Who is the right one?

[decadentboy]

After reading postings on the one you married is not the one you love most. Just ranting over here and see if anyone had the same experience and can share a thought or two.

True story.

I met A, back in school. Overtime, we became a couple. After close to 10 years, we decided to tie the knot. Everything is normal, nothing spectacular or fantastic. That was also after settling a lot of problems.

Over the same period when I was having a lot of problems with A, I met B, 5 years young, and we got physical after sometime. It was intended to be a fling but I simply cant let go of B as she is the best bed partner that I had. She knows exactly what to do and when, we are so connected in bed. We have almost the same expectation in life. The best of it is that she leaves me alone and wait for me to call her. All this time, she treated me as a bf and waiting for the next stage in a relationship.

After 3 years, this relationship without explicit commitment, B treated me more like a hubby, checking to see if I have problems and give supporting statements once in a while. She came to me the other day saying that her parents are asking me back to their place for dinner and that we should move on to marriage plans as she wants to have all her babies before 30. I have met the parents before but never as a bf. I was at a lost for words.

At the same time, I found that B went on dates with this other guy, just dinners and outings as the other guy is married. She told me about those dates, and telling me that she is being truthful to me. Jeolousy and guilt creeps in. So much so that, I start thinking about her night after night.

Just before all the conversations about dinners and her meeting other guys, I had the intention to end off with B since already committed to A and wedding preparations are underway. I just cant get myself to do it. Everytime, I tried, her smilie just melts me away.

Now, I have no idea if I am with A because we have been together too long. If A is the right one. If I can ever sustain the marraige and forever after loving A. Not sure how to tell B, what to tell B. I am committed to A while heart and dick lies with B. What a mess that I have caused.

Problems of 2 timing. How do you managed your feeling that was shared between 2 gals? What would you guys do if you are / have been in the same situation.

[tcss queen]

New one always better, after 10 years maybe you feel the same as how you feel with A. Quite tough for us to tell or advise you. You should look closely into yourself and see who you want to be in 30 years time...

In the same regard, don't feel tied to A bcos it has been very long already n tat the thing to do...

[alba]

Noone can answer your question, ask your heart for the only answer.

[MMM88]

follow your heart and conscience ......................;)

[SBF Thug]

Your trousers we cannot help you decide which one to wear for you! Comfortable or not only you yourself know. I think maybe you just got the wedding jitters.

But hor remember that you got to to explain to everyone why the wedding is off if you decide to go for B. Not very nice thing to do.

[Deztruct]

Your heart always knows the correct answer but rite now..u might be too confused to hear what your heart has been saying

[juzjoin]

r u having tis felin juz bcos u r 2gether with A longer and the excitment or freshness with A is no longer there. Or do u want 2 have the best of both world. Tink with ur bigger head and dun let ur dick does the tinking. Solve it earlier b4 both parties find out & u will be in 4 troubles....

[youcalll]

Just my 2 cents. There isn't any so called "the right one" in life. "The right one" only becomes right after both sides put in lots of efforts to make things work. In any relationship there is a delicate balance. Imagine two cups 3/4 filled with water. When one side tries to pour everything into another cup, water spills out. There must be constant effort between two sides to balance the act. I think you need to ask yourself who do you think will be willing to put in those efforts with you in years to come go thru thick and thin, raise your kids and grow together as a family. When another 10 or 20 years down the road when she looks old and out of shape, who will you be willing to lay down your life for?(e.g jump into the sea to save her, donate your liver/kidney/bone marrow etc etc disclaimer:i know a bit drama but just try to imagine). I do believe there is a answer somewhere deep down inside your heart and you just need some confirmation from yourself. Try not to factor in too much of the sex factor. Sex is important but not too much percentage. Just my 2cents and only you know the ans.Gd luck

[tk-king]

same case here bro
but mine not as long as urs

is a tough decision
but for sure dun choose someone just becos she is good in bed

[nelman06]

Noone can answer your question, ask your heart for the only answer.

follow your heart and conscience ......................;)

Your heart always knows the correct answer but rite now..u might be too confused to hear what your heart has been saying

HEART


Tink with ur bigger head and dun let ur dick does the tinking.

