wat happens if u noe ur wife to be......

[no_faith]

letz say u love her, she love u, she is normal sg gal. mths or yrs both build up
the relationship, so both of u deicided to get marry. wedding gown chosen, wedding dinner venue chosen, relatives, friends are informed.

one day, u have overheard ur frenz talking abt her, you heard tat she once played drugs wif guys n kana 'bai' before, do all dirty shit wif the guys, also been to abortion b4 more den once. you nvr heard frm her at all. i noe nobody is perfect, we guys also go cheong too.

now, wat is ur reaction? wat will you do?
pretend nothing happen?
confront her?
cancel the marriage?
or any other comments?

[mike2006]

Wah, this is like "ren jian bei ju" - tragedy. What to do, if love the woman have to accept her whether she hides or not. If there's no law, will go castrate, then kill all who bai her loti. Like that will feel much much better.

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

if u loved her enough to be able to tolerate her past,y not?anyway who doesn't have a past.however if u can't live with that fact,then too bad have to call if off.just my 2 cents.

[Exciter101]

The past is in the past, live for the future...
It is not easy to find someone u love.....
Forgive and forget.

[asdfghjkl]

ask her for the truth.. :o

[Ed Powers]

bro, yesterday i happen to see indecent proposal with my wife. though not same senario but dun do things that u regret later cos u gotta live with it. But u love her enuf, strong enuf to forgive n forget, all the more u shud go ahead with the wedding since so advance stage of preparation. all the best ya.

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

The past is in the past, live for the future...
It is not easy to find someone u love.....
Forgive and forget.

i complete with u totally.true love dont come by easier nowadays if u feel it's true.never live in the past as it's over and look forward to the future which is what really matters.

[dennis88888]

you and me not a saint who dun makes mistake even saint makes mistakes love him or her of what it is now:)

[humpcheepang]

Bro No Faith, pls have some faith with your wife to be. You know you love each other strongly and trust her that she can be made into a good wife and a mother to be ya.......all the best.

HAVE FAITH......

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

HAVE FAITH......

ur signature is interesting bro,very funny.:)

[EricssonMan]

What's past is past

[nuclearkid]

You have to really ask yourself if you can live with the truth. This has to be thought long and hard and if you feel you are able to handle it, then make sure you never bring this matter up in times of difficulty in future. Dragging out past matters is a rather low blow and very ungracious.

[Rexell]

The way you write this thread already shows your mindset. If you didn't mind at all, then would you be interested to start this thread?

I think you are unsure whether you can accept her past or whether she might one day do it without your knowledge. If that's the case, then I think you should forget about marrying her.

If you insist on marrying her when you are unsure that you can 100% accept what she had done, then you should be prepared for an unhappy marriage. Unhappy marriages normally end with the guy at the losing end.

Of course you can choose to marry her. But it will only be wise if you can accept what she did. I think you should have a talk with her. See how she react before you decide.

[Rexell]

The way you write this thread already shows your mindset. If you didn't mind at all, then would you be interested to start this thread?

I think you are unsure whether you can accept her past or whether she might one day do it without your knowledge. If that's the case, then I think you should forget about marrying her.

If you insist on marrying her when you are unsure that you can 100% accept what she had done, then you should be prepared for an unhappy marriage. Unhappy marriages normally end with the guy at the losing end.

Of course you can choose to marry her. But it will only be wise if you can accept what she did. I think you should have a talk with her. See how she reacts before you decide.

Sorry for double posting.

[mike3329]

Marriage should be a life-long commitment built on love and trust. If it is shadowed even before it begins by lack of trust, why risk the pain of a separation, for both parties sometime down the road? By then it may be complicated further if there are kiddies involved as well.

It is easy to say forgive and forget but not that easy to do.......

Yes, arrangements are all in hand and it will not be easy to call off. Nevertheless, the short-term pain is nothing compared to the long term agony of living hell........

In the final analysis, it is obviously up to the individuals involved. Decide and live with the decision! Good luck

[*FiReWoRkS*]

i think it's better to talk things through clearly with her..if not this matter will keep on haunting you and it won't be good for the relationship in the long term either..

[buzzing]

brother..

dont live on rumours, if this issue will determine the future of ur lives together. Then confront her.. i meant sit down with her to talk about it.. heart to heart talk, but u must be prepared for the truth.

If yes: will u leave her? only a question that only u can decide. but like what most brothers say, who dont have past. most girls if not all, have a past too... past bf, bfs.. being bad.. drugs? depends on wat type ya.. (caffine is also a type of drugs)..

If No, U MUST TRUST HER!!! if there is not trust in the relationship, then it is doomed from day one. and remember dont look back, end the issue and rumour there..

enough said.. whether is a happy marriage or not.. is something both of u work hard to achieve.. that is the call future..

today i quite chim for myself too.. :)

[hoho99]

I hope the scenario mention by the treadstarter has not happened to him. If the girl does not open up abt her past to her love, it could mean a few things. i.e. she don’t trust the guy to stick wif her enough(no good in relationship if trust is not strong), or she does not even trust herself enough(Worse as she might feel guilty all her life), or worse still she can’t be borthered(could means she does not love him enough).

Before I start my relationship with my Gf, I let her know in advance abt my cheonging outside. She also let me knows abt her past and tell me that we should be together only if we manage to come to terms what we did in the past. 3 years down the road the past never ever come into the picture should we have any fight. The past has no hold over us anymore (the only sad thing is my balls shrink and I dare not cheong anymore).

Wat I would suggest is to verify abt what you hear with your gf as it might turn out to be just a rumor. Even if it s true, 2 persons supporting each other is better than 1 having to bear wif it all alone.

Just my humble views

[best123]

dun ask what she does not tell... and you will not be asked what you do not tell.....sincerely this is my mode operandi...

[Devil73]

The past is in the past, live for the future...
It is not easy to find someone u love.....
Forgive and forget.

Hi Bro,

Yes! Strongly agree!:D

[viewsonic]

This is tough....

