The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?

[JWNY]

You may have married

- a one night stand
- a fling
- a wife or girlfriend of a buddy / best friend
- childhood sweetheart
- your boss / colleague
- a cousin
- matchmaked
- etc, etc

.....but is that person the one you loved most? ;)

who cares to share their thoughts? married / divorced / singles can participate. :)

JWNY

[beingunknown200]

reminds me of a song by Ronald Cheng - 最爱得人不是你 (If I remember the title correctly)...felt the lyrics can be so true sometimes...

[chick]

99% of the pple around me are so.....the person they married is not the person they loved most in their lifetime...

[superman]

You can't married the one you love, but you can married the one that loves you.

[asdfghjkl]

Do I know how hard it is to love someone who love you at the same time? Normally is I love her then she love me type..

[giggz83]

You can't married the one you love, but you can married the one that loves you.

then .. isnt she the luckiest lady? cos she married who she love.

poor us lucky her ... :(

[lao_teeko]

tend to agree...

how many of us end up doing what we wanted to do when we were young anyway?

we dont get it our way every time...

its a matter of timing. when you are ready to settle down..and this person who has been with you for this time...is automatically the 1st choice.

you may not love her as much as your previous gfs..but too bad that they broke up with you..or they have chosen someone else..

[Qimonda]

ANother case of marry someone who love me more than her, here

[The_Unrepentant]

Do I know how hard it is to love someone who love you at the same time? Normally is I love her then she love me type..

not love him meh?:confused: :D

[Rw6828]

There's a saying, it's better to be loved than to loved.

[Five Stone]

You may have married

.....but is that person the one you loved most? ;)

who cares to share their thoughts? married / divorced / singles can participate.
JWNY

Marriage is about 2 people being together, willing to undertake the responsibility to look after each other for life. We may not love the woman we married most but then again we aren’t stone cold heartless creatures, looking at the sacrifices and efforts made by her for the relationship, I believe we will learn to appreciate her and love her in the way that she deserve. :)

[desk13]

Very well said, love is not everything, got to look at the whole picture

[sam30sg]

Marriage is about 2 people being together, willing to undertake the responsibility to look after each other for life. We may not love the woman we married most but then again we aren’t stone cold heartless creatures, looking at the sacrifices and efforts made by her for the relationship, I believe we will learn to appreciate her and love her in the way that she deserve. :)

Well said bro, I do agreed with you bro 5stone, my wife is not the one I love most but she is the one that supported me in what ever I do so I believe that as husband we should understand and love our wives over the years togerther, most importantly we should appreciate what she did and sacrifices that she did for us.

[klzombie]

well I married whom I wanted to marry but then she turned into someone that I don't really want to marry. I now rather to be loved then to love someone more... hmm..:confused:

[curiosityz]

Marriage is about 2 people being together, willing to undertake the responsibility to look after each other for life. We may not love the woman we married most but then again we aren’t stone cold heartless creatures, looking at the sacrifices and efforts made by her for the relationship, I believe we will learn to appreciate her and love her in the way that she deserve. :)

totally agree with what you have said, bro!!!

[Reaper]

Marriage is only about 2 things;

1. To ensure the continued existence of the Human Species.
2. Compromise.....:cool:

[qw2op]

You may have married

- a one night stand
- a fling
- a wife or girlfriend of a buddy / best friend
- childhood sweetheart
- your boss / colleague
- a cousin
- matchmaked
- etc, etc

.....but is that person the one you loved most?
must it b u love most?

can u marry sum1 u love much or more?

if u dun like sum1, do u think u can bear 2 b wif dat person evryday 4 ze rest of ur life?

how often do u manage 2 get ze things dat u want 2 hv?

how often does life turn out ze way u want it 2 b?

humans r not perfect wor ... can their life b perfect? ... can dey choose 2 hv a perfect life?

[adnex]

Hmmm.. There is a saying in life not many of us will marry the one we love but we must love the one we marry. hmmm:rolleyes:

[JWNY]

Hope everyone is enjoying the holidays and thank you for the very constructive replies...

I, myself, believe that love can sort of be cultivated for someone as bro Five Stone has mentioned, yes - we can appreciate this person. However, is it for obvious reasons that we have done so? The most common I can think of

- all my friends are married EXCEPT me!
- Oh..look at the calender, I'm 35 tomorrow...and alone still
- we've already been together for 7 years...i guess this person is the one
- mummy thinks she's the best choice
- again, etc, etc

To bro qw2op, sometimes or even usually, we don't get what we want...but this is just for discussion of "what may have been"? :)

JWNY

[Five Stone]

One cannot keeps pondering if she is the right choice, the right one. No one is the right one if you do not look beyond what she has to offer and more importantly, what do you yourself want? You can choose to love and be love back, anyone of us in the right mind are passionate animals, we let our heart rules more than the mind. Learn to love first, perhaps one that you did not love as much may turn out to be the one you love most in the years to come. :)

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

- all my friends are married EXCEPT me!
- Oh..look at the calender, I'm 35 tomorrow...and alone still
- we've already been together for 7 years...i guess this person is the one
- mummy thinks she's the best choice
- again, etc, etc



allow me to wish u happy bday in advance bro.maybe can ask for her hand on ur bday,romantic wor.wish u two all the best and may ur wishes come true.:)

[generalsegal]

Hope everyone is enjoying the holidays and thank you for the very constructive replies...

I, myself, believe that love can sort of be cultivated for someone as bro Five Stone has mentioned, yes - we can appreciate this person. However, is it for obvious reasons that we have done so? The most common I can think of

- all my friends are married EXCEPT me!
- Oh..look at the calender, I'm 35 tomorrow...and alone still
- we've already been together for 7 years...i guess this person is the one
- mummy thinks she's the best choice
- again, etc, etc

To bro qw2op, sometimes or even usually, we don't get what we want...but this is just for discussion of "what may have been"? :)

JWNY

As same age as you this year , I had lost few gals which ( very very love one) now , I dont wanted to marry at all , leave all to the Lord .

Never get the very love one is always happen to many of them ,sadly world .:o

[asdfghjkl]

i heard someone said to me.. guys only like those gals who dun like them? true or false ah? :rolleyes:

[Huo_Yuan_Jia]

love is magical and yet sometimes comical.love like life is ironic.it is not smth within my control sometimes.thats y there is this phrase "Let nature takes it course".If its mean to be urs,it will be.;)

[page||]

usually one shouldn't marry just for the sake of getting married..

there has gotta be some understanding between the two parties and cohesion and feelings in the first place if not both wont be attracted together in th first place.

[David_Ginola]

99% of the pple around me are so.....the person they married is not the person they loved most in their lifetime...

totally agreed with the above statement. Maybe only 1 in a million couples love each others the most. Also my surrounding friends, colleagues are the 99%. Is quite difficult to have a perfect match, but good to those who had it.

Cheers

[reebok77]

Hope everyone is enjoying the holidays and thank you for the very constructive replies...

I, myself, believe that love can sort of be cultivated for someone as bro Five Stone has mentioned, yes - we can appreciate this person. However, is it for obvious reasons that we have done so? The most common I can think of

- all my friends are married EXCEPT me!
- Oh..look at the calender, I'm 35 tomorrow...and alone still
- we've already been together for 7 years...i guess this person is the one
- mummy thinks she's the best choice
- again, etc, etc

To bro qw2op, sometimes or even usually, we don't get what we want...but this is just for discussion of "what may have been"? :)

JWNY

We share the same birthday.:)

I agree with the point that love can be cultivated. Look at the past, people are matchmate and their marriage still last a life time.

[jemz]

i thought i had married the man i loved most

but it turned out that he's:

- irresponsible
- violent
- bad-tempered
- selfish
- immature

most of what he say was dua-kanging me. marry liao den turns out most of the time he talk big only. even to me and family, he act as if he knows everything and has got it all under controlled. he do bizness wait for people to look and refer to him instead of actively going out to look for sales. so we have many other commitments and bills, i end up bao-ing everything for him. even his handphone bills and house loans. summore i take home 1k a month. how to maintain? my savings running dry but he also dont care. never thought about saving money for the house. everytime talk to him about money he say he's stressed out. i'm the one working my ass off, feeding and clothing him, giving him a shelter and he's telling me he's stressed out? i come back still need to do housework, cook and keep him company.

what is love? i think it's BS. at least, in my case, it's already faded... i loved him but he just made me give up on him.