I second this. Small head is filled with blood, not brain.

[techienator]

juz chipping in my own opinion here.. in life, there's never a 100% right one for each other.. you can only find the one that you are most comfortable with.. like most people say, go with your heart as that is what you truly wants.. i want to put in another is that do consider carefully and make the right choice.. dun regret later if you had made the wrong decision..

[asdfghjkl]

A is a better choice as i assumed she kept quiet all along.. women sixth sense is very powerful..

[Kiss Me]

A is a better choice as i assumed she kept quiet all along.. women sixth sense is very powerful..

Good advices man!!!:D

[Offspring]

Sometimes you already have the answer but you dont want to listen to it. My wife already suspect that i have a gf outside. Even if i keep saying no, her intuition is good and takes my answer at face value.

[AdviceorAdvices]

Good advices man!!!:D

"Advice" is a non countable noun, you do not add an "s" to make it plural.

"Advice" is like "Rice". You say... "Please pass me the rice." You don't say "Please pass me the rices" because "rice", like "advice", is a non countable noun.

There are many other examples. To test your knowledge of non countable nouns, go to http://a4esl.org/q/j/ck/ch-countnouns.html and take the test.

[sbm4900]

bro, while you are still single, you can still choose. we can;t so of course consider B is a better option for me. the encouragement from B and joy are too good everytime unless A can follow or learn from B.

the jealousy from B is that you also refuse to let go so still want to compete for the B's heart. B at this point of time, can choose since you have no commitment to her. this is why the angry part.

well,, can;t have the best of both world and i reckon you will be like our bros having 2 ( A and B ) at the same time ...likely conclusion.:p

[darrendon]

After reading postings on the one you married is not the one you love most. Just ranting over here and see if anyone had the same experience and can share a thought or two.

True story.
..................................

Problems of 2 timing. How do you managed your feeling that was shared between 2 gals? What would you guys do if you are / have been in the same situation.

Just find yourself a quiet place (probably the sea side etc.) alone and think about this really carefully.

In my opinion, since you have already agreed to the wedding with A and also in the middle of preparation, you have more or less decided what you are going to do. Once you have decided, just follow through and don't regret or think about why you have made this decision in the first place. And if you have decided to be with B, you also won't know whether you will be happy with her after married. So, I think the point is you know yourself that you are going to be with A but you doesn't know how to break up with B since you doesn't want to break B's heart. That is why you are feeling confused.

Just rest assured that B will know what to do after you married A and she will be able to carry on with her life. Just talk to her and tell her how you feel. Even if you tell lies to her, at least it's for her own good. It's also to set her free and let her carry on her life rather than sticking with you and she cannot proceed.

[no_faith]

wow, now got trend of A and B story.:D
http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?t=74238

no need choose lah. take both.
1, 3, 5
2, 4, 6
sun off.:D

[bogeyman]

wow, now got trend of A and B story.:D
http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?t=74238

no need choose lah. take both.
1, 3, 5
2, 4, 6
sun off.:D

Cannot, should leave at least 3 or 4 other days for new gers .... with the above, maybe 2 month sianz liao

[decadentboy]

Thanks for accepting my ranting...

I thought that darrendon has the best view...

"In my opinion, since you have already agreed to the wedding with A and also in the middle of preparation, you have more or less decided what you are going to do. Once you have decided, just follow through and don't regret or think about why you have made this decision in the first place. And if you have decided to be with B, you also won't know whether you will be happy with her after married. So, I think the point is you know yourself that you are going to be with A but you doesn't know how to break up with B since you doesn't want to break B's heart. That is why you are feeling confused."