To forgive someone is easy but it's not easy to forgotton someone past....:(

[no_faith]

firstly, appreciate bros wif all their views and comments, thks

secondly, i apologized if there is misunderstanding in the msg coz i din mentioned is me and hope it will not happen to me

thirdly, y i come up wif this coz i noe of tis happen ard me and also my so called gal fren is like this, i wonder wat will we guys react?

lastly, say is always easier den done. wat if suay suay happen to one of us and itz not rumours, can u really forgive and forget? wat we comment now might not based tat u have experienced this scenrio before, so we might take it easy. but if one of us truely been thru tis before, he might change his comments.

i noe find sum1 u deeply love is not easy but i can say to totally erase tis in ur mind is also not easy. man ego, juz like u wan make love wif her but she keep on restrict u tis and tat, wun this scenerio surface in ur mind saying "wu hia bo, she last time kana play out can, now i touch her a bit, she grumble and rejecting me"
tis juz my personal views n wat i noe ard me....always prepare to expect the unexpected

[mocha33]

bro, guess wat most bros have said here .. since both of u love each other liao, no point looking bac wards. should treasure about now and the future. anyway, if she knows some of ur pasts, she might think another way .. so rather keep on thinking about wats in the past, y not treasure someone beside u now... everyone makes mistake... we must learnt how to forgive and forgets..... cheers!!

[no_faith]

tis story happens to me, it might not same as this secnerio but sumhow related,
in bmt days, my budday has a galfren, me too. once he had quarrel wif this gal n he cant slp very well almost every nite. after wks of dragging, finally dey break off. he became very lost and not cheerul he used to be. so i console him, saying there r better gals out there, u will find another one. he replied saying is not u, u dunno how pain it is.
so we posted out n i lost contact wif him...i n my gal still happliy ever after but one day, she told me she found another guy n wanted to end our 7 yrs relationship, at tat time, i really noe how my buddy feel abt the pain

i juz wish to point out tat wat a person comment wifout or wif d experience is different.......

(ttz where my nick come from:D)

[no_faith]

tis story happens to me, it might not same as this secnerio but sumhow related,
in bmt days, my budday has a galfren, me too. once he had quarrel wif this gal n he cant slp very well almost every nite. after wks of dragging, finally dey break off. he became very lost and not cheerul he used to be. so i console him, saying there r better gals out there, u will find another one. he replied saying is not u, u dunno how pain it is.
so we posted out n i lost contact wif him...i n my gal still happliy ever after but one day, she told me she found another guy n wanted to end our 7 yrs relationship, at tat time, i really noe how my buddy feel abt the pain

i juz wish to point out tat wat a person comment wifout or wif d experience is different.......

(ttz where my nick come from:D)

[no_faith]

lol, slow connection, dbl post, sry

[Devil73]

For my view of it, Gals & Guys are all the same lah...don't tell me guys can go for pay sex & ONS. Gals also did the same things as guys doing. If you really in love on this gal why not accept her passed? We also got our passed too. Tio bo? :)

[David_Ginola]

if u loved her enough to be able to tolerate her past,y not?anyway who doesn't have a past.however if u can't live with that fact,then too bad have to call if off.just my 2 cents.

Hi bro same sentiment. Wat had happen so just be it. U love her as wat she is presently. Cos ppl do change. And ourself, we also need forgiveness from others too. No one is perfect though. IMHO.

Cheers

[AD69]

It all boils down to 1 point......if you can accept her past, that good for you.

If you cannot accept her past, then don't carry on. Your future will be very miserable if you are the type that is very "disturb" by her past when you keep pondering over her past.

[bunnyrabbit]

IMHO, well who have no wrongs right?? everybody does something stupid once in their life. The thing is, if you are no saint, dun expect her to be a saint too..

what matters now is that she really wants to change, and if the guy she trusts most with her future with dun stand by her and believe the rumors, i guess it's rather sad right??

for a gal to really agree to be your wife, she must really have the utmost trust and respect in you that she will be taken care of and be respected after marriage (this is wat my gal say lah). so they may be naggy, be a control freak all that, but in their heart, you are still the one they loves..

but of course as a guy, i think its very difficult to accept someone who gone for abortions, but still have to make clear is whether the guy dun want her after knowing the pregnancy or she ONS then kanna 1 lah...jux my feelings..

[curiosityz]

It all boils down to 1 point......if you can accept her past, that good for you.

If you cannot accept her past, then don't carry on. Your future will be very miserable if you are the type that is very "disturb" by her past when you keep pondering over her past.

bro, i totally agree with you but hope she would come clean with me without me asking or anything...

[Disgusted]

I got 2 points actually, Firstly I agree with most bros that the past is the past, you don't have to be bothered about that. However, I have a huge issue with honesty, and the fact that the woman I'm about to marry hides things about herself from me, means that I can't trust her, I will not marry her because she is not honest with me, rather than her wild young days. Honesty and Communication are the keys to a good marriage, always remember to use your heads before tying the knot, yes headS, the small one matters too....:D

[youallsonice?]

letz say u love her, she love u, she is normal sg gal. mths or yrs both build up
the relationship, so both of u deicided to get marry. wedding gown chosen, wedding dinner venue chosen, relatives, friends are informed.

one day, u have overheard ur frenz talking abt her, you heard tat she once played drugs wif guys n kana 'bai' before, do all dirty shit wif the guys, also been to abortion b4 more den once. you nvr heard frm her at all. i noe nobody is perfect, we guys also go cheong too.

now, wat is ur reaction? wat will you do?
pretend nothing happen?
confront her?
cancel the marriage?
or any other comments?

Come on man, give her one really solid good FCUK!! Do anal with her, force/bluff her to do all those stuffs she did b4, if not u lugi ah! CIM her, fcuk her anytime, all the time you can! Just give her a GOOD ONE!! BUT DONT MARRY HER!!! DONT BE STUPID!!! Just FUCK AND FORGET!! NEVER FORGIVE!!