[giggz83]

i tot during the time you know each other to the time you married him .. you should knw his character already?

it seems that all his negative traits are a surprise to u now. :confused:

[asdfghjkl]

Perry Tong - it is very dangerous to hear one side of the story.. please invite your dar dar here so we can quiz him..

[jemz]

i tot during the time you know each other to the time you married him .. you should knw his character already?

it seems that all his negative traits are a surprise to u now. :confused:


we never planned to get married. his mom wished for us to settle so they can have an extra room for his brother's impending baby this dec.

he never really let me know about his bizness and when i quiz, he gets angry. i was very doubtful about the whole marriage thing and he asked me to trust him. i thought with that, he'll be more matured and plans for us. but nope, we signed the HDB papers, after that, he continue his spendthrift ways. each time i ask him to save, he get angry. i was trapped inside already. if we cancel the contract, we can get sued by the flat owner and liable to pay for their losses. i carried on with the hope that once the house keys is given to us, he will change when he sees the bills and the money needed to maintain the house.

so now, a month after the keys, still no change. he's got no money now so he can't spend anything. every cent that he gets to spend is given by me from my own salary. i ask him to look for clients, he tells me he knows what he's doing or we'll get into a fight. i'm arrived at the point that i don't care whether he dies or lives anymore. i support this house until my savings run dry, i move home and let HDB take back this flat. since he doesn't want to be responsible for it, there's no point i hug him and the flat and die together. i was stressed by our financial situation until i broke down. but he still doesn't bother. i wanted so much for this to work and for us to be happy. he've just let me down completely through and through. so what for i out in so much effort now? i just do what i have do... if it doesn't work, i've already tried my best to mend our marriage and to make the best out of our financial matters.

i'm sick and tired of his behavior. if he doesn't grow up, i'll have no choice but to leave him. i cannot be his mother, nanny, wife and maid all at the same time while still need to work and feed him. what kind of life is this?

[shrek]

maybe that's why got a such quote.

man afriad of entering the wrong trade. woman afriad of marrying the wrong guy....

[mazix]

i noe its kinda a wrong place to ask about this here. but i just want to hear some opinion from u guys. i have a gf for 4 years but mid last year i met this wonderful woman.fell in love with her eventually broke up with my gf early this year n be with this woman.. but sumwhere mid this year i get back with my gf. the reason for me going back with my gf was just abt sympity. also i can't take it some about the woman's past. its actually a big matter that i can't accept. to me i prefer the woman rather than my gf cos we tend to click better. but my gf is just a boring plain old jane & she always get on my nerve at least one a week. its not a big thing that she do to make me tick but little things like asking stupid qns.. but the woman is alot different than my gf. she is more loud and more outspoken than my gf. i can't possibly break off with my gf again just like that and get back again with the woman. try to catch her cheating on me but she's clean.the woman still waiting for me till this day to be back with her although she noes that i'm with my gf. really need to hear u guys opinion on this. thanks!

[giggz83]

i'm sick and tired of his behavior. if he doesn't grow up, i'll have no choice but to leave him. i cannot be his mother, nanny, wife and maid all at the same time while still need to work and feed him. what kind of life is this?

i guess .. the thing is, you have to protect yourself from being pregnant now .. cos, a divorce is inevitable.

so .. i wish you best.

[Five Stone]

the reason for me going back with my gf was just abt sympity. also i can't take it some about the woman's past. its actually a big matter that i can't accept.the woman still waiting for me till this day to be back with her although she noes that i'm with my gf. really need to hear u guys opinion on this. thanks!

Bro, try harder, telling a scenario but holding back some truths does not allow others to make an honest judgment. What is that past that keeps you from going back to her? Why be so fanatical about her past then? Your ex GF will be a victim of your sympathy, simply because you had a sudden urge to be a philanthropist. Perhaps it is time for you to stop finding excuses and face the fact and trust me, end of day the choice is yours to make. Be it her or ex, someone bound to lose something along the way just because of one’s indecisiveness and inability to make the choice.

On the other hand trying so desperately to catch her being unfaithfully already spell the end of whatever you have in you for her. So why drag like an old wife’s tale and airing dirty linen then. Well, you yourself know better. :cool:

[asdfghjkl]

you should have a straight talk with your hubby.. it can save marriages at times..

[vesfreq]

- all my friends are married EXCEPT me!
- Oh..look at the calender, I'm 35 tomorrow...and alone still
- we've already been together for 7 years...i guess this person is the one
- mummy thinks she's the best choice
- again, etc, etc

To bro qw2op, sometimes or even usually, we don't get what we want...but this is just for discussion of "what may have been"?

JWNY

Don't fret bro. I will be joining you soon. Hitting 30 in a year plus time. I dread thinking about the day when there are no friends/ pals to talk to.

My mum, ironically, isn't even supportive of me getting a gf. I'm like WTF. Been a bachelor for 99% of my life (excluding those childhood days). Only thing that I can do is to buy a better and faster sports car, but not to chase girls. More to keep myself company. I'm never lucky with girls, but I am always lucky with the finance company. Ask for money, they (finance company) hound me for days to sign on the dotted line. Ask a girl out for date, can kena reject.

Like all other bros, my one and only relationship ended (though love was strong between both of my ex and I). I must say that she is the only that had moved me so much. :( If got time machine, I would love to bring her back and give her a hug everyday and tell her "I love you". Sigh.............. But, since I can't have the girl I like, I want to just buy that one car I like most.

Today public holiday, even the girl that I just started dating also no time for me. Its really F up. Thankfully, SBF still in biz. :D

[alphonsus]

Have you all wondered:

We tot we knew what we want when we went into a marriage. But that was then at that point of time and age.

Our view / need changes over time (as we grow older), either for the good or bad.

We couldn't have look so far into the future to take into considerations all the changes that will be coming.

Thus:

We need to constantly re-adjust our expectations, so as to avoid conflicts with our partners. Though this is easier said than done.

But:

I do not think we will know if the decision is ultimately correct until we reach the end of the road and reflect back.


Just my 3 cents worth of tots for sharing :)

[Xia406]

Pardon me bros, I will think that I'm pretty young here to speak my mind. But the way I see marriage is, it is for money, for procreating and to find someone to take care of u for the rest of your life. Love as it is, isn't the most important when u decide to marry someone.

Yet I still hope to find someone I love most and marry her eventually.

[Souledge]

This quote i found it somewhere and i find this is very suitable here



We will meet 4 persons in our life times.
First, ourselves.
Second, the one that we love the most.
Third, the one who loves us the most.
Forth, the one whom we will spend our whole life with.

The funny thing is, the one whom we will spend our whole life with always neither be the one we love the most, nor the one who loves us the most.
It's just we meet them at the right time, right place, then eventually, we spend our whole life being together...


but for me though i am not married yet... but i am with the one that love me the most... so... this might not be very true after all :D

[weixiang]

got this saying marry not some1 u can live with, but some1 whom u can't live without..!!

[JWNY]

Exactly...there so many permutations...I'm not trying to find the perfect one..I'm trying to ask myself, does this person exist?

Short poll:

How many of you guys and girls...have loved someone so much, but the sex is terrible...really unenjoyable...but loved sex so much with someone else, but not want to commit to that person just because it's the sex that is GREAT?

Be honest..can't be good at EVERYTHING ;)

JWNY

[JWNY]

Pardon me bros, I will think that I'm pretty young here to speak my mind. But the way I see marriage is, it is for money, for procreating and to find someone to take care of u for the rest of your life. Love as it is, isn't the most important when u decide to marry someone. Let me share something with you bro...one day when you see a lot of money, i mean the obscene kind...you'll get sick of it...i swear...:)

As for LOVE vs MONEY...agreed. There has to be both...but it CANNOT solely be functional by itself, both have to be available to facilitate or initiate something...gone are those days of "Love at first sight"...i'm sure they mixed up the word LUST somewhere...:p

JWNY

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

i tot during the time you know each other to the time you married him .. you should knw his character already?

it seems that all his negative traits are a surprise to u now. :confused:

no matter what,guess it's too late for regrets.