I shared extracts of B with A last night about what went about. She was crying, expectedly. A said that she cannot understand what is it that she is not doing correctly that I can feel drifted just like that. Surprisingly, it does not really break my heart when she cried. Just that it is a form of relieve not to hang on to this alone. On the other hand, she was asking if we want to postpone the wedding. We got the flat, the restaurant, wedding package, took the pictures, everything just short of sending out the invites. Relatives and friends all know that we are on this path now. After coming to 10 years and eve of the marriage, I am going to end it all? This is what I hang on to: wondering why I proposed in the first place. I might just roll over to B if I have not proposed.

Hanging on to B because I like her smile, sweet, bringing away the troubled day. B always says, "as long as you are happy, I am happy", now she is saying, she can already herself see walking down the room with me to sign the paper, very happy. With A it is like routine. Knowing what to expect. What I do not get from A is the very passionate way of looking at me in the eyes and says she loves me. But I know she does, in her own way.

I am going to talk to B and tell her a lie so that I be fair to her and let her move on with her life, maybe with this other guy that she dates now. What I know is that when this gal cries, she will break my heart. Just that this time have to be determine to let her go. I wonder if I were to cancel the wedding with A and be with B, she will be comfotable with all my friends later as everyone would view her as a 3rd party. There is still the problem of her joining my long list of family who already acknowledge A as the prospective family member.

I am always very daring when comes to telling truth and do not care what others see, life if my own anyway, so long as I am happy. In this case, I am just tongue tied.

Who do you think I really love? I am still confused but I will just fall back to the norm and try my best to love A... unless within the next 2 weeks there is a major uproar about this continuity in the plan. I think I will never know how is it like to be with B. I wonder if there are guys out there still going through this in the eve of a marriage. I hate the me at this moment.

[localhunter]

Everyday we have to make our own choices. Making a wrong choice will caused our life to be fucked up. Sometimes, deep in your heart, you already make your own choices but it just you don't want to stand for it. If you think you like B, then go and tell A that you want to cancel the wedding plan. Don't make A wait for you cause short term pain is better than long term. Trust me, you will never know what is in a girl's mind. Well, better don't wait after u get marry with A, then u goes back together with B, and this time ask for divorce. If you prefer A, then tell the truth to B and cut the relationship. You need to let your heart speak for you rather than your 'little brother'. I agree that good sex is important, but who is the one that always stand for you and be with you for 10 years?
Choose one .. either A or B .. :)

[5stars]

You might need a real test.

Imagine this:
If both Girl A & Girl B call you at the same time, and ask you to attend to them - who will you attend to?

Also, a faithful, caring & understanding wife is the most important, and not how 2 of you perform or enjoy on the bed. Of course, sexual element is important, but not the deciding factor.

[liketoplay]

marriage is for life .. Think about it carefully before proceeding forward. Nobody will be able to help you make a choice as we dun know both A and B . I was once pressured into marriage by my ex and I even bought her a ring , but I back out in the end as I thought she's not the right girl for me.

hope you';; make the right choice for yourself

[Megatronzombie]

I tell you no matter how pretty your wife is or how good she is in bed or even how nice the things she say to you now, if you guys don't match in terms of communication, understanding, interest etc no matter how exciting the relationship is and how good sex is now will turn sour eventually. Then the gal will not give you good time in bed, so only nice to see but cannot do nothing. Thats what I am experiencing right now, wife shit lovely also no use. Then if this happen, and some guy might come around and cheong her, give her good and nice feeling, presents etc and since she is having a lousy time with you, she might even let the guy bonk her. Think about it with your top head -___- dun think with your other head hor.. my 2 cents worth advice but its true...

[Mr Canon]

I do agree that sex is not the main reason but most guys should agree that this is one of the more important factor to keep a relationship going, right?

Just imagine, if the wife is good/great in almost everything but she just don't enjoy or refuse to have sex, would you mind?

[vertigo_alpha]

choose B. since your heart dick belong to her.

