randyrockhard
06-01-2017, 11:28 PM
Original article here (http://www.gq.com/story/drama-free-tinder-threesome) from GQ Magazine January 2017 Edition
by Sophie Saint Thomas
Threesomes are fun. Everyone should try them at least once. Thanks to Tinder, you can search for a third while eating nachos from your couch. The hookup app is swarming with horny couples looking to fuck a woman together. But couple profiles can be creepy (“I just have too much dick for my girlfriend to handle on her own”) so follow these 9 rules and you’ll be golden. Swipe on, pervs.
Break out the couple selfies
People deserve to see who they’re potentially fucking. If that means the both of you, include couple photos as well as some solo shots of each of you. As we advocated with disclosing height, include in your bio that you’re a couple interested in a threesome, or if you want to be more poly-friendly, “we’re a couple looking to meet women to date together.” This is mandatory.
Support gender equality and both make an account
There’s competing wisdom on if a couple’s profile should be made by the male or female (although thanks to the rollout of new gender options, you’re not limited to the binary). My friend Tom, who has had a whopping ten Tinder threesomes, says: “I've had the most luck, most of the matches Chelsei gets are females looking strictly for other females.” Even if Tom’s advice is sage, I advocate for both partners making an account. Tinder is addictive. Regardless of the swiper’s intentions (actually searching for a third, or going rogue), giving one of you the freedom to swipe madly on your own time can create tension between you and your partner if one of you feels like the passive participant. Creating two accounts lowers the risks of such trouble brewing.
Seriously, actually read your hot match's bio
Tinder is our generation’s Tetris, and plenty play by swiping right on everyone and then going back and wading through matches. Chances are you’ll match with someone whose bio explicitly states: “No couples,” or the cruder “I don’t want to fuck you and your ugly ass girlfriend,” so even if you’ve done due diligence and included couple photos and an honest bio, read your matches’ win case they haven’t closely eyed yours.
Swipe together (it’s sexy!)
One of my fondest memories is sitting at a Bernie Sanders rally in Queens, with my current partner, swiping together to see what Bernie babes may be interested in grabbing ramen with us after Sanders finished speaking. We didn’t meet anyone, but it was a fun way to kill time until Sanders hit the stage. Swiping together is inclusive, and also a great form of foreplay. Even though later we dined on ramen just the two of us, when we returned home we had the best butt sex of my life, so shout out to all the hotties also on Tinder at the rally for turning us on.
Never, ever be pushy
While swiping for a third, my partner and I experienced an “only in New York” holy fuck moment: We matched with a professional ballerina, and she went out on a date with us. It was a pretty perfect date, except she politely declined coming home with us, and eventually ghosted. It was a bummer, but we had to respect it. As with monogamous dating, don’t be pushy. The same rules apply during the messaging stage.
Before you add a third, make sure things are stable with bae
My first foray into unicorn hunting on Tinder was with an ex-boyfriend as our relationship was on the outs. In retrospect, agreeing that I could create a Tinder profile to prowl for female sexual partners was a final hour hope that hot group sex would reunite us, not an empowered decision. I matched with a woman so hot and cool I thought she was a catfish. Guess what happened? The two of us slept together, briefly dated, and then became best friends. Dude and I broke up, and he never got to experience her. The lesson? Cruise Tinder to enhance the sex life of a healthy relationship, not as an attempt to save one. On the upside, searching for a threesome partner to save a relationship is totally less harmful than when couples have babies to save a marriage, but still: somebody’s going to get hurt. Classify as a no-no.
Discuss and set ground rules (tip: use it as dirty talk)
Sex can be messy, awkward, and confusing—a truth that multiplies the more people involved. While if you’re in a relationship you’re likely fucking safely, adding a third adds risks. Can you fuck her in the pussy, or stick with vaginal penetration with your girlfriend, and ask the third to stick to blowjobs? Such conversations aren’t always the sexiest—but they’re crucial. Such details should be worked out between the two of you before you go on a date, and if you’re scared to bring it up, try dirty talk. For instance, I might tell my boyfriend: “Yeah, it might make me jealous watching you fuck another girl, but it would be so hot to give you a double blow-job,” or, “I’d love to see you try anal with another woman, just thinking about it turns me on, so we’re going to have to stock up on lube and condoms.”