[milo_man]

How many of you guys and girls...have loved someone so much, but the sex is terrible...really unenjoyable...but loved sex so much with someone else, but not want to commit to that person just because it's the sex that is GREAT?

Be honest..can't be good at EVERYTHING ;)

JWNY[/FONT][/SIZE]

though i not married,i used to have a lazy partner..knn..like die fish but still i love her a lot at that point of time. But i kick her backside to africa when last straw. Now recently, everything seems prefect..great sex..love her n she love me. But she did hint to me we wun get married cos age difference plus she believe my family will object...Sianzz..looks like i m on the look again

[JWNY]

i noe its kinda a wrong place to ask about this here. but i just want to hear some opinion from u guys. Choose someone before you lose BOTH...if not, be prepared to lose both and start again. Good luck. :)

JWNY

[Hakoshu]

The one u married might not be the one u loved the most but she/he is certainly the one tat is most suitable to stay/be with u for long term..

[wolf78]

The one u married might not be the one u loved the most but she/he is certainly the one tat is most suitable to stay/be with u for long term..

hmm... agree...
lost 2 gers which 1 loved most.... 1 oready married and hav kid and d other hav a bf.... now wif my currenty gf, she's gd, cannot complain but naggy @ time :D, but den again dunoe can last with her mahz :confused:

[GLHunter]

You can't married the one you love, but you can married the one that loves you.

I heard from the radio;

Never choose to be with someone you can live with,
but choose to be with someone you cannot live without.

Above sound very ideal, but after all the pain & hurt, i realised its already a blessing to find someone that truely loves you. & this is enough for me. :)

[JWNY]

Above sound very ideal, but after all the pain & hurt, i realised its already a blessing to find someone that truely loves you. & this is enough for me. :) Wise words from my bro....

How are you bro ? Long time no see...i still waiting for your wedding invitation :D

JWNY

[GLHunter]

Wise words from my bro....

How are you bro ? Long time no see...i still waiting for your wedding invitation :D

JWNY

i am doing well bro. coz i have found a wonderful gf that make me feel
that, god is fair. haha..

still saving for marriage, her sister had a grand wedding previously & i want her to have the same as well. but that will wipe out all my savings at one go
based on current status, so maybe in another 2 years time. :p

[Deztruct]

Sometimes i wonder if love can be measured.if not then how can we noe which is the one we love most? sometimes the one that we think we love most is mayb bcoz tat someone is not ard..human nature are such tat we are likely to take things for granted..so mayb similarly, we might be with the one we love most but yet we dun realise tat bcoz tat person is with us..

anyway i believe tat i might not have a chance to marry the one i love most but i can always love most the one i marry

[jinrenhe]

anyway i believe tat i might not have a chance to marry the one i love most but i can always love most the one i marry

great bro... and that's also very important! :)

[titan524]

This quote i found it somewhere and i find this is very suitable here



We will meet 4 persons in our life times.
First, ourselves.
Second, the one that we love the most.
Third, the one who loves us the most.
Forth, the one whom we will spend our whole life with.

The funny thing is, the one whom we will spend our whole life with always neither be the one we love the most, nor the one who loves us the most.
It's just we meet them at the right time, right place, then eventually, we spend our whole life being together...


but for me though i am not married yet... but i am with the one that love me the most... so... this might not be very true after all :D

Bro, your quote said it all. For those of us already married, the love and relationship with OC will change over time, and we also have to adjust our expectations over time. It's a ongoing thing, and require nurturing.

For those who are having problems or deciding between two choices, a friend offered to me an advise a year back when we ran into trouble: choose the person who you know will stick through thick and thin with you.

Hope this helps.

[Ahtip]

[QUOTE=Xia406]Pardon me bros, I will think that I'm pretty young here to speak my mind. But the way I see marriage is, it is for money, for procreating and to find someone to take care of u for the rest of your life. Love as it is, isn't the most important when u decide to marry someone.



this sound so sad ...

[Cao_pi]

Dear Bros,

Just a story of my own

I lost my only one true love to a friend of mine, I knew the girl since age 14 and we are what you would call Qing Mei Zhu Ma. I'm currently 31 years old. On and Off the girl and I were an item for a couple of years and it was the best period of my life. The teasing, the caring and the love shown is pass physical.

But as i grew older, I start to neglect her for one thing, and that is Money. The hunger for power and finance are so strong that I've hurt her emotionally for a few occasion. Though she say that she will be at my back all the time to give me the support while I build my career and my business, our relationship just drift further apart. Till a point that when I stop and look back, there is nothing I can do to rekindle the pure Love that we once shared. Thus we go our seperate way...

Of course blinded by greed, I continue my way of agression for business. I thought that with money I could buy Love, whether is it from her I do not know. (But its true, physically I'm a very satisfied man.)

Bam, then the cold hard truth hit me so hard in the form of a red ferrari. It was her wedding invitation. Guess what, the groom is a common close friend that she and I share. I'm guessing they got together when we broke up. I thought that I would be mad, furious at them but the first sight of her smile made me forget all about it. Wearing power suit and power tie, everyone we once knew thought highly of me. But I could only manage to hide the broken heart through my pride. (That night I Wept)

We must treasure the ones we love.... how true could that be?

But that was 4 years back, emotionally I don't think I could be healed, but I've already wished them the best of luck in their marridge and i bear no grudges with them. Power, fortune, Woman and Friendship is still my current motivation in life.

My conclusion is : We live only once, Have no regrets!

[evo3]

there is a song entitled " Ai Wo De Ren he Wo Ai De Ren"
is true that the one we married is not the one we love. marrying the one is bcos they have know each other for long and also understand well and would like to spend their life together and have a happy family. the one we love can be our mistress bcos mistress comes after our marriage. and mistress we cant married them so in order to companesate them we will love them more than our wife. this is my own thinking.

[flirt king]

How nice old days can have more than 1 wife then such issue wont come up

[OceanEleven]

How nice old days can have more than 1 wife then such issue wont come up
Are you sure that when you are allow to have few wivies and such issues are over? Perhaps you really under estimate the power of having a girls together. ;)

[Castrol]

Are you sure that when you are allow to have few wivies and such issues are over? Perhaps you really under estimate the power of having a girls together. ;)

now that you mention, a few women under one roof will be quite a problem. but i think 2 wives will be ideal for me. on the sex part, i can rotate them and also tarma, so can cut down on bonking FL. one can go work to supplement income so i dont have to get 3 jobs, while one can stay home so we dont need a maid. how about that? :D

anyway per the thread topic, there's this eternal problem where we may not successfully get the girl we really fall for. and we dont have an eternity to find another such girl. age and time starts creeping in and you'll realize many nice girls are already married by then.

[walabis]

no matter what,guess it's too late for regrets.

Bro SJG, your siggy "President oF CLUB SYT aKa PrinCe oF BS" cool man :D

[insanity08]

Well I agree to a certain extend to this thread... the one you marry ... you love her ... but guess ... she is not the one you loved the MOST ... often it is always the case wherby .... the one you loved most is nv with you .. haiz ... thats the sad fact of life isn't it ?:(

[5ag1_Boar]

I heard from the radio;

Never choose to be with someone you can live with,
but choose to be with someone you cannot live without.

...

That was my mistake. I married somone that I felt I could live with. Then after 5 years, I left her for someone I cannot live without.

My second, and biggest mistake was not loving most the one I married. If I had,I would have never met the other woman.

My friend once told me that he asked his rather young friend who was getting married the next day, "what if you meet someone better?" His friend replied, "I'll run far away from her (the 'better' one)."

In retrospect, I should have remembered that and ran when I met the one I could not live without... before I found out I can't live without her.

I think spoiling my marriage and becoming only a part time father to my son will be the biggest regrets in my life.

[Five Stone]

now that you mention, a few women under one roof will be quite a problem. but i think 2 wives will be ideal for me. on the sex part, i can rotate them and also tarma, so can cut down on bonking FL. one can go work to supplement income so i dont have to get 3 jobs, while one can stay home so we dont need a maid. how about that? :D


Then again, there will be an debate of who is staying at home and who is working, end of the day, you maybe staying at home looking after the kids, doing housework and ask to join in for a tarma when you are needed!!! :eek:

[axeman24]

Don't fret bro. I will be joining you soon. Hitting 30 in a year plus time. I dread thinking about the day when there are no friends/ pals to talk to.