[poorman4sex]

Mr canon.. cannot agree with u more ... who say sex is not important in a marriage life, if you really think so you will so regret getting a wife that dun like sex... a wife is bond to you for life(if u dun divorce her).
Imagine doing to a wooden log, a dead fish... no response, motionless... worst then the worst $40 you ever fuck... at least $40 also got some fake respond....
imagine asking for sex and was rejected 9 out of 10 times...and the 10th time you ask you got the above respond.... sianzzz

To Thread starter,
I no better then you, actually worst....you are going to get married but I am already married for 12 years with 2 kids.
I got into an affair with another woman also married with 2 kids.... and she is even 3 years older then me and 7 years old then my wife. So, age and beauty is not the thing i am looking for.
SEX ? YES.... not that she is good in bed... i was actually very surprise she is so inexperience in bed.

Of coz there are other things that leads me to have jump into this shit... but now i am also totally lost as i dun wan any of the gals to get hurt.

SUXK RIGHT ??

[Nicying]

I think actually in truth honesty that you want B instead.
You said the both of you shared many interests, she's understanding, able to relieve you of pressure by asking you about your day etc.
Both of you have been together for 3 yrs already right? And it's still the same from day 1?

For a human being, i think it's pretty tough to get into a marriage with someone you don't really have feelings about. It will be torture in future.
Imagine going home, just polite conversations, routine sex. I bet not long after, you would be having another affair or affairs. (not that you are not having one now).

But it just won't be fair for A. I think she deserve better also. Rather than getting into a marriage that the husband won't be faithful, might as well try to find one who think she's wonderful and amazing in everyway.

I'm not asking you who to choose really, just that when it comes to feelings, most human follows the easiest and sensible road than the one their heart pave, as honestly, who's not afraid of being hurt? Thus the sentence pple love to say "Be love is better than to love"

By telling your r/s with B to A willingly just like that, can see that you are not afraid to hurt her at all... If you love someone, you rather lie than say the truth to hurt her, which you have already decided to do so (lie to B about the truth) if you wanted to break up with B. So, what's there to decide? Obviously you love B so much more.

Perhaps you should write down on a piece of paper about the pros and cons of each and another list on paper, writing who you are most comfortable with, happier with, can see urself 20 yrs down the with etc etc. It might help you think better.

There are many cases like this in US, pple are more willing to cancel their wedding also, might be becoz easier to move to another state to avoid hostility from others. And seeing as SG is such a confined place to live in, it really is tough to avoid, but hey, if B is really such a nice gal like you said, then i bet she will be willing to carry all the bundles and share thru thick and thin with you.

But if you are choosing B, she ought to know the truth too. Becoz she need to face everything with you in future.
Don't be afraid of accusations from relatives or frens, if you are sure that B will overcome every pressures with you in future, then they will learn to accept your decisions in future. Becoz they will realise sooner or later, that B really can make you happy and whole.

It might be unfair to A, i mean as a gal myself, i would be very heartbroken after giving 10 yrs of my life to you, and nothing come out of it, but unfaithfulness, dishonesty etc. But rather than lead her on and end in divorce, might as well give her the freedom to choose a guy she really wants.

[Sha_Gua75]

"Advice" is a non countable noun, you do not add an "s" to make it plural.

:eek:

do you have another nick? AdviseorAdvice ????

[giggz83]

bro ...

don't know to be envy of you anot, but what you're facing is .. grade A "LAN TAO HUA".

she might give you the most mind-blowing sex in the world, she can sextisfied you to the max.

But at the end of the day, some one will have to share burden with you, laugh with you, talk to you, care for you, cry with you and be there for you.

im not saying she won't .. but judging from it, well, its still subjective.