Then, after you’ve introduced the convo as dirty talk, circle back and discuss the details while clear-headed. Of course, should you obtain a date with a third they are going to have ground rules of their own, which need to be heard and respected equally as your own. It really depends on who is involved and how much wine has been poured, but I’d wait to work out the details between the three of you once in the privacy of your home, when sex looks like it’s absolutely going to happen, rather than bringing it up over appetizers like some job interview.
Communicate constantly, because things might get weird
Unless you and your partner have identical taste in women, and have a herd of sexual guardian angels following you, there’s a chance that one of you might connect better or feel more attraction to the third than the other. Tinder threesome dates can be awkward as hell. With aforementioned ballerina, her and my partner had far better chemistry than she and I had. I was still down to take her home (I’ve certainly had sex with people I’m less attracted to), but it was an odd experience, so we talked about it. While swiping (and, hopefully, dating) a third, maintain constant communication with your primary partner. When one of you says the threesome safe word (a.k.a., “I’m no longer comfortable with this”) you have to respect it. The relationship comes first.
Don’t be a creep
A friend of mine, who I’ll call Mary, recently went through the type of break-up that gets you on Klonopin, and she decided fucking couples would be a nice palate cleanser from the cruel pains of monogamy. She succeeded—met a chill and sexy couple on Tinder, had chill and sexy threesomes. But then the man ruined it. He began to hit her up without his girlfriend’s knowledge, pushing for secret sex between just the two of them. His duplicity ruined her memory of him as group sex god, capable of eating her pussy while his girlfriend sat on her face. (So hot, right?) Don’t do that. Respect the unicorn, and treat your primary partner with the dignity she deserves. After all, if she’s agreed to let you eat another woman’s pussy, she’s probably a keeper.
by Sophie Saint Thomas
Threesomes are fun. Everyone should try them at least once. Thanks to Tinder, you can search for a third while eating nachos from your couch. The hookup app is swarming with horny couples looking to fuck a woman together. But couple profiles can be creepy (“I just have too much dick for my girlfriend to handle on her own”) so follow these 9 rules and you’ll be golden. Swipe on, pervs.
Break out the couple selfies
People deserve to see who they’re potentially fucking. If that means the both of you, include couple photos as well as some solo shots of each of you. As we advocated with disclosing height, include in your bio that you’re a couple interested in a threesome, or if you want to be more poly-friendly, “we’re a couple looking to meet women to date together.” This is mandatory.
Support gender equality and both make an account
There’s competing wisdom on if a couple’s profile should be made by the male or female (although thanks to the rollout of new gender options, you’re not limited to the binary). My friend Tom, who has had a whopping ten Tinder threesomes, says: “I've had the most luck, most of the matches Chelsei gets are females looking strictly for other females.” Even if Tom’s advice is sage, I advocate for both partners making an account. Tinder is addictive. Regardless of the swiper’s intentions (actually searching for a third, or going rogue), giving one of you the freedom to swipe madly on your own time can create tension between you and your partner if one of you feels like the passive participant. Creating two accounts lowers the risks of such trouble brewing.
Seriously, actually read your hot match's bio
Tinder is our generation’s Tetris, and plenty play by swiping right on everyone and then going back and wading through matches. Chances are you’ll match with someone whose bio explicitly states: “No couples,” or the cruder “I don’t want to fuck you and your ugly ass girlfriend,” so even if you’ve done due diligence and included couple photos and an honest bio, read your matches’ win case they haven’t closely eyed yours.
Swipe together (it’s sexy!)