:D


Welcome to the club bro

[Castrol]

Then again, there will be an debate of who is staying at home and who is working, end of the day, you maybe staying at home looking after the kids, doing housework and ask to join in for a tarma when you are needed!!! :eek:

i'll be a victim of feminism! :D

[jinrenhe]

now that you mention, a few women under one roof will be quite a problem. but i think 2 wives will be ideal for me. on the sex part, i can rotate them and also tarma, so can cut down on bonking FL. one can go work to supplement income so i dont have to get 3 jobs, while one can stay home so we dont need a maid. how about that? :D


Hahaha .... how nice. Then i wish like wei xiaobao, 7 wives. Not only sex part can have variety, one knows kung fu can protect, one good at cooking, one good at managing the household etc.... haha if every one work part time give me $200-$300 a month, i can dun need work even :D

[DingDongBell]

I also want leh.... Seven wife and rich as hell:D

[giggz83]

My conclusion is : We live only once, Have no regrets!

i like this verse very much.

after my gf left me .. i felt a lot. i really did a lot of mistakes .. but all is but too late.

we live once only .. yes!!

so .. bros, if u really wanna knw this babe so much .. go! if you think changing to another job can really bring ur career to another level .. go! if you think u wanna try mlm or real estate .. go!

we only live once .. paiseh or not, to hell with it!!! .. if not, there might not be a chance anymore.

why regret? since life's so short. :cool:

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

Bro SJG, your siggy "President oF CLUB SYT aKa PrinCe oF BS" cool man :D

not cool lar bro,i still scare ppl will say me bhb ar..kekeke..and thks for ur pts bro,will return favour asap.:)

[Castrol]

Hahaha .... how nice. Then i wish like wei xiaobao, 7 wives. Not only sex part can have variety, one knows kung fu can protect,

my all time lust for a kungfu girl is moon lee. :D

http://members.jcom.home.ne.jp/moonlee/images/gl01bs65.jpg

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

few yrs back,i choose to live my ex-gf of 3 yrs.we were on the verge of marriage,just that i am fearful i am unable to give her a comfortable life she deserved.i did regret initially after that but now that she is happily married,i am happy.in life we will have to make a few important decisions,no matter which decision and path u choose,tell urself that is wat u have choose and never regret cos it's of no signifiance.life still must and will go on.

[giggz83]

few yrs back,i choose to live my ex-gf of 3 yrs.we were on the verge of marriage,just that i am fearful i am unable to give her a comfortable life she deserved.i did regret initially after that but now that she is happily married,i am happy.in life we will have to make a few important decisions,no matter which decision and path u choose,tell urself that is wat u have choose and never regret cos it's of no signifiance.life still must and will go on.

bro ..

i salute you for this. it is definitely not easy. and it takes a lot of courage to actually put thoughts to action.

i hope i wont ever will be in this shoe of yours.

respect! :)

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

bro ..

i salute you for this. it is definitely not easy. and it takes a lot of courage to actually put thoughts to action.

i hope i wont ever will be in this shoe of yours.

respect! :)

lolz.thks bro,i dont deserve that,perhaps that is one of the reason y i start my ktv cheonging,looking for smth to fill up the empty space in my heart.thinking back at times do aches here and there but i told myself,hey,that is what u wanted,move and go on.

[surfer888]

That was my mistake. I married somone that I felt I could live with. Then after 5 years, I left her for someone I cannot live without.

Guess we have more in common than I originally thought.

I married the person I thought was best for my future and someone I could live with. Big Mistake.

However, I still feel that my choice of not marrying the one I loved the most is still correct. I'm sure things would have never worked out as we had lots of complications outside of the relationship (money, country, lifestyles etc). Things would have turned very bad for us... though I still get the occasional "What if" thoughts.... maybe I'm kidding myself.

If ever given the choice again, I may choose NOT to ever get married OR make the same mistake and marry the same wife... afterall, she gave me the most important thing in my life... my son.

[giggz83]

lolz.thks bro,i dont deserve that,perhaps that is one of the reason y i start my ktv cheonging,looking for smth to fill up the empty space in my heart.thinking back at times do aches here and there but i told myself,hey,that is what u wanted,move and go on.

haha.. done that..

after i broke up with my first love, i oso did that. cheong ktv, go disco, go club. sianz..

burn a big hole ... in the end. still emptiness..

screw the freaking whore .. Soo sianz.. no feeling .. i really miss the lovevy feeling when doing it with gf.

haiz.. now going ktv is so sianz.. waste $ waste time .. knowing that after every session is still emptiness .. still thinking of her.

well, like what you say .. move on and go on. :)

[Thai Rak Thai]

Sigh..can't always get what we want in life mah...:o

[Deztruct]

sad also pass 1 day
happy also pass 1 day
life so short
why be sad?
try to be happy ba

Its beta to smile a fake smile than not to smile at all. The worst thing is when you cant even smile a fake smile

[-itr-]

Exactly...there so many permutations...I'm not trying to find the perfect one..I'm trying to ask myself, does this person exist?

Short poll:

How many of you guys and girls...have loved someone so much, but the sex is terrible...really unenjoyable...but loved sex so much with someone else, but not want to commit to that person just because it's the sex that is GREAT?

Be honest..can't be good at EVERYTHING ;)

JWNY

i liked your honesty.

well said.

[-itr-]

after reading a couple of stories here i like to add mine too.

well lately,i have got back in touch with the ger whom i first love when i first saw and knew her @ 14. but luck was never with me becoz , i got to know her thru my fren whom goes to the same sch with her.
and back then , she belong to those hangout with her peers or classmates and where as i was like a alien desperately tryin to reach her and get close with her. coz she just belong to those decent , conservative kinda of ger.
well alot of the memories i have during young days does include her , going to the old cathy, old satay club, old diamaru..etc
and one of the most common first fun driving the first special ger when we get to drive our own car.
and all these while , she never really officially belong to me til,
the final last week before she got to ROM with her current husband , the reason was this loser was serving his lao peng Ns during his late yrs .
so to keng stayout and not to lose her , he chose to rom , which i last understand from her, she just agreed blindly not knowing whether is the right thing anot.

boy, after for the long years of courtship, i really have her in my arms and everything tat a couple does.
and exchanged our true feelings for each other.
but its all too late coz.. both parents and met and exchange their blessing for this wedding

so there i was lan lan.. got to let her go.
and back i went to this wifey of mine now whom been thru thick and thin with me.
but sometimes being alone or late @ nite. i wonder is this the right woman i married? or just someone i have to live for the rest of my life til my ic is up to surrender?

it has been 5 yrs since we last spoke or met. til lately by chance we hooked up again thru msn.
so we met each other despite we r both married .coz by luck both our spouses r away for work.
and this meeting i think we both knew it ain't so simple.
its gonna lead us somewhere or just to continue wot we left behind becoz
of circumstances and true enuff, it did take off.. coz we just didn't have enuff of each other.
but sorry bros and sister.
i did not engage luv making session with her.
brothers , am i a dickhead or wot? damn Knn.

the only thing i luv being with her was..
its like she is the one u can share the joy and laughter of thinking back
those silly young days u been thru .
so lookg back , there is fun, joy laughter +++ing abt it.
this is the special feeling i yearn from her.
and she claimed i'm the only one whom can give her this too.

okay.. so u see this is one true luv i still have in my heart.
but shortly.. this renewal affair didn't last long, coz she feared
our little secret might not be long and might harm or disturb our own marriage
life, or the other half. just becoz of a dumb forwared email i sent to her.
man i F**king regret it.. initially it was all out for fun. didn't realise the impact
of it.
the title was "did i married the wrong person"


and now.. this special ger in my heart has left me again.. and i still think of her @ places where i been with her . and i have to revert back to the role of a husband of a particular woman.
til now, i still wondered does this special woman luv me or just wanna get some kick outside her marriage? when i know she is the super decent conservative sort.

but being a man of my age goin to the 30s... its all abt career and money chapter in life.so i can't be blinded by some luv or question in life.
i have to move on.

this thread has helped me to release my locked up words.
:o

[5ag1_Boar]

itr,

Seems like the only joy you get from your past love is about the past. What about now? What about the future?

