in the way, or that we disagree with gahment policies for education and workforce where we can only see the effects 15-20 years down the road and realise it's fine. you have to just fuck it all, make time and space for the kid, just like how you got to make the kid.

biggest upside to not having kids? basically freedom. worst thing? just not having the experience of being a parent i guess? but i don't see this as a loss.

[hakone]

With the current climate, environment, population, conflicts, stress etc issues we all facing, 50 years from now it is likely even tougher to live on this planet. I probably think twice whether want to bring a child to this world and have him/her suffer.

[VoicesWithin]

married, no kids. will never want to have kids. wife wishes to have, but she understands that it's a two way street.

like the bros here have pointed out, having a kid is a commitment. no refunds, etc.

i'd also point out that we'd also have to be mentally prepared if the child is different, and not in a good way. health and mental issues. are we mentally and emotionally prepared to handle that? the financial part can be dealt with along the way, but it's the strength to follow through if the child has a life long issue - i think this is a lot harder to handle. i don't think i can deal with this either.

personally, i think it's a bit irresponsible to ourselves and the hypothetical kid if we imagine only the most pleasant scenario when having kids. for example, the kid being obedient or receptive, basically a guai kid. i can't stand kids, because of how noisy and rowdy they can be. more importantly, i don't think i am capable of handling a rowdy kid in a meaningful manner without scarring the poor chap for life or materially altering the mental state to the point where the kid will grow up to have issues.

what i hate more is putting a kid in the world only for the guy to realise that he or she basically can't do what they want to do, or that they have to run the rat race they fucking hate and didn't even have a choice of not participating in it (but not like anyone of us here have a choice either right?). Even if they decide to quit the rat race, it's not as if there's a viable alternative route for the kid to achieve their goals.

i know we can't all have our cake and eat it too, but shit, as parents, wouldn't we want the kid to have both?

i refuse to have kids just for the sake of having kids, have the kid as an insurance / investment policy. to me at least, i think these are the most selfish reasons to have kids.

all that being said, there's never a good time to have kids - there'll always be another commitment, another project, another goal or hurdle that will get in the way, or that we disagree with gahment policies for education and workforce where we can only see the effects 15-20 years down the road and realise it's fine. you have to just fuck it all, make time and space for the kid, just like how you got to make the kid.

biggest upside to not having kids? basically freedom. worst thing? just not having the experience of being a parent i guess? but i don't see this as a loss.

Interesting share. I tot exactly like you when I was in my 30s. Then when one got sick and tired of being sick and tired, nature happened. Till now, I find the change incredulous. The 100 reasons why I hated kids. And how my world changed when I gazed at my first born baby for hours. And then when she became a rebellious teenager, it changed again. Life can be strange. Haha

Btw one of my kid has special needs. So ya, it can be challenging.

[ilovepantyhose]

i refuse to have kids just for the sake of having kids, have the kid as an insurance / investment policy. to me at least, i think these are the most selfish reasons to have kids.


the chinese has this saying 养儿防老

some people get married and have kids, just so that there is someone to take care of them when old. they are too selfish to realise that they might have fucked up their kids via guilt trips, from young till adulthood

[LiuJun]

Personally I don't want to have kids unless my wife and kids are in Malaysia or Thailand maybe I can still consider. Also have kids very mafan lah

[Xgenre]

married, no kids. will never want to have kids. wife wishes to have, but she understands that it's a two way street.

She will feel her maternal instinct hit her more when her friends have cute kids. It is not 2 way street when she is listening to your view. It is 1 way street because only you are getting what you want. This may be a recurring issue after her child bearing years when she knows there is nothing much she can do for her life long regret. Did you both discuss this before marriage? Both families accept your view not to have kids? Or will they pressure you more as both of you age?

[alleniate]

Having a child is a very big commitment. I had my child when I was 22. Way too young and immature to be a parent.

I can tell you its the worse decision i've ever made in my life. If I can turn back time. I will remain single till i die.

[tnuc]

Married for 5 years didn’t want kids and had a dog. Marriage rocky until tried for kid. Which was for another 3 years.

Not say want kid then sure will strike jackpot one. Now got one kid and marriage is more stable

Perspectives And our lives will evolve.

[lalaliang]

Having a child is a very big commitment. I had my child when I was 22. Way too young and immature to be a parent.

I can tell you its the worse decision i've ever made in my life. If I can turn back time. I will remain single till i die.

Seems like u didnt plan for this baby. Was it an accident? Hope u are doing well now tho since it seems ur baby have grown up

[lalaliang]

married, no kids. will never want to have kids. wife wishes to have, but she understands that it's a two way street.

like the bros here have pointed out, having a kid is a commitment. no refunds, etc.

i'd also point out that we'd also have to be mentally prepared if the child is different, and not in a good way. health and mental issues. are we mentally and emotionally prepared to handle that? the financial part can be dealt with along the way, but it's the strength to follow through if the child has a life long issue - i think this is a lot harder to handle. i don't think i can deal with this either.

personally, i think it's a bit irresponsible to ourselves and the hypothetical kid if we imagine only the most pleasant scenario when having kids. for example, the kid being obedient or receptive, basically a guai kid. i can't stand kids, because of how noisy and rowdy they can be. more importantly, i don't think i am capable of handling a rowdy kid in a meaningful manner without scarring the poor chap for life or materially altering the mental state to the point where the kid will grow up to have issues.

what i hate more is putting a kid in the world only for the guy to realise that he or she basically can't do what they want to do, or that they have to run the rat race they fucking hate and didn't even have a choice of not participating in it (but not like anyone of us here have a choice either right?). Even if they decide to quit the rat race, it's not as if there's a viable alternative route for the kid to achieve their goals.

i know we can't all have our cake and eat it too, but shit, as parents, wouldn't we want the kid to have both?

i refuse to have kids just for the sake of having kids, have the kid as an insurance / investment policy. to me at least, i think these are the most selfish reasons to have kids.

all that being said, there's never a good time to have kids - there'll always be another commitment, another project, another goal or hurdle that will get in the way, or that we disagree with gahment policies for education and workforce where we can only see the effects 15-20 years down the road and realise it's fine. you have to just fuck it all, make time and space for the kid, just like how you got to make the kid.

biggest upside to not having kids? basically freedom. worst thing? just not having the experience of being a parent i guess? but i don't see this as a loss.

Same as another bros here.. i am also having the same thoughts as you here on most of the points u raised up. The thing is, me and my partner dont think we have the mental capability to raise a child cos we dont really like kids as they may be noisy. We like peaceful lifestyle.
Time wise is all about sacrifice too like u pointed out. Glad that we are also not planning to have baby.
Thanks for ur thoughts here. Btw the one thing different is that my wife also ok not to have kids :D
Hope the best for ur family

[lalaliang]

Married for 5 years didn’t want kids and had a dog. Marriage rocky until tried for kid. Which was for another 3 years.

Not say want kid then sure will strike jackpot one. Now got one kid and marriage is more stable

Perspectives And our lives will evolve.

We are planning for a cat when bto ready. Actually mine is abot rocky too. But doesnt mean having a kid will stabilise r/s.. nowadays lots of families w kids are filing for divorce :( . Happy for u tho!