[covenn]

tis story happens to me, it might not same as this secnerio but sumhow related,
in bmt days, my budday has a galfren, me too. once he had quarrel wif this gal n he cant slp very well almost every nite. after wks of dragging, finally dey break off. he became very lost and not cheerul he used to be. so i console him, saying there r better gals out there, u will find another one. he replied saying is not u, u dunno how pain it is.
so we posted out n i lost contact wif him...i n my gal still happliy ever after but one day, she told me she found another guy n wanted to end our 7 yrs relationship, at tat time, i really noe how my buddy feel abt the pain

i juz wish to point out tat wat a person comment wifout or wif d experience is different.......

(ttz where my nick come from:D)

bro i totally agree with u. u gotta be in it to know exactly hw it feels. which is y i've neva asked for any advices b4. come to terms with urself, follow ur hunch. last but not least, dun lose faith.

[donalduck5]

Just contributing my 2 cents worth ...

1. Everybody got a past ... some not so colourful/sexciting than others ... and you cannot change the past ... Wht is important is the PRESENT ... you can choose how you want things to be in the present by doing it the way you want ... Live for the present, forget the past

2. Be open ... guys and gals are all equal ... As guys we cheong .. we fuck around (true, not all guys but to varying degrees - we chat up/flirt with other girls) we fantasise, we covet other guys GF/wife/mistress, we care for our own sexual needs more than our partner ... the point is if the guys can do these things, why do we expect our girls to be saints? Keep an open mind, believe me you will be thankful you have that!!

3. Be honest, talk to your girl ... open up and share your past/your present thinking ... decide what to do from NOW and work on keeping the relationship going ... No one know what is the FUTURE but we just work to keep the relationship going and hope it last forever!!

4. All long-term relationship needs 2 parties to work to keep going ... there is always up and down; good times and bad times ...

Brother, I wish you all the best in your communication with your girl and if you both decide to work things out - GOOD LUCK!!!!

[no_faith]

Come on man, give her one really solid good FCUK!! Do anal with her, force/bluff her to do all those stuffs she did b4, if not u lugi ah! CIM her, fcuk her anytime, all the time you can! Just give her a GOOD ONE!! BUT DONT MARRY HER!!! DONT BE STUPID!!! Just FUCK AND FORGET!! NEVER FORGIVE!!

cool bro, saw the caps in d sentence, but i agreed wif u coz i dun tink i will be so noble tt i will leave her alone

[no_faith]

Come on man, give her one really solid good FCUK!! Do anal with her, force/bluff her to do all those stuffs she did b4, if not u lugi ah! CIM her, fcuk her anytime, all the time you can! Just give her a GOOD ONE!! BUT DONT MARRY HER!!! DONT BE STUPID!!! Just FUCK AND FORGET!! NEVER FORGIVE!!

cool bro, see ur caps in d sentences
i agreed wif u coz i dun tink i so noble enuff to leave her alone

wa liew, dbl posting again, sry

[Clit_LickeR]

What if she was 'mi jian' (drugged raped)?
Someone close to me kena before. :(
and her buey kan parents dare not report the cops.
for this case, i fully accept her for what she is.
what it matters is the future, not the past. no point holding on to the past. :)

Just my 2 cents.

[no_faith]

bro i totally agree with u. u gotta be in it to know exactly hw it feels. which is y i've neva asked for any advices b4. come to terms with urself, follow ur hunch. last but not least, dun lose faith.

yes but it really feel not gd to be in it, dun u agree? wat happens ard us might happen to us too, gonna be prepare to accept it
i agreed wif u, all bros out there, have faith in life.....;)

[asdfghjkl]

bro, yesterday i happen to see indecent proposal with my wife.

what is that? a movie? :o

[covenn]

what is that? a movie? :o

hahaha gd qn. wanted to ask but it slipped outta my mind.

[AD69]

but i agreed wif u coz i dun tink i will be so noble tt i will leave her aloneIf you have hatred for her then it is better to end your relationship with her quickly. No point dragging this relationship any further, all parties will get deeply hurt in the end.

one day, u have overheard ur frenz talking abt her, you heard tat she once played drugs wif guys n kana 'bai' before, do all dirty shit wif the guys, also been to abortion b4 more den once. you nvr heard frm her at all. i noe nobody is perfect, we guys also go cheong too.
Bro,

What is 'bai' ?

[dna_gene]

one day, u have overheard ur frenz talking abt her, you heard tat she once played drugs wif guys n kana 'bai' before, do all dirty shit wif the guys, also been to abortion b4 more den once. you nvr heard frm her at all. i noe nobody is perfect, we guys also go cheong too.

now, wat is ur reaction? wat will you do?
pretend nothing happen?
confront her?
cancel the marriage?
or any other comments?

Frankly speaking, it will be very difficult not to mind about that once you knew about it! One fine day when the heat is at the max, you will have high tendency to throw this at her! Try to talk to her and assure her that you already knew the truth but just want it from her personally so that life can move on. Discuss with her and decide whether can you let it go after she tells you all you need to know.

[dna_gene]

one day, u have overheard ur frenz talking abt her, you heard tat she once played drugs wif guys n kana 'bai' before, do all dirty shit wif the guys, also been to abortion b4 more den once. you nvr heard frm her at all. i noe nobody is perfect, we guys also go cheong too.

now, wat is ur reaction? wat will you do?
pretend nothing happen?
confront her?
cancel the marriage?
or any other comments?

Frankly speaking, it will be very difficult not to mind about that once you knew about it! One fine day when the heat is at the max, you will have high tendency to throw this at her! Try to talk to her and assure her that you already knew the truth but just want it from her personally so that life can move on. Discuss with her and decide whether can you let it go after she tells you all you need to know.

[dna_gene]

one day, u have overheard ur frenz talking abt her, you heard tat she once played drugs wif guys n kana 'bai' before, do all dirty shit wif the guys, also been to abortion b4 more den once. you nvr heard frm her at all. i noe nobody is perfect, we guys also go cheong too.

now, wat is ur reaction? wat will you do?
pretend nothing happen?
confront her?
cancel the marriage?
or any other comments?