I don't know the relationship you have with your wife, but it can be spiced up, made better, more loving. Lots of books, courses, seminars, workshops, out there to help.

I left my wife for another. While I don't regret being with my current gf, I do regret screwing up my marriage and my son's life. My ex-wife is a really nice person but I was blind then. As one bro said earlier... learn to love most the woman you married.

[Five Stone]

after reading a couple of stories here i like to add mine too.

but being a man of my age goin to the 30s... its all abt career and money chapter in life.so i can't be blinded by some luv or question in life.
i have to move on.

this thread has helped me to release my locked up words.
:o

Some words are best left unspoken, like memories are best left cherished. The unimaginable path ahead never fails to allure souls like us to ponder and mesmerize what could we have left out. Perhaps it is such undesirable outcome that makes fools like us keep yearning for more. Life goes on, grass is always greener on the other pastures. Learning to make the best out of what you have and cherish her perhaps is a bigger challenge than to look for the perfect one. ;)

[-itr-]

itr,

Seems like the only joy you get from your past love is about the past. What about now? What about the future?

I don't know the relationship you have with your wife, but it can be spiced up, made better, more loving. Lots of books, courses, seminars, workshops, out there to help.

I left my wife for another. While I don't regret being with my current gf, I do regret screwing up my marriage and my son's life. My ex-wife is a really nice person but I was blind then. As one bro said earlier... learn to love most the woman you married.

bro,

i thank u for the kind advise.. and yes its true, one of my close fren kept warning me the same thing.my wife is a nice person who takes my shit.
so again no one is perfect.
tats y til now, everynite before i sleep.. i like to look @ my wife when she's asleep, and kept reminding myself this is the woman i gonna get old with.
and bearing the fact that thru thick and thin she stand by me.
which by nature myself, i will always cherish or return the favour whom had helped me.
so the more i can't betray my wife.

[-itr-]

Some words are best left unspoken, like memories are best left cherished. The unimaginable path ahead never fails to allure souls like us to ponder and mesmerize what could we have left out. Perhaps it is such undesirable outcome that makes fools like us keep yearning for more. Life goes on, grass is always greener on the other pastures. Learning to make the best out of what you have and cherish her perhaps is a bigger challenge than to look for the perfect one. ;)


tats was wot the special ger in my heart always or nvr fail to say.
sweet memories will always be with her.
sometimes , i wondered... am i taken for a ride? or its just life is not fair?

probably the greatest challenge is to move on ahead and fulfilling what my wife wants now.. "Family?"

OMG...

cheers...

[-itr-]

itr,

Seems like the only joy you get from your past love is about the past. What about now? What about the future?

I don't know the relationship you have with your wife, but it can be spiced up, made better, more loving. Lots of books, courses, seminars, workshops, out there to help.

I left my wife for another. While I don't regret being with my current gf, I do regret screwing up my marriage and my son's life. My ex-wife is a really nice person but I was blind then. As one bro said earlier... learn to love most the woman you married.


bro,
spicing the relationship up.. erm is kinda of difficult.. and its like
our life has become so routine.
and til this stage in our life basically becomes a partner for one another whom
knows or read the other one's mind.
so...i dunno man..
i getting confused.. too
but like u said. learn to love most the woman u married.

which i'm tryin to do it everynite before i sleep.

[surfer888]

learn to love most the woman u married.

which i'm tryin to do it everynite before i sleep.

One of the best quotes I've heard so far.

I'm trying my best to do that. Extremely difficult but I believe I'll get by. Whenever I think I cannot take it anymore, I look at my kid and think of her as the woman who gave me this beautiful child. At least that keeps me going for now.

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

well, like what you say .. move on and go on. :)

as for me,i had moved on,just that seeing what the bros here posted so wanna share my piece.life is too short for us to keep on living in the past,grieving over it and ignoring the present & future which shld matters most.

[natsuki]

The person u married may not be the one u love the most, but if he/she willing to go thru thin and thick with u, he/she is definately the person u can turn to whenever u r down.

Anyway, hard chances of marrying the one u loved the most.... so please... 珍惜眼前人... :) Life is too short for regretting past deeds.

[natsuki]

So sorry... Double post... dui bu qi..

[natsuki]

dumb comp... sorry.. posting delete...

[natsuki]

The person u married may not be the one u love the most, but if he/she willing to go thru thin and thick with u, he/she is definately the person u can turn to whenever u r down.

Anyway, hard chances of marrying the one u loved the most.... so please... 珍惜眼前人... :) Life is too short for regretting past deeds.

[-itr-]

itr,

Seems like the only joy you get from your past love is about the past. What about now? What about the future?

I don't know the relationship you have with your wife, but it can be spiced up, made better, more loving. Lots of books, courses, seminars, workshops, out there to help.

I left my wife for another. While I don't regret being with my current gf, I do regret screwing up my marriage and my son's life. My ex-wife is a really nice person but I was blind then. As one bro said earlier... learn to love most the woman you married.

bro,

saw ur pm . really appreciate ur kind intention.
i will give it a try .. but not @ the moment coz my marriage hasn't come
the extreme rock.
and the ultimate problem lies with me.
i'm just tryin to get back my marriage life in line.
so for the moment , i'm just kinda of upset life is getting routine and boring,
which is the happiness that we are having it now.
and the problem lies with human, they always take things for granted.

[jaclyn]

well the one i married isn't the one i love most too... we married bcos i dun wanna kill a life (my bb lar)... now i regret... everytime see ppl my age (mid 20s) going out kai kai, cheonging or even go overseas with frenz, i really envy them lor...

i'm stuck... not only stuck in married life... but oso with a irresponsible husband... for his own pleasure, he bought his fav car... without thinking if he can afford it... so now i'm the one suffering... have to pay all his debts for him... haiz... y must life play a trick on us... i use to have afew ex-bfs who are very gd to me... but i chose to dump them... and fell madly in love with my current husband... and did so many silly things which end up to this ending... but now i regret & it's too late liao...

whenever we quarrel he'll say that he regret marrying me... but aft that he'll juz say that it's all words of anger (maybe he say this cos he scare i leave him & no one pay for his debts liao)... but think he meant his words lor... think i'm oso not the person he love most... :(

recently i suspect that my husband is having an affair... funny wor... it do hurts me... is it that i get use to be with him liao... or bcos i really love him... or bcos of all the things that i've done for him make me feel this way...:(

[shrek]

well the one i married isn't the one i love most too... we married bcos i dun wanna kill a life (my bb lar)... now i regret... everytime see ppl my age (mid 20s) going out kai kai, cheonging or even go overseas with frenz, i really envy them lor...

i'm stuck... not only stuck in married life... but oso with a irresponsible husband... for his own pleasure, he bought his fav car... without thinking if he can afford it... so now i'm the one suffering... have to pay all his debts for him... haiz... y must life play a trick on us... i use to have afew ex-bfs who are very gd to me... but i chose to dump them... and fell madly in love with my current husband... and did so many silly things which end up to this ending... but now i regret & it's too late liao...

whenever we quarrel he'll say that he regret marrying me... but aft that he'll juz say that it's all words of anger (maybe he say this cos he scare i leave him & no one pay for his debts liao)... but think he meant his words lor... think i'm oso not the person he love most... :(

recently i suspect that my husband is having an affair... funny wor... it do hurts me... is it that i get use to be with him liao... or bcos i really love him... or bcos of all the things that i've done for him make me feel this way...:(


well, sister i believe u still have feelings for your current husband.. it's only when u felt nth, that meants u has lost feelings for him and bless him..

[Thai Rak Thai]

I left my wife for another. While I don't regret being with my current gf, I do regret screwing up my marriage and my son's life. My ex-wife is a really nice person but I was blind then. Your son may not understand now...but he will later, whether or not he accepts it, is 2 different issues...my papa forsake my mother and me for another women while i was still in her womb...do i hate him? No...do i want to acknowledge him...no too, but i sincerely wish the best for him, without me in his life.