Life is like a cycle or a ladder rather .. one day, we will step down from this ladder .. how we go up .. we will go down exactly the same. But the fortunate thing is .. other than parents .. there is that someone who will be more special this time.

all i mean is .. at the end of the day, we will grow old and die. but at least there's someone .. who will be there for us. And sextisfying cannot last forever ..

at some point of time, we have to make some serious choice .. and this would prob be one of them. Well, there is not many .. actually.

choose wisely .. or you might live to be a lonely man.

life is always fair .. some one have and some don't .. its a zero sum game.

sad to say, now .. you have and i don't ... so bro, i hope we will one day be on the same loving side.. and not me being loved and you regretting.

just my 2 cents. :)

[hallehluya]

i think you should be sticking it out with whoever you are happier with, not only for sex though. ability to communicate with each other is also very important as you will not have sex so much when you're 80. ;p

judging from what B has told you about going out with another guy, i dont really know how to react. but if she can do it once she might be able to do it another time.

just how i feel

[candidfan]

Marry the one that understands that it's in your genes to want to have sex with every woman who catch's your eye. A is your Empress, B & anyone else u fancy can only be your Concubine? Just Remember, there r no rules, you set the rules.
Think of the possiblity that both A & B want to be with u & r willing to stay together with you? If gays & lesbians can stay together, how impossible can it be for a guy to stay with 2 girls?:rolleyes:

[5stars]

I tell you no matter how pretty your wife is or how good she is in bed or even how nice the things she say to you now, if you guys don't match in terms of communication, understanding, interest etc no matter how exciting the relationship is and how good sex is now will turn sour eventually. Then the gal will not give you good time in bed, so only nice to see but cannot do nothing. Thats what I am experiencing right now, wife shit lovely also no use. Then if this happen, and some guy might come around and cheong her, give her good and nice feeling, presents etc and since she is having a lousy time with you, she might even let the guy bonk her. Think about it with your top head -___- dun think with your other head hor.. my 2 cents worth advice but its true...

Very true indeed. It is really hard to comprehend a girl's thinking.

[wets]

I met A, back in school. Overtime, we became a couple. After close to 10 years, we decided to tie the knot. Everything is normal, nothing spectacular or fantastic. That was also after settling a lot of problems.

Over the same period when I was having a lot of problems with A, I met B, 5 years young, and we got physical after sometime. It was intended to be a fling but I simply cant let go of B as she is the best bed partner that I had. She knows exactly what to do and when, we are so connected in bed. We have almost the same expectation in life. The best of it is that she leaves me alone and wait for me to call her. All this time, she treated me as a bf and waiting for the next stage in a relationship.

I have never posted before, but i just want to share my own personal experience which happened a few years ago.

At that time, I have been together with my gf, A (now wife), for 7 years. Everything is also normal, nothing spectacular or fantastic. Like u, I met B, but 6 years younger than me, and we got physical after sometime. It was intended to be a fling but I simply cant let go of B as she is the best bed partner that I had. She knows exactly what to do and when, we are so connected in bed. We have almost the same expectation in life and everything. The best of it is that she leaves me alone. All the time, she treated me as an underground bf without knowing what is the next stage in the relationship.

I got a flat and ROMed with A during that time with B approval. However, B left me after together for 3 emotional years for a guy who she knew for only a few weeks.

Maybe to share with you my current situation, I am married with A, she has also boure me with beautiful kids. I also have a 5 rm flat, car, maid, stable job, some spare cash, almost debt free except for the flat. To outsiders, I am consider 'xinfu' without much worry.

But am I happy? honestly, i dont know. my relationship with wife is so stable without comon interest..... life is like a straight line to me..

that's the life to expect if u choose A.

if given a choice again. who will i choose? ????????//

[wets]

I met A, back in school. Overtime, we became a couple. After close to 10 years, we decided to tie the knot. Everything is normal, nothing spectacular or fantastic. That was also after settling a lot of problems.

Over the same period when I was having a lot of problems with A, I met B, 5 years young, and we got physical after sometime. It was intended to be a fling but I simply cant let go of B as she is the best bed partner that I had. She knows exactly what to do and when, we are so connected in bed. We have almost the same expectation in life. The best of it is that she leaves me alone and wait for me to call her. All this time, she treated me as a bf and waiting for the next stage in a relationship.

I have never posted before, but i just want to share my own personal experience which happened a few years ago.