Frankly speaking, it will be very difficult not to mind about that once you knew about it! One fine day when the heat is at the max, you will have high tendency to throw this at her! Try to talk to her and assure her that you already knew the truth but just want it from her personally so that life can move on. Discuss with her and decide whether can you let it go after she tells you all you need to know.

[deathsyct]

I think it wld b best 4 2 of u to sit down & talk things out.
If 2 r deeply in love, they wont hide anything frm each other cos they know e opposite will accept em.

and yes every1 has a past b it gd or bad. ppl make mistakes.
but den again, guys r always egoistic creature. we always wan e very truth frm e opposite but havin known e truth will make us keep thinkin abt e past den start to imagine alot of things.
and so gals dunno whether to tell us e truth or nt cos telling us e truth they scare we will keep thinking abt e past & imagine alot of things. but if they hide it frm us, they dont feel comfortable cos they love u & trust u & wan u to know every single details abt em. so its a dilemna

yes nw e world of both sexes r of equal status, but do u really think all guys r used to it? do u think guys 2day r ready to accept gals who go ONS or casual sex? i dunno but i know my thinking is still very conservative. tat is y conservative guys will suffer alot in 2days world.

i once discuss this wif my fren. he told me tat his thinking is v simple. he wont care abt e gal's past. if e gal truely loves him den when during e relationship, she will b utmost faithful 2 u & wont do anything 2 betray u. i den ask him if example his gf is a air stewardess and she truely love him. but happen so tat on her work trip, she stop @ a foreign country feeling super down & lonely & happen tat she got 2 know this guy there & have a ONS wif him. when she came back to sg she told him immediately abt this incident. i asked him wat will he do? he juz replied end e relationship. his reason, if she truely loves u, den she will know hw to control herself & etc.

i dunno but this seems to b subjective to individuals. haha... so i oso dunno wat i will do. sry 4 my contridicting post. haha

[deathsyct]

I think it wld b best 4 2 of u to sit down & talk things out.
If 2 r deeply in love, they wont hide anything frm each other cos they know e opposite will accept em.

and yes every1 has a past b it gd or bad. ppl make mistakes.
but den again, guys r always egoistic creature. we always wan e very truth frm e opposite but havin known e truth will make us keep thinkin abt e past den start to imagine alot of things.
and so gals dunno whether to tell us e truth or nt cos telling us e truth they scare we will keep thinking abt e past & imagine alot of things. but if they hide it frm us, they dont feel comfortable cos they love u & trust u & wan u to know every single details abt em. so its a dilemna

yes nw e world of both sexes r of equal status, but do u really think all guys r used to it? do u think guys 2day r ready to accept gals who go ONS or casual sex? i dunno but i know my thinking is still very conservative. tat is y conservative guys will suffer alot in 2days world.

i once discuss this wif my fren. he told me tat his thinking is v simple. he wont care abt e gal's past. if e gal truely loves him den when during e relationship, she will b utmost faithful 2 u & wont do anything 2 betray u. i den ask him if example his gf is a air stewardess and she truely love him. but happen so tat on her work trip, she stop @ a foreign country feeling super down & lonely & happen tat she got 2 know this guy there & have a ONS wif him. when she came back to sg she told him immediately abt this incident. i asked him wat will he do? he juz replied end e relationship. his reason, if she truely loves u, den she will know hw to control herself & etc.

i dunno but this seems to b subjective to individuals. haha... so i oso dunno wat i will do. sry 4 my contridicting post. haha

[no_faith]

If you have hatred for her then it is better to end your relationship with her quickly. No point dragging this relationship any further, all parties will get deeply hurt in the end.

Bro,

What is 'bai' ?
'bai' = 'bai loti' (in hokkien) = a gal on drug, high, lost and kana fuck by guys one after/kana mass/kana rape

[AD69]

bro, i totally agree with you but hope she would come clean with me without me asking or anything...I don't think she will come clean with you unless you take the initiative to ask her about her past. Maybe she thought that you don't know her past so she just want to hide her unpleasant past from you.

[AD69]

bro, i totally agree with you but hope she would come clean with me without me asking or anything...I don't think she will come clean with you unless you take the initiative to ask her about her past. Maybe she thought that you don't know her past so she just want to hide her unpleasant past from you and starts life afresh.

[AD69]

bro, i totally agree with you but hope she would come clean with me without me asking or anything...I don't think she will come clean with you unless you take the initiative to ask her about her past. Maybe she thought that you don't know her past so she just want to hide her unpleasant past from you and starts life afresh.

[AD69]

bro, i totally agree with you but hope she would come clean with me without me asking or anything...I don't think she will come clean with you unless you take the initiative to ask her about her past. Maybe she thought that you don't know her past so she just want to hide her unpleasant past from you and starts life afresh.

[AD69]

bro, i totally agree with you but hope she would come clean with me without me asking or anything...I don't think she will come clean with you, she maight thought that you don't know about her unpleasant past so she just want to hide it from you and start life afresh again.

[camelot]

Hi bro same sentiment. Wat had happen so just be it. U love her as wat she is presently. Cos ppl do change. And ourself, we also need forgiveness from others too. No one is perfect though. IMHO.

Cheers
Yup bro..as willy says " To err is human. to forgive is divine" whatever that means!

[camelot]

Hi bro same sentiment. Wat had happen so just be it. U love her as wat she is presently. Cos ppl do change. And ourself, we also need forgiveness from others too. No one is perfect though. IMHO.

Cheers
Yup bro..as willy says " To err is human. to forgive is divine" whatever that means!