[Five Stone]

recently i suspect that my husband is having an affair... funny wor... it do hurts me... is it that i get use to be with him liao... or bcos i really love him... or bcos of all the things that i've done for him make me feel this way...:(

Many a times love and responsibilities are blended and twisted together, unknowingly when you think that you had love but it is responsibility that binds two together or perhaps just another case of guilt ridden love. Nowadays love are always supersede with the reality of life. Being together is one thing, living together is another. ;)

[john99]

Once you made that fateful decision and signed on the dotted line, you are 'supposed' to commit a lifetime to yr partner forsaking all others.

Instead you find that some men forsake their wives in favour of other women. When they divorce their wives , they felt guilty about the baggage they left behind (children, hurt, etc..)

If you want to be a player, remain a player, don't get married and create problems for yr ex-wives and being an absentee father at best to children from this marriage.

Marriage is not a pre-requisite to a happy and fulfilling life, you can remain single and find deeper meaning running orphanage in Nepal or Laos. I have got friends who have done these and are trully happy as their 'adopted children' reciprocate in kind as well. Not the type of spoit brats you get from top elitist schools in Singapore....

[5ag1_Boar]

bro,

saw ur pm . really appreciate ur kind intention.
i will give it a try .. but not @ the moment coz my marriage hasn't come
the extreme rock.
and the ultimate problem lies with me.
i'm just tryin to get back my marriage life in line.
so for the moment , i'm just kinda of upset life is getting routine and boring,
which is the happiness that we are having it now.
and the problem lies with human, they always take things for granted.

-itr-, Marriage Encounter is not for marriages that has hit rock bottom. It is for Marriages that has gotten boring, and slipping slowly downwards. It is for exactly your situation where you are feeling that your marriage has become routine and boring, yet STILL somewhere in your heart you appreciate your wife enough to want to do something to make it better. To go for this program is one of the steps to help yourself NOW.

[5ag1_Boar]

I decided to post what I PM to -itr- because I think it will help a lot of marriages here.

Hi bro,

If you really want to make your marriage better, you can go for Marriage Encounter. It's meant for stable/stale marriages that want to make it better. It's also good for marriages that is slightly difficult.

It's a program run by a group under the Catholic Church, but there they take all religions. No attempt will be made to convert anyone.

Registration is only $50 per couple. Further donation is purely voluntary and anonymous.

Time investment is one complete weekend from Friday evening til Sunday evening, stay in. Do this before you have children, so you don't need arrange for babysitters.

After the course there are some weekly (for 12 weeks if I'm not wrong) followups (optional but strongly recommended) and they usually form support groups with the course batch which usually meet up monthly (also optional to participate).

The weekend itself will already teach you a lot. Most of it is guidance and learning new skills to affirm love in a marriage. After that it's up to you to continue using the new skills you learnt.

I truly believe that this program can help marriages, provided both parties are willing to work at it. What it gives you is tools and skills to work effectively on the marriage and get results, rather then blindly working on it and tikam tikam. Personally, it you are going to work on the marriage, do it right.

Hope you can succeed where I failed.

The link: http://web.singnet.com.sg/~mespore/

There is another program by an affiliated group called Retrouvaille for marriages on the verge of divorce. Similar structure.

One good thing is that both programmes are run by REAL couples who have real life experience and literally practice what they preach. Not some professionals who went thru the training, got the certificate, degree, etc but never really experience marriage boredom or failure.

Retrouvaille Singapore does not have it's own website, but you can get hold of them thru the international website: http://www.retrouvaille.org/ Local contacts can be found at: http://www.retrouvaille.org/weekends/weekends%20schedule_1.html

[surfer888]

I decided to post what I PM to -itr- because I think it will help a lot of marriages here.

There is another program by an affiliated group called Retrouvaille for marriages on the verge of divorce.

There's also Engage Encounter and it's good for people who have not lived together or have not spent enough time together before marriage. However, if you have cohabited for a while like me, it is almost useless. I went for that and am planning for either Marriage Encounter or Retrouvaille now... the difficult part is getting the wife to go. She insists that there is nothing wrong.

[5ag1_Boar]

There's also Engage Encounter and it's good for people who have not lived together or have not spent enough time together before marriage. However, if you have cohabited for a while like me, it is almost useless. I went for that and am planning for either Marriage Encounter or Retrouvaille now... the difficult part is getting the wife to go. She insists that there is nothing wrong.

For ME (not me, but Marriage Encounter), tell her it's not for fixing the marriage, but for enhancing the marriage. Ask her questions like, "Dear, do you want our marriage to be better then it is now?"

[optimus880]

marry a ger tat loves you more than u love her. to be loved is always better...

[The-One]

The person u married may not be the one u love the most, but if he/she willing to go thru thin and thick with u, he/she is definately the person u can turn to whenever u r down.

Anyway, hard chances of marrying the one u loved the most.... so please... 珍惜眼前人... Life is too short for regretting past deeds.

After reading your 15 steamy FRs, I have a question for you. Will you ever walk down the aisle and take the oath? Which guy will walk through the thick with you after reading those FRs? :rolleyes:

[primalhunter]

The thing is this.... can we ever quantify love? dun think so. so, if fate has brought 2 person together ie; relationship, marriage... do your utmost to be true to yourself and your partner. Love wholeheartedly. what was before, is no longer important. move on. if you heat a sticky patch, which i believe is the whole reason this thread started, the threadstarter having second thoughts or misgivings on how he ended up HERE? no point doing that. there must be a very good reason why you are with who you are now. what is that redeeming factor? if you really can't find it, maybe time to move on but always be true to yourself because lying to yourself won't bring you anywhere. JUST MY TWO CENTS WORTH......

[dirtymonk82]

man would often yield for things in which they cant get and often neglect what they already have. this is human nature, often greedy is the cause of many broken marriage

回首前尘路，好梦断成空

[JWNY]

the whole reason this thread started, the threadstarter having second thoughts or misgivings on how he ended up HERE? no point doing that. Absolutely not...the thread was started on a curiosity basis. It's not to question whether one has made right or wrong decisions...resentment will always be around, it's how one deals with it. If i really needed to redeem myself...i know which MRT station to jump ;)

Hope that is clarified :)

JWNY

[Thai Rak Thai]

take from somewhere for share :) The question "Why marry?? is indeed an important one to consider before you choose your future spouse. You may be especially curious to answer this question after reading some of articles that suggest that not many women of our class are likely to be lucky enough to marry for love, although this notion has become more popular as our century has progressed. It is indeed true that is it more difficult for women of our elevated social standing to marry for love than women of the middling sort, since our parents seek to maintain and increase the family wealth and social position. If we reminisce with our mothers and grandmothers about the primary reasons for marriage, they would answer with the same reasons that exist today. The only difference, in the early 1700s, most women did not marry for love. This is a trend that is just beginning to influence the beautiful gentlewomen like yourself. But we must remember that marrying simply for love and love alone does produce some practical difficulties. One is that - one has to live as well as love? In other words, what if you marry a respectable poor man because you are passionately in love with him, but you cannot afford to live comfortably and support your children? Another problem presented by this idea of marrying for love is: how are we supposed to know how to choose the right man? How do we know when we are really in love? I'm sure that this is a question that has crossed your mind at least once since you have entered the marriage market.
With this in mind, it is now appropriate to consider some other very attractive reasons to marry. These reasons will probably be read to you in some form at your own wedding service.

1) the procreation of children, to be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord, and praise of God.

2) A remedy to prevent sin, and to avoid fornication?

3) for the mutual society, help, and comfort, that the one ought to have for the other?

Let's consider each of these very good reasons in closer detail. Just think what a wonderful opportunity we could have as married women, to bear children, and raise them into the type of citizens that will further strengthen both England?s moral strength and economic prosperity. Another important reason to bear children in marriage is that they will carry on their father's prestigious name

Just as raising God-fearing children strengthens our nation's moral character, marriage itself is widely thought to have the ability to make our nation more morally sound, as it encourages men to avoid certain illicit sexual activities. To put this as discreetly as possible, it is perhaps most appropriate to consider this idea by examining the words of Richard Baxter from the very beginning of our century: ?it fareth with married men for the most part, as with those that at great charges wall in ground and plant, who cheaper might have eaten melons elsewhere than in their own garden's cucumber?