At that time, I have been together with my gf, A (now wife), for 7 years. Everything is also normal, nothing spectacular or fantastic. Like u, I met B, but 6 years younger than me, and we got physical after sometime. It was intended to be a fling but I simply cant let go of B as she is the best bed partner that I had. She knows exactly what to do and when, we are so connected in bed. We have almost the same expectation in life and everything. The best of it is that she leaves me alone. All the time, she treated me as an underground bf without knowing what is the next stage in the relationship.

I got a flat and ROMed with A during that time with B approval. However, B left me after together for 3 emotional years for a guy who she knew for only a few weeks.

Maybe to share with you my current situation, I am married with A, she has also boure me with beautiful kids. I also have a 5 rm flat, car, maid, stable job, some spare cash, almost debt free except for the flat. To outsiders, I am consider 'xinfu' without much worry.

But am I happy? honestly, i dont know. my relationship with wife is so stable without comon interest..... life is like a straight line to me..

that's the life to expect if u choose A.

if given a choice again. who will i choose? B????????

[SiberianTiger]

after readg thru yr post, i wld say go w yr heart. it takes alot courage to loved someone & in return being loved by the same person.

it is true, those who believe "it is better to be loved than doing the loving" are chickens.

if u hv to break someone's heart, it is better to do it now than living the rest of yr life in misery.

if not, yr heart will turn zombie & u will find no meaning in life.

[3dee]

Life is like a cycle or a ladder rather .. one day, we will step down from this ladder .. how we go up .. we will go down exactly the same. But the fortunate thing is .. other than parents .. there is that someone who will be more special this time.

all i mean is .. at the end of the day, we will grow old and die. but at least there's someone .. who will be there for us. And sextisfying cannot last forever ..

just my 2 cents.


totally agreed with you bro!

your 2 cents is very wise and worth listening. :)

[SBFextra]

totally agreed with you bro!

your 2 cents is very wise and worth listening. :)

Yep, wife is not all about sextisfying, there are more things like SBF (couldnt help it), sori jokes aside, like kids upbringing, doing things with wife, etc ....

[KeithSong]

I seldom post,but..here's my share.

Title : Love and Marriage


A student asked a teacher. "What is love ?"

The teacher said, "In order to answer your question. Go to the padi field and choose the biggest padi and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the field, go through the first row and saw one big padi stalk, but he wondered....maybe there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one... but thought may be there is a even bigger one waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the padi field, he start to realise that the padi was not as big as the previous one he saw, he knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted !!!! So, he went back to the teacher with empty hands.

The teacher told him, "...this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when you realised later, you have already missed the person...."

"What is marriage then ?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "In order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went to the corn field. This time he was careful not to repeat the previous mistake. When he reached the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he felt satisfied, and come back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you got.... this is marriage."

[giggz83]

bro keithsong, i like your story .. hope to buy the copyright with my humble 4pts. :D

Anyway, i think greed and lust is the downfall of men.. throughout these years and history .. great wars have been fought b'cos of women .. men died and fight b'cos of women.

I seriously think that going by feelings is a big No No, sometimes.. like one bro quote, big head contains brain, while small head contains blood. Think with our brains .. not blood, you can't control blood boil .. can you?

Though we might use feelings to choose our partners, but look .. if obviously one is a demure and faithful type while the other is a hot, sexy and irresistible chick, i mean .. using brains, isn't the answer obvious?

of cos .. to be fair to demure n faithful plump chicks ..

Everyone is greedy n lusty .. who don't wanna have a hot and sexy wife who is fantastic in bed .. but how many bros here have? or rather people in this world? life is fair .. because some have .. some don't have.

How long to wait? no one knows .. probably the guy above knows. My humble suggestion is: If this girl comes along .. and passed your benchmark .. and she's into you .. then just go!!

seriously .. we don't have much time ... if we're 25 now.. how many 3yr relationship can you go into? don't you have priority in your life, such as career ? how much time do you have to waste ... not very much, i think.