[84gunner]

life's a gamble, the future's a gamble.

we all dunno wat's in store for us in the future. wat we can do at best is try to make our future turn out the way we wannit 2 be. but then, how much & how often does it turn out perfectly according to our desire?

not tat I wanna side the gal, but, from 1 of the many possibilities, is tat the gal may not wanna tell everybody she got 2 know abit only about it, until she's very sure tat the person is someone she can trust. not talking about it oso helps her in putting it behind, rather than constantly digging up the old wounds herself.

probably at this stage now, she may actually feel like telling the truth, but this is oso a huge gamble for her. wat if, after all these years of dating & loving each other, tat u cant accept this issue & decides to leave her (aren't u hesitating now)? it may be too big a blow for her, all these years & efforts of living a new life will all go down the drain. she may oso be planning to be honest, but still trying to find the right time & atmosphere to do it.

we all make mistakes, whether big or small. wat's more important is to learn from mistakes, especially serious mistakes. if u keep on harping on that issue, u may end up living a life ard tis issue only!!! I'd seen pple, living their whole life harping on 1 issue they cant get over wif. the issue happened at 20+ yo, until after 60 yo, his life is still focussing on tat issue only. then wat's the meaning of life or living a life like tat?

it's oso better if u make preparations for the worst: ie. tat is the truth. wat are u going 2 do about it? accept it, put it behind & look forward to the future 2gether? or leave her? watever the decision, it's all up to yrself whether u can accept it or not. watever the decision, oso move on wif life, move ahead wif life, whether u both 2gether, or u alone.

a suggestion: though it may be expensive & embarassing, postpone the wedding, give yrselves some more time to tink it over, to seriously tink really properly, whether u can accept it. it is, after all, a life long & important decision of yr lives & future! the frens & relatives are there on the few days ard yr big day to share the joy wif u, they arent really around to share the woes / problems in the future! it's yr lives, it's yr future, not theirs, not anybody elses'!

not sure if u've heard of the hokkien saying:

可以娶鸡作妻，不可娶妻做鸡！

when u consider & make the decision, do it in a very clear & calm state of mind. it may oso be good to be away from office / work, not letting any work stress affect yr mood / emotions. A suggestion is go somewhere, probably nearby region, for a "holiday" trip, so yr mind is in a less disturbed state. often, when we're in emotional states, we tend to make rash / regretful decisions.

wish u all the best!

[84gunner]

life's a gamble, the future's a gamble.

we all dunno wat's in store for us in the future. wat we can do at best is try to make our future turn out the way we wannit 2 be. but then, how much & how often does it turn out perfectly according to our desire?

not tat I wanna side the gal, but, from 1 of the many possibilities, is tat the gal may not wanna tell everybody she got 2 know abit only about it, until she's very sure tat the person is someone she can trust. not talking about it oso helps her in putting it behind, rather than constantly digging up the old wounds herself.

probably at this stage now, she may actually feel like telling the truth, but this is oso a huge gamble for her. wat if, after all these years of dating & loving each other, tat u cant accept this issue & decides to leave her (aren't u hesitating now)? it may be too big a blow for her, all these years & efforts of living a new life will all go down the drain. she may oso be planning to be honest, but still trying to find the right time & atmosphere to do it.

we all make mistakes, whether big or small. wat's more important is to learn from mistakes, especially serious mistakes. if u keep on harping on that issue, u may end up living a life ard tis issue only!!! I'd seen pple, living their whole life harping on 1 issue they cant get over wif. the issue happened at 20+ yo, until after 60 yo, his life is still focussing on tat issue only. then wat's the meaning of life or living a life like tat?

it's oso better if u make preparations for the worst: ie. tat is the truth. wat are u going 2 do about it? accept it, put it behind & look forward to the future 2gether? or leave her? watever the decision, it's all up to yrself whether u can accept it or not. watever the decision, oso move on wif life, move ahead wif life, whether u both 2gether, or u alone.

a suggestion: though it may be expensive & embarassing, postpone the wedding, give yrselves some more time to tink it over, to seriously tink really properly, whether u can accept it. it is, after all, a life long & important decision of yr lives & future! the frens & relatives are there on the few days ard yr big day to share the joy wif u, they arent really around to share the woes / problems in the future! it's yr lives, it's yr future, not theirs, not anybody elses'!

not sure if u've heard of the hokkien saying:

可以娶鸡作妻，不可娶妻做鸡！

when u consider & make the decision, do it in a very clear & calm state of mind. it may oso be good to be away from office / work, not letting any work stress affect yr mood / emotions. A suggestion is go somewhere, probably nearby region, for a "holiday" trip, so yr mind is in a less disturbed state. often, when we're in emotional states, we tend to make rash / regretful decisions.

wish u all the best!

[Jamester999]

Yo bro

forget about her pass is impossible,
it's the way you handle it.

can you accept it that's part of her ? part of her that you like.
her pass is what make her what she is today, someone who you like
and wanna marry. don't forget.

easy say than done, try to accept it thinking about the above.
If you cannot, this thing will creep up on you in the future
and things are just goner be hotter than fire.

maybe meditate helps .. :P

Good luck

[bradpitt968]

letz say u love her, she love u, she is normal sg gal. mths or yrs both build up
the relationship, so both of u deicided to get marry. wedding gown chosen, wedding dinner venue chosen, relatives, friends are informed.

one day, u have overheard ur frenz talking abt her, you heard tat she once played drugs wif guys n kana 'bai' before, do all dirty shit wif the guys, also been to abortion b4 more den once. you nvr heard frm her at all. i noe nobody is perfect, we guys also go cheong too.

now, wat is ur reaction? wat will you do?
pretend nothing happen?
confront her?
cancel the marriage?
or any other comments?

Frankly.... all I can say it ... "Go with your heart".

If you heart cannot accept ... then it's better for you to change now .... then to rectify the problem later.

[mike2006]

What is 'bai' ?

Simply put, directly tranlation in english - "lay". Verbs - "prepare or position for action or operation".