The third reason listed above is especially important to consider, as an alternative for marrying for passionate love alone. A very personally fulfilling union can be formed by a man and a woman that simply enjoy one another's company, and can provide comfort and support for one another through both the happy difficult times in life. God provided us with this model of companionate marriage in the story of Adam and Eve : "it is not good that man should be alone. I will make an help meet for him.

My fellow gentlewomen, keeping these reasons in mind, we can conclude with saying that while our emotional attachment to our future spouse is indeed important, we should consider the practical difficulties involved in such a union, and remember that a companionate marriage is at least as emotionally fulfilling than a marriage based on passionate love, and probably even more so. We need to look for a spouse that we can imagine ourselves living with in both psychological and material comfort. We must also remember that marriage is a necessity for us upper-class women. Without a proper marriage with which both sets of parents agree, your family relationship could suffer to some degree. Please take precaution as you enter marriage. Hopefully you can now begin to answer that important question: Why marry?, and can feel more relaxed and confident about choosing the spouse who is right for you

[giggz83]

education .. globalisation and modernization.

we are in a transition state .. where .. everything is evolving.

education .. so much for education, now everyone are educated and everyone are demanding for personal rights.

globalisation .. where east meets west .. north meets south .. foreigner know a bit of conservation and we asian know what freedom of love is all about.

modernization .. with advance technology theres nothing we cannot achieve .. you got online dating .. and you got friendster!! and hell, whats before all this? IRC .. ICQ .. hahaha...

too bad we are the guinea pigs in this transition state. but fear not. i believe love is still as pure as ever .. just get the basic right.

someday someone will come, just have to wait.

good luck, everyone

[dirtymonk82]

someday someone will come, just have to wait.


Some will spend their whole life waiting in vain..:(

[primalhunter]

Absolutely not...the thread was started on a curiosity basis. It's not to question whether one has made right or wrong decisions...resentment will always be around, it's how one deals with it. If i really needed to redeem myself...i know which MRT station to jump ;)

Hope that is clarified :)

JWNY

Well, I guess was wrong. My apologies.

[ChokDeeDee!]

Umm... I guess the gal i married is the one I loved the most so far. Ain't too old now so probably have much more experiences to gather in future. But as of now, YES :)

Just my few cents, a marriage cert dun mean anything. Its worthless. Nothing guarantees a lifetime of happiness, only the couple can make it happen.
Ever had a GF of six years, things ain't feeling too good, feeling goes stale. Unwilling to let go, until it finally ended and guess how I felt? RELEASED!!! Thank god it did which ended up with me finding my wifey ;)

[lucky low]

I married the woman I love most but after 10 years, we have gone our own ways. Now I believe the best is to marry some one that love you more than you love her.

[littlelephant]

I married the woman I love most but after 10 years, we have gone our own ways. Now I believe the best is to marry some one that love you more than you love her.
Point noted, maybe sometimes it's not who you end up with but who you have been with its the moments enjoyed the process that is memorable rather then the end of the day the results that matters.

It's better to have loved than to never have loved at all.:)

[littlelephant]

After reading your 15 steamy FRs, I have a question for you. Will you ever walk down the aisle and take the oath? Which guy will walk through the thick with you after reading those FRs? :rolleyes:

Dont worry too much, love is a wonderful thing it works in the most wonderful ways, it comes and goes when you least expects it.
But when you have it dont give it up, when you dont have it work harder.

[giggz83]

im really sadden by all these sad stories..

enough of reality world .. isnt there any fairy tales around? the happily ever after ending .. where the prince would live with the princess till forever?

my heart goes to the bro here ..

cheers!~ :)

[natsuki]

After reading your 15 steamy FRs, I have a question for you. Will you ever walk down the aisle and take the oath? Which guy will walk through the thick with you after reading those FRs? :rolleyes:


Dint notice that there is a reply... Well, even before i started coming in i already thinks that the one u married most likely wun be the one you love the most. Like my dad, he got my mum, divorced and find another one, then now he still got so many gfs outside... Who he actually love?

Well, i never ask to marry anyone. Infact i also believe those FRs wun give me a good marriage either. Thanks. For what i want is maybe not a good marriage, but together with the person i like. Learn to take care of myself better. However, i appreciate ur efforts in reading those FRs... Yeah, and i clearly aware of i don't deserve any love/marriage okay....

[5ag1_Boar]

Frankly, whether you marry the one you love most or not, to make it last the long run it takes hard work and commitment to make it work. Like it or not, people change over the years and we have to learn to love and support each other through the years.

[rengh73]

well I married whom I wanted to marry but then she turned into someone that I don't really want to marry. I now rather to be loved then to love someone more... hmm..:confused:


same situation her bro....n i am helpless. i duno what to do. is so different. i have alot of unhappiness but i duno how to put it to her....

[vesfreq]

im really sadden by all these sad stories..

enough of reality world .. isnt there any fairy tales around? the happily ever after ending .. where the prince would live with the princess till forever?

my heart goes to the bro here ..

cheers!~

There are no more fairy tales. Waking up each day is a nightmare .... bad enough. Knowing that these nightmares run in series makes it worse.

A nightmare that we can't wake up from is certainly a very bad dream. Can't wait to wake up, even if there are no fairy tales to witness or experience. :rolleyes:

[lucky low]

Point noted, maybe sometimes it's not who you end up with but who you have been with its the moments enjoyed the process that is memorable rather then the end of the day the results that matters.

It's better to have loved than to never have loved at all.:)

hi bro, yes you are right that you have to enjoy the process. If results don't matter to you, then don't get married.

There is a chinese saying:
"to love someone is hard (xin ku)
to be love is happiness (xin fu)
to love fall in love is a blessing"

God bless those that fall in love, Amen!!

[surfer888]

Point noted, maybe sometimes it's not who you end up with but who you have been with its the moments enjoyed the process that is memorable rather then the end of the day the results that matters.

It's better to have loved than to never have loved at all.:)

That's what I keep telling myself after not marrying the person I love the most but someone whom I thought was better for me.

Marrying the person you love the most may not be the best thing. I still meet up with the person I love the most (that I did not marry) and still get hurt by her frequently. Given the choice again, I still would not marry her as I love her too much and get hurt too easily by her.

[JWNY]

Marrying the person you love the most may not be the best thing. I still meet up with the person I love the most (that I did not marry) and still get hurt by her frequently. Given the choice again, I still would not marry her as I love her too much and get hurt too easily by her. That was very insightful...it seems that the one we love most, hurts us the worst too...

JWNY

[primalhunter]

That was very insightful...it seems that the one we love most, hurts us the worst too...

JWNY


So so true......Really hurts when we fight! But I always remind myself and also my wife that in order to love someone, we must take the good and the bad. When one of us step out of line, I tell myself that, this is just the way she is, or vice versa. To remember that we are our each others best friend, confidant and most importantly LOVER. I always joke with my wife that what separates our relationship with our relationship with our other best friends is that I m only SCREWING her and not them. What i really meant was the intimacy we share between us. Fear of hurt shoud never divide a couple.:rolleyes:

[primalhunter]

oh ya, forgot to say, my wife is the woman i love most but I don't think that i am the man she loves most in her life. I knew the guy. But like i said b4, move on, dun look back. especially when she has given me a beautiful son and so devoted to our family now. who am i to question her love for me. no point. we will never be able to quantify love. :p

[Thai Rak Thai]

As usual..take from somewhere else :o ...but intention same loh..to share :p

Marry for yourself, not for someone else.

Elementary, my dear Watson.

Surely we have grown beyond marrying to please our parents or our friends. Yet in first marriages, people often marry to please their parents or friends. They marry the person they love the most who also pleases their family and friends.

In second marriages, people are often concerned with pleasing their children (even their grown children) instead of their family and friends.

But you are the one living with the new partner, not your children. Even young children will leave home and start their own lives eventually. And grown children usually get over it!

This doesn't mean you should not listen to your children. They may see things that you, that person in lust at the time, are missing.

Hear them out. Thoroughly investigate their concerns.