One of my fondest memories is sitting at a Bernie Sanders rally in Queens, with my current partner, swiping together to see what Bernie babes may be interested in grabbing ramen with us after Sanders finished speaking. We didn’t meet anyone, but it was a fun way to kill time until Sanders hit the stage. Swiping together is inclusive, and also a great form of foreplay. Even though later we dined on ramen just the two of us, when we returned home we had the best butt sex of my life, so shout out to all the hotties also on Tinder at the rally for turning us on.
Never, ever be pushy
While swiping for a third, my partner and I experienced an “only in New York” holy fuck moment: We matched with a professional ballerina, and she went out on a date with us. It was a pretty perfect date, except she politely declined coming home with us, and eventually ghosted. It was a bummer, but we had to respect it. As with monogamous dating, don’t be pushy. The same rules apply during the messaging stage.
Before you add a third, make sure things are stable with bae
My first foray into unicorn hunting on Tinder was with an ex-boyfriend as our relationship was on the outs. In retrospect, agreeing that I could create a Tinder profile to prowl for female sexual partners was a final hour hope that hot group sex would reunite us, not an empowered decision. I matched with a woman so hot and cool I thought she was a catfish. Guess what happened? The two of us slept together, briefly dated, and then became best friends. Dude and I broke up, and he never got to experience her. The lesson? Cruise Tinder to enhance the sex life of a healthy relationship, not as an attempt to save one. On the upside, searching for a threesome partner to save a relationship is totally less harmful than when couples have babies to save a marriage, but still: somebody’s going to get hurt. Classify as a no-no.
Discuss and set ground rules (tip: use it as dirty talk)
Sex can be messy, awkward, and confusing—a truth that multiplies the more people involved. While if you’re in a relationship you’re likely fucking safely, adding a third adds risks. Can you fuck her in the pussy, or stick with vaginal penetration with your girlfriend, and ask the third to stick to blowjobs? Such conversations aren’t always the sexiest—but they’re crucial. Such details should be worked out between the two of you before you go on a date, and if you’re scared to bring it up, try dirty talk. For instance, I might tell my boyfriend: “Yeah, it might make me jealous watching you fuck another girl, but it would be so hot to give you a double blow-job,” or, “I’d love to see you try anal with another woman, just thinking about it turns me on, so we’re going to have to stock up on lube and condoms.”
Then, after you’ve introduced the convo as dirty talk, circle back and discuss the details while clear-headed. Of course, should you obtain a date with a third they are going to have ground rules of their own, which need to be heard and respected equally as your own. It really depends on who is involved and how much wine has been poured, but I’d wait to work out the details between the three of you once in the privacy of your home, when sex looks like it’s absolutely going to happen, rather than bringing it up over appetizers like some job interview.
Communicate constantly, because things might get weird
Unless you and your partner have identical taste in women, and have a herd of sexual guardian angels following you, there’s a chance that one of you might connect better or feel more attraction to the third than the other. Tinder threesome dates can be awkward as hell. With aforementioned ballerina, her and my partner had far better chemistry than she and I had. I was still down to take her home (I’ve certainly had sex with people I’m less attracted to), but it was an odd experience, so we talked about it. While swiping (and, hopefully, dating) a third, maintain constant communication with your primary partner. When one of you says the threesome safe word (a.k.a., “I’m no longer comfortable with this”) you have to respect it. The relationship comes first.
Don’t be a creep
A friend of mine, who I’ll call Mary, recently went through the type of break-up that gets you on Klonopin, and she decided fucking couples would be a nice palate cleanser from the cruel pains of monogamy. She succeeded—met a chill and sexy couple on Tinder, had chill and sexy threesomes. But then the man ruined it. He began to hit her up without his girlfriend’s knowledge, pushing for secret sex between just the two of them. His duplicity ruined her memory of him as group sex god, capable of eating her pussy while his girlfriend sat on her face. (So hot, right?) Don’t do that. Respect the unicorn, and treat your primary partner with the dignity she deserves. After all, if she’s agreed to let you eat another woman’s pussy, she’s probably a keeper.