[mike2006]

Back in my secondary school days during the mid 90s, it's a common scene where a group of ah bengs would gather, grope and take turn to screw a ah lian or many lians, some times many many shots. The ah lians either voluntary (Want to have fun) or high on drugs (Normally Esctasy rates higher) or drunk etc. Ah bengs always jio (recruit/invite in hokkien) a group or their gang when such lobangs, tio (in hokkien, place to carry out the execution).

[john99]

Everyone has got a past, it is whether these are major ones. Did she do drugs? Was she an FL? Did she participate in orgies?? Did she had abortions??
Did she had STDs before??

Personally I think she is afraid of telling you the truth as you may not be able to handle it. If you are not comfortable with her past suggest you postpone the wedding till you both talk these issues over. Otherwise you are only looking at finding "excuses later" to divorce her when yr relationship hit the inevitable challenges.

Getting married is easy but staying happily married is entirely a different matter. Divorce rates are already 25% and there are tons of marriages here that are already on the rocks, don;t be another unfortunate statistics if you are not ready to accept her past.

[klzombie]

The best thing is still to approach her carefully and talk to her nicely about it. She may be defensive when she realised you knew about it. But its the best way. The biggest reason is that sometimes word of mouth could be perverted and stray far from the truth. What your friend heard may already e corrupted; for example:

ah beng no. 1 says: "Hey yesterday I saw my mum complaining to your neighbour that they should not have open sex at their porch"

ah beng no. 2 says" Hey I heard from ah beng no 1 he says your mum likes watching her neighbour screwing at their porch"

ah beng no. 3 says" Hey I beard from ah beng no 2 he says your mum let the neighbour screw at your own porch and loving it"

ah beng no. 4 says" Hey I heard from ah beng no 3 he says your mum screwing the neighbour, his friends and the fruit seller guy at your own porch ka na saiiii!!1!" hehehe...

So it is always good to hear both sides of the story... Many years ago, my gf used to be poisoned by her ex bf who says I am a player. Actually I was but I have stopped long ago (coz I dun like playing iwth feelings) before I met my gf. She confronted me and I told her the truth and everything was ok. See, the truth was perverted. This could happen to your would be wife too, who knows she may be drugged and raped and have to have an abortion instead of saying she is a slut and took drugs while allowing ah bengs to fuck her.

Anyway my 2 cents worth :)

Lastly, my post probably will come out too late coz I am Waaayyyy into moderation haha!!

[youngeric]

letz say u love her, she love u, she is normal sg gal. mths or yrs both build up
the relationship, so both of u deicided to get marry. wedding gown chosen, wedding dinner venue chosen, relatives, friends are informed.

one day, u have overheard ur frenz talking abt her, you heard tat she once played drugs wif guys n kana 'bai' before, do all dirty shit wif the guys, also been to abortion b4 more den once. you nvr heard frm her at all. i noe nobody is perfect, we guys also go cheong too.

or any other comments?

Hi no_faith!

Some of the local FLs tell me what they do before they meet their boyfriends has got nothing to do with the boyfriends & they cannot blame the girl for being a FL because she did it before she met him. So, that may explain why the girl refuses to tell the guy about her past.

But from the guy's point of view, I can see why they want her to be honest & truthful especially since they are going to get married & will spend what is likely the rest of their life together.

But since this is a hypothetical question & you are not marrying her, the answer doesnt' really matter but I think most people will not accept a girl with such a past unless the guy's past is just as sordid or bad.

YE

[randyboy73]

IMHO, guys like to keep face (yao mian zi), so when their friends point out that their intended life partner had a chequered past (either as a FL / WL/ freq ONS), they will find it hard to accept. I believe that it is probably out of shock and the loss of face (or even shame) that makes the whole relationship go south.

It is different if for example, a guy happens to meet a gal in a KTV, Tn or even fr GL, the level of expectations would be different. They may eventually fall in love and get married, but under these circumstances, he will have been prepared mentally that there is always this possiblity that he will meet some of her ex-clients across the street. Whether it would cause a rift in the marriage in the later years or if it will eat him up inside is highly dependant on the individual.

I know it is easier said than done, but I always prefer to know the truth from her than to let the truth come from someone else and blindside me. If I know the truth and am prepared to accept it, then a life long committment wont be an issue altogether.

[randyboy73]

double post

[mlksh]

I met somone like your wife to be online. She told me her past and is almost similiar to your wife to be. Some how, I fall in love with her even when I know her past. She went for abortion more than 1, gangbang with many guys etc.... I still fall for her as I fould her to be lovely and sweet and I want to be with her but she had a boyfriend liao.

i can understand why you cannot accept her not because of the past but because of the honesty and truth to you. I also advice the gal I like to be truth to her bf but she did not take my advice. I can understand no guys will want they gf or wife to be someone that bad. My advice is to talk to her if it really matter so much to you. Tell her you are to accept her for watever she is in the past (if you can). If not, better to call off the weeding.



letz say u love her, she love u, she is normal sg gal. mths or yrs both build up
the relationship, so both of u deicided to get marry. wedding gown chosen, wedding dinner venue chosen, relatives, friends are informed.

one day, u have overheard ur frenz talking abt her, you heard tat she once played drugs wif guys n kana 'bai' before, do all dirty shit wif the guys, also been to abortion b4 more den once. you nvr heard frm her at all. i noe nobody is perfect, we guys also go cheong too.

now, wat is ur reaction? wat will you do?
pretend nothing happen?
confront her?
cancel the marriage?
or any other comments?

[randyboy73]

I met somone like your wife to be online. She told me her past and is almost similiar to your wife to be. Some how, I fall in love with her even when I know her past. She went for abortion more than 1, gangbang with many guys etc.... I still fall for her as I fould her to be lovely and sweet and I want to be with her but she had a boyfriend liao.

i can understand why you cannot accept her not because of the past but because of the honesty and truth to you. I also advice the gal I like to be truth to her bf but she did not take my advice. I can understand no guys will want they gf or wife to be someone that bad. My advice is to talk to her if it really matter so much to you. Tell her you are to accept her for watever she is in the past (if you can). If not, better to call off the weeding.