There's a thin fine line between love n lust. Loving this girl b'cos of lust is not a wise choice .. love is way beyond lust. What if one day she's disfigured or her exterior beauty can't withstand aging? *touch wood* .. there goes lust ..

maybe we can ask ourselves .. do i like this girl because i kinda like her and i see a future with her .. and not i want her in my bed tonight.

I mean .. hey .. you and i know and every men knows that our pleasure time is short .. after we cum, that's it! end!! and we don't really give a damn to that girl anymore.. untill our sexual drive is replenish.

and the everyday eat chicken rice fact .... everyday the same cunt. Even if she's a supermodel. And when she's a supermodel probably you're some rich dude.

This is big head vs small head. its facts.

This is one tough choice in life .. and we as men, would have to make. Girls choose us .. and we make choices.

Hence, i hope and wish all bros here would have a happy love life, either now .. or eventually.

Cheers~

[tomvoyeur]

Free economy structure is the prevailing economic model nowadays coz it works better....(just look at China's growth after switching from command economy to free mkt economy) The underlying assupmtion of this model vis-a-vis command economic model is that people know themselves best - No-one knows u better than urself.....Take ur time to make ur decision rationally, u will get what u want eventually....All the best! :)

[hoho99]

Imagine this:
If both Girl A & Girl B call you at the same time, and ask you to attend to them - who will you attend to?

Also, a faithful, caring & understanding wife is the most important, and not how 2 of you perform or enjoy on the bed. Of course, sexual element is important, but not the deciding factor.

Hmmm i would like to add another question to the treadstarter,

imagine your involved in some freak accident, who would be the first person you hope to see come to your rescue? i guess its always better to spend your lifetime with someone you can depend/trust.

[decadentboy]

Guys,

I am not sure if the concern here is thinking about dick or brain. The thing now is that I cannot make up my mind. After a few comments from friends, the one that went smack at my face was this:

"Do you remember why you proposed? If you do not, then you are not working towards it. Question is do you want to work towards it?"

I have no idea. But I am definitely not using brain now as any decision made is still very much emotional. I am considering if that is the best thing to do, going with emotions. If yes, then the wedding is off. Rather frustrated about the whole situation now.

I brought B out today, wanted to tell her the truth. It turn out that I cannot do that. In the end, we went for dinner, movie, fortune telling, shopping. Except for the fact that fortune teller saying that our signs have a lot of problems, either we make it thru this year and stay forever or we do not, it was quite a nice evening and she was smiling. Her smile was happy enough for me for the day. In the end, I did not say anything which I set out to do. No sex for the day.

Is that still and dick issue? I think it is more of what to do now. A? B? Sigh....

**PS: B just called and asked if can go overseas together just to relax. Can go dutch on the trip. (wow) no idea how to answer. This is so going to expedite the resolution.

[decadentboy]

[QUOTE=Nicying;2225580]I think actually in truth honesty that you want B instead.
You said the both of you shared many interests, she's understanding, able to relieve you of pressure by asking you about your day etc.
Both of you have been together for 3 yrs already right? And it's still the same from day 1?

For a human being, i think it's pretty tough to get into a marriage with someone you don't really have feelings about. It will be torture in future.
Imagine going home, just polite conversations, routine sex. I bet not long after, you would be having another affair or affairs. (not that you are not having one now)...................

QUOTE]

In response. I think sex is always better with B. With A is not about routine. It is more comfortable not doing it at all. With B, it is just the urge to do it every other moment. I hope the issue is more than just sex. Anyway, I had the same thought that B should know about it. Just no idea and no courage to tell her.

[Deztruct]

actually..please pardon me..i dun really see the bad pt in having a routine life..maybe i been thru such a rollercoaster ride in my life tat i actually yearning for a routine life..u noe after work..juz go back hm..hv dinner with wife..after tat watch tv and then go sleep...

but then again..maybe grass is always greener on the other side..coz i am on the other side of the fence now..i neva appreciate how is it like to have a more exciting life :D

[janejane82]

All this time, she treated me as a bf and waiting for the next stage in a relationship.