Agreed bro mlksh.. its always easier to accept the truth if u know if from the onset, rather than to find out from others.... Threadstarter, if you think u cannot live with this or are trying to force yourself to live with this, better to postpone the wedding, until you are sure u are indeed ok with it. Dont be foolhardy and try to "convince" yourself that "I can take it" if you don't really believe it. Give yourself some time to sort things out...

[WhenSPH]

a wife comes in a package, either you accept it or you continue looking. :rolleyes: have you heard of the hokkien phrase; its better to marry a wife who used to be a chicken then to marry one that will be a chicken. True huh?

but if you think about it from another POV, you may be the one to change her, however it is easy for us here to say because ultimately, you'll have to be the one facing it. C'mon bro, that friend of yours who told you these about her aint no good fren if he knows you're planning to get married with her.

Marriage is a huge responsibility and remember if you get married, don't dig out all these past when you quarrel.

[yankim3]

hmm we shd look at the future, but not easy imagine u are sitting with your gp of guy friends at the coffee shop then this gal walks in, then all your friend turn to look. then deep inside u, u are very happie, cos they were bioing chio bu. then they turn back and say that they gangbang the gal some time back and she does anal and cant get enuf of sex. even tried pussy, anal and mouth all at the same time. and that she CIM:eek: not easy to stomach that right? then she sit down beside u and u intro to them as your wife-to-be. :o

[randyboy73]

hmm we shd look at the future, but not easy imagine u are sitting with your gp of guy friends at the coffee shop then this gal walks in, then all your friend turn to look. then deep inside u, u are very happie, cos they were bioing chio bu. then they turn back and say that they gangbang the gal some time back and she does anal and cant get enuf of sex. even tried pussy, anal and mouth all at the same time. and that she CIM:eek: not easy to stomach that right? then she sit down beside u and u intro to them as your wife-to-be. :o


hmmm... maybe you could suggest another gangbang session just to ease off? Just kidding.. I definitely won't know how to react.... guess thats the time when all u wish for is the ground to open up and swallow you (no pun intended)...

[BustLover]

I got 2 points actually, Firstly I agree with most bros that the past is the past, you don't have to be bothered about that. However, I have a huge issue with honesty, and the fact that the woman I'm about to marry hides things about herself from me, means that I can't trust her, I will not marry her because she is not honest with me, rather than her wild young days. Honesty and Communication are the keys to a good marriage, always remember to use your heads before tying the knot, yes headS, the small one matters too....:D

Talking about HONESTY, have you not heard this saying, " The truth hurts!".
Also, when you intend to be honest with your girlfriend, at what time frame will you be honest with her? Are you sure that she will accept your honesty and your past doing to be with you?

If only life is so simple and easy, there will be peace everywhere. The sad fact is, this is a complicated world. Sometimes, you pay a high price for being honest. The HuangNa case is a good example. :confused:

[BustLover]

I got 2 points actually, Firstly I agree with most bros that the past is the past, you don't have to be bothered about that. However, I have a huge issue with honesty, and the fact that the woman I'm about to marry hides things about herself from me, means that I can't trust her, I will not marry her because she is not honest with me, rather than her wild young days. Honesty and Communication are the keys to a good marriage, always remember to use your heads before tying the knot, yes headS, the small one matters too....:D

Talking about HONESTY, have you not heard this saying, " The truth hurts!".
Also, when you intend to be honest with your girlfriend, at what time frame will you be honest with her? Are you sure that she will accept your honesty and your past doing to be with you?

If only life is so simple and easy, there will be peace everywhere. The sad fact is, this is a complicated world. Sometimes, you pay a high price for being honest. The HuangNa case is a good example. :confused:

[no_faith]

hmm we shd look at the future, but not easy imagine u are sitting with your gp of guy friends at the coffee shop then this gal walks in, then all your friend turn to look. then deep inside u, u are very happie, cos they were bioing chio bu. then they turn back and say that they gangbang the gal some time back and she does anal and cant get enuf of sex. even tried pussy, anal and mouth all at the same time. and that she CIM:eek: not easy to stomach that right? then she sit down beside u and u intro to them as your wife-to-be. :o
agreed bro, nice said

[titansimple]

what the threadstarter is going through is exactly what I am experiencing.

after being together and ROM this year, I found out about her past. she was very wild before knowing me. she was on party drugs, 5 steady bfs, 8 ons, 3 affairs with married man , raped twice and had abortion 3 times.

i was very frustrated initially but after some thinking, all that happened before i even knw her. wat is more important is the current and future her, and as long as we are happy together, nothing else is important.

[stephan]

what the threadstarter is going through is exactly what I am experiencing.

after being together and ROM this year, I found out about her past. she was very wild before knowing me. she was on party drugs, 5 steady bfs, 8 ons, 3 affairs with married man , raped twice and had abortion 3 times.

i was very frustrated initially but after some thinking, all that happened before i even knw her. wat is more important is the current and future her, and as long as we are happy together, nothing else is important.

U got the point! Who don't have the pass? kekeke.... ask urself (guys), how many gals u have upped before n after married?

[randyboy73]

what the threadstarter is going through is exactly what I am experiencing.

after being together and ROM this year, I found out about her past. she was very wild before knowing me. she was on party drugs, 5 steady bfs, 8 ons, 3 affairs with married man , raped twice and had abortion 3 times.

i was very frustrated initially but after some thinking, all that happened before i even knw her. wat is more important is the current and future her, and as long as we are happy together, nothing else is important.

dats why my stand is always to know what the gal had done in the past, so that i wont be blindsided. Somehow, it is easier to put on a united front when faced with some hurtful remarks when her past catches up with her. If i know that my wife to be was a KTV hostess and am still prepared to marry her, then even if i meet some of her ex-customers who had slept with her, I will still be capable of saying "bygones".

My ex gal friend, who is now my FB, said that a gal who practices ONS is cheaper than a prostitute. Out of curiosity, I asked her why and her reply was that a prostitute at least has some value for her body (how much she charges = value of body), whereas a ONS is a freebie.

I am not sure if I totally agree with her, but i have to admit, this is indeed an argument to consider.

[Chan_Loh]

The best thing is still to approach her carefully and talk to her nicely about it. She may be defensive when she realised you knew about it. But its the best way. The biggest reason is that sometimes word of mouth could be perverted and stray far from the truth. What your friend heard may already e corrupted; for example:

ah beng no. 1 says: "Hey yesterday I saw my mum complaining to your neighbour that they should not have open sex at their porch"

ah beng no. 2 says" Hey I heard from ah beng no 1 he says your mum likes watching her neighbour screwing at their porch"

ah beng no. 3 says" Hey I beard from ah beng no 2 he says your mum let the neighbour screw at your own porch and loving it"

ah beng no. 4 says" Hey I heard from ah beng no 3 he says your mum screwing the neighbour, his friends and the fruit seller guy at your own porch ka na saiiii!!1!" hehehe...

So it is always good to hear both sides of the story... Many years ago, my gf used to be poisoned by her ex bf who says I am a player. Actually I was but I have stopped long ago (coz I dun like playing iwth feelings) before I met my gf. She confronted me and I told her the truth and everything was ok. See, the truth was perverted. This could happen to your would be wife too, who knows she may be drugged and raped and have to have an abortion instead of saying she is a slut and took drugs while allowing ah bengs to fuck her.

Anyway my 2 cents worth :)

Lastly, my post probably will come out too late coz I am Waaayyyy into moderation haha!!

I totally agrees with Bro klzombie. Yes, the truth may hurt, but at least it will clear all doubts and all the "what ifs".

I recall one of my 'Shifu' mentioned once "you can marry a prostitute to be your wife but never marry your wife to be a prostitute."

[Chan_Loh]

The best thing is still to approach her carefully and talk to her nicely about it. She may be defensive when she realised you knew about it. But its the best way. The biggest reason is that sometimes word of mouth could be perverted and stray far from the truth. What your friend heard may already e corrupted; for example:

ah beng no. 1 says: "Hey yesterday I saw my mum complaining to your neighbour that they should not have open sex at their porch"

ah beng no. 2 says" Hey I heard from ah beng no 1 he says your mum likes watching her neighbour screwing at their porch"

ah beng no. 3 says" Hey I beard from ah beng no 2 he says your mum let the neighbour screw at your own porch and loving it"

ah beng no. 4 says" Hey I heard from ah beng no 3 he says your mum screwing the neighbour, his friends and the fruit seller guy at your own porch ka na saiiii!!1!" hehehe...

So it is always good to hear both sides of the story... Many years ago, my gf used to be poisoned by her ex bf who says I am a player. Actually I was but I have stopped long ago (coz I dun like playing iwth feelings) before I met my gf. She confronted me and I told her the truth and everything was ok. See, the truth was perverted. This could happen to your would be wife too, who knows she may be drugged and raped and have to have an abortion instead of saying she is a slut and took drugs while allowing ah bengs to fuck her.

Anyway my 2 cents worth :)

Lastly, my post probably will come out too late coz I am Waaayyyy into moderation haha!!

I totally agrees with Bro klzombie. Yes, the truth may hurt, but at least it will clear all doubts and all the "what ifs".

I recall one of my 'Shifu' mentioned once "you can marry a prostitute to be your wife but never marry your wife to be a prostitute."

[wongvtec]

Hi bro,

One must learn to forgive and forget. loving someone is hard, but letting go someone you love is harder.... If you love someone, and you let her go, and if she comes back to you, she is your forever.....

Dun know got help or not.... just my own view bro...

[camelot]

".

My ex gal friend, who is now my FB, said that a gal who practices ONS is cheaper than a prostitute. Out of curiosity, I asked her why and her reply was that a prostitute at least has some value for her body (how much she charges = value of body), whereas a ONS is a freebie.

I am not sure if I totally agree with her, but i have to admit, this is indeed an argument to consider.

Interesting comment....where would a FB stand then ? Between a call-girl and a ONS...?

[randyboy73]

Interesting comment....where would a FB stand then ? Between a call-girl and a ONS...?

Hmm.. guess you are right on this.. I would have to ask her when i am bonking her later... Will let u know her answer when i get it... cheerz

[randyboy73]

double post again.. paiseh

[Almond]

The past is long gone and will never be....
What we have is the present....
The future is dependent on the choices/ decisions that we make in the present.

[evo3]

Cases like that maybe she is not to be blame, as we know that young gals or guys always like to try things like drugs, and it could also some of the guys out there are all out to cheat those gals by asking them to try out those drugs and telling them that it will do her no harm, as we know some youngster are very navie type. So after taking it she will not know what those guys will do on her, if those guys are bad than we will be in doom of course will get bonk by many guys. So this is not her fault because i think she dont want this to happen to her. So do you think is excuseable for her or not at all.
Question is what had happen to her maybe she will tell you if you really asked her about her past things, I believe she would not like to hide it from you because if you find out it will be worst, since both going to get married than maybe she will try to be honest to you and make sure that she tell you once and for all, and just take the chance and see are you able to accept her after listening to her sad story. Everyone have a sad and happy days behind during their young days.
If you really love her whole heartly than just leave all these behind and start everything anew, start a new and happy family with your love one. No point thinking of all these after married because it will do you and her no good. Is best to trash everything out once and for all before going for ROM.
But bear in mind, once you had accepted her past than if after married should there any quarrel with her you must not bring out all these in front of her, this things cannot mentioned at all, else it will hurt her very deeply.
So bro if you are real think about it before you act.
Take care bro

[Krill&grill]

Nobody is perfect if you love the person you would not mind her past and you must be very sure of this or this is a road to the end......

[evo3]

Yes bro agreed with you. Marrying her is a kind of committment, in the event if there are any dispute in the future, non of the parties is suppose to bring out his or her past. Both have to hold hands and walk till the end of the road. This is true love.