After 3 years, this relationship without explicit commitment, B treated me more like a hubby, checking to see if I have problems and give supporting statements once in a while. She came to me the other day saying that her parents are asking me back to their place for dinner and that we should move on to marriage plans as she wants to have all her babies before 30. I have met the parents before but never as a bf. I was at a lost for words.


Has it ever occurred to u y her parents r rushing for marriage when ur status is jus a normal guy friend?

If her parents have the idea dat B and u shld move onto marriage, obviously they have the idea dat u were her BF although all the while u thought u only met the parents as B's normal guy friend.

Or behind closed doors, under grilling n pressure, B tell her parents dat she takes u as her BF.

Another scenario could b B's parents has never ever met any of B's guy friend and u were the only one they came into contact with thats why they ASSUME dat u r B's BF

[Nicying]

[QUOTE=Nicying;2225580]I think actually in truth honesty that you want B instead.
You said the both of you shared many interests, she's understanding, able to relieve you of pressure by asking you about your day etc.
Both of you have been together for 3 yrs already right? And it's still the same from day 1?

For a human being, i think it's pretty tough to get into a marriage with someone you don't really have feelings about. It will be torture in future.
Imagine going home, just polite conversations, routine sex. I bet not long after, you would be having another affair or affairs. (not that you are not having one now)...................

QUOTE]

In response. I think sex is always better with B. With A is not about routine. It is more comfortable not doing it at all. With B, it is just the urge to do it every other moment. I hope the issue is more than just sex. Anyway, I had the same thought that B should know about it. Just no idea and no courage to tell her.

Geez.. you yourself even think it's more comfortable not doing it with A..
If my husband-to-be like that, seriously, i won't even want to get married to him le.
I think you need some time off to think it through. Not contacting both ladies. But needless to say, you will think of B more..

But actually different pple prefer different things.
Some would ask you to follow your heart, some would ask you to choose a gal who's able to let you have flings.

But i rather prefer you to find your own soul mate. Someone whom you won't want to hurt, coz hurting her would hurt you even more. Coz that is love.

[Nicying]

Has it ever occurred to u y her parents r rushing for marriage when ur status is jus a normal guy friend?

If her parents have the idea dat B and u shld move onto marriage, obviously they have the idea dat u were her BF although all the while u thought u only met the parents as B's normal guy friend.

Or behind closed doors, under grilling n pressure, B tell her parents dat she takes u as her BF.

Another scenario could b B's parents has never ever met any of B's guy friend and u were the only one they came into contact with thats why they ASSUME dat u r B's BF

A bit irrelevant to his situation now, isn't it?
Though she's a third party, in the eyes of all her frens or parents, he is indeed a bf. They are indeed in a r/s.

[decadentboy]

[QUOTE=decadentboy;2230203]

Geez.. you yourself even think it's more comfortable not doing it with A..
If my husband-to-be like that, seriously, i won't even want to get married to him le.
I think you need some time off to think it through. Not contacting both ladies. But needless to say, you will think of B more..

But actually different pple prefer different things.
Some would ask you to follow your heart, some would ask you to choose a gal who's able to let you have flings.

But i rather prefer you to find your own soul mate. Someone whom you won't want to hurt, coz hurting her would hurt you even more. Coz that is love.

I have no idea which of the two I cant hurt more. It be coming back to me. I met A this morning and she said that I am a self centered guy, very selfish. She pass me back the engagement ring which I gave. I shove in back to her. At the very moment after she took it, I had the though, "oh shit", how do I handle B? The whole morning when I was with her, we were talking about other stuff other than this relationship and where it is going to. No exactly smiling conversations. More of finding things to talk. So when she finally pass me the ring at the end of the day, it was like more of a build up of the day.

I wonder if you would tell me who I did not want to hurt more?

I came to realisation over these series of events that love really needs courage..........................

[janejane82]

.... in the eyes of all her frens or parents, he is indeed a bf. They are indeed in a r/s.

precisely, dats wat i'm saying ...