Then follow your own heart.

Marriage: Romantic love is blinded by infatuation or chemistry. It ends when anticipations become expectations. Chemistry fuels romantic love and infatuation with actual chemicals in our brains. Infatuation is a chemical high!

Will the real marriage please stand up?

Anyone who thinks that marriage is composed of magic, bliss, and excitement is headed for disappointment. Those marriages and relationships only exist in romance novels, movies or television, wild promises on the internet, and personal ads.

In real life, marriage is about reciprocity and power.

Reciprocity

The husband gets what he wants in the marriage by giving his wife what she wants.

The wife gets what she wants in the marriage by giving her husband what he wants.

Neither husband nor wife ever gets 100% of what he/she wants in any marriage.

Marriage partners provide mutual support and help each other with mundane problems. They compliment each other and both contribute to the marriage, often by compromise.

The couple may dance by candlelight but it is after the dishes are washed, the lawn is mowed, and their day-to-day problems are solved.

Fantasy marriages take place with perpetual romance in the moonlight. Real marriages take place in the everyday world. They are never so glamorous.

Romantic love always ends in a power struggle within the marriage. All couples go from romantic love to a less infatuated stage that heralds the onset of that struggle.

Romantic love can last a few weeks or even a few years, but, eventually lust or romantic love will begin to wane...

No marriage can avoid the power struggle as the couple decides who takes out the garbage, who washes the car, who balances the checkbook, who walks the dog, etc. This power struggle can continue for years as the lives of the couple pass through various phases.

Package

Everyone is a package deal: kind of like the "Blue Plate Special." When you marry, you acquire a package: some good, some bad, some wonderful, some horrible. As long as the good outweighs the bad, there is little to no horrible, and reciprocity and compromise rule the marriage, that is a good-enough marriage for most people.

When you want a fantasy, you dream up a prince or princess, all wonderful. No person or relationship can live up to that dream.

So, the truth is, marriages are not made in heaven; marriages are made by two committed people right here on earth.

[onlee69]

Thai rak Thai , dont quote the whole post, wait kana zap by the boss, btw i just got married 3 week ago just back from honeymoon, i'm lucky i married the 1 i love the most but sometime still steal eat outside once in the blue moon, a cheongters always a cheongters.:D

[surfer888]

Everyone is a package deal: kind of like the "Blue Plate Special." When you marry, you acquire a package: some good, some bad, some wonderful, some horrible. As long as the good outweighs the bad, there is little to no horrible, and reciprocity and compromise rule the marriage, that is a good-enough marriage for most people.


Perfect Quote! Perfect Sense!

It is a package deal. Just that I took the deal that had less romantic love and therefore sacrificed the one I loved the most.

The package with my current wife was more feasible at that time. Still is the most feasible now... no sex now but at least I have my kid.

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

There are no more fairy tales. Waking up each day is a nightmare .... bad enough. Knowing that these nightmares run in series makes it worse.

A nightmare that we can't wake up from is certainly a very bad dream. Can't wait to wake up, even if there are no fairy tales to witness or experience. :rolleyes:

we have to wake up and life still carries on,even if we know the fact fairy tales do not exist.Perhaps it is the fact that some do believe in miracles & "Fate" which happens to be beyond our control.I always believe in not expecting too much cos it will only lead to much more disappointment.:)

[asdfghjkl]

my wife is the woman i love most

lucky man i must say! :p

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

The package with my current wife was more feasible at that time. Still is the most feasible now... no sex now but at least I have my kid.

what matters most is the feasibility is still there.I was reading ur posts and chanced upon ur signature,will up u with my humble points once my power is regained.:)

[primalhunter]

lucky man i must say! :p

Thanks bro. It took me ten years, (sitting on the sidelines) to convince her that i trully love her. Was really an all out womanizer before. She once said that the whole reason i m still hovering over her was because she was the one that i could never get!!! Man, i mend my ways from then and well, the rest is history.... do u know that right after the first time we made love.... she said to me that i could get over her now and go back to my old ways!!! wow, that was trully a reflection of wat a jerkoff i used to be. Alas, its coming to over 5th yr of marriage (can't say it is smooth sailing) and she blessed me with a wonderful boy. Looking back, it was a tough 10 yrs but worth every second of it.:)

[asdfghjkl]

nice to hear that.. prima! then when you discover her love for that one... :o

[primalhunter]

nice to hear that.. prima! then when you discover her love for that one... :o

It is history. The guy was a good fren of mine she was pining for secretly. They were together briefly secretly as the guy has a steady. She stopped seeing him after he chose to stay with his steady. All the time i knew he was playing her but could not do anything cos i was this asshole of a guy to her that she wouldn't trust if her life depends on it.

My fren, well, i had a tiff with him after that bcos he was equally a bastard as me, knew her weakness for him and took advantage of her. We are no longer frens as he knows very well how i feel about her.... and u know all the time i was pining for her, he had the cheek to tell me to not give up!!! All the 10 years!! then do this behind my back!!! ASSHOLE!:eek:

[surfer888]

what matters most is the feasibility is still there.I was reading ur posts and chanced upon ur signature,will up u with my humble points once my power is regained.:)

It can be quite sad at times when I think of the one whom I love the most. She still comes to SG once in a while and we do have our rendezvous but she still breaks my heart after almost 10 years.

One of the main reasons I did not marry her was that it was not feasible, too high maintenance and her love for me is probably just a small fraction of what I have for her. It would probably kill me if we were married.

Upped you in advance for the consolation.

[primalhunter]

sorry to hear that bro surfer.... but u are right, unless u can accept that her love is not anywhere near to how u love her.... would be tough. took me a while to accept that. but curious enough, some women tend to grow or cultivate love for their partners along the way better than guys.

most guys, i find, start to get disinterested or move on to more important functions like putting food on the table and paying the bills etc.( i am one of them) so, who knows, maybe she is the one although i put a full stop on high maintenance women, be it money or time!!! too much pain, to the heart and the wallet!!:D

[curiosityz]

That was very insightful...it seems that the one we love most, hurts us the worst too...

JWNY

totally agree with you, bro.

[cummie]

It is history. The guy was a good fren of mine she was pining for secretly. They were together briefly secretly as the guy has a steady. She stopped seeing him after he chose to stay with his steady. All the time i knew he was playing her but could not do anything cos i was this asshole of a guy to her that she wouldn't trust if her life depends on it.

My fren, well, i had a tiff with him after that bcos he was equally a bastard as me, knew her weakness for him and took advantage of her. We are no longer frens as he knows very well how i feel about her.... and u know all the time i was pining for her, he had the cheek to tell me to not give up!!! All the 10 years!! then do this behind my back!!! ASSHOLE!:eek:

hey sry let me get this right.. so u wooed ur wife for 10 yrs b4 settling down huh??

[JWNY]

maybe she is the one although i put a full stop on high maintenance women, be it money or time!!! too much pain, to the heart and the wallet!!:D Fully agree...but then again, if can afford it...*sigh* ~ another Pandora Box...:D

JWNY

[primalhunter]

Fully agree...but then again, if can afford it...*sigh* ~ another Pandora Box...:D

JWNY

Hahaha... Pandora Box, more like Shit Hole to me!!!:D look at Kenny Bee....

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

It can be quite sad at times when I think of the one whom I love the most. She still comes to SG once in a while and we do have our rendezvous but she still breaks my heart after almost 10 years.

One of the main reasons I did not marry her was that it was not feasible, too high maintenance and her love for me is probably just a small fraction of what I have for her. It would probably kill me if we were married.

Upped you in advance for the consolation.

so long u truely understand the fact that life still moves on,i am happy for u bro.As the saying goes,go for the short pain rather than long pain.it will go easier on urself in the long run,and thks for ur pts,will return favour once i can.:)

[surfer888]

Hahaha... Pandora Box, more like Shit Hole to me!!!:D look at Kenny Bee....

But sometimes its not the money. even if you have loads of money, it's still difficult to maintain her... time, attention, etc.

[JWNY]

But sometimes its not the money. even if you have loads of money, it's still difficult to maintain her... time, attention, etc. Agree..once i was in a relationship where money was never a problem...at first it was fun, but when no love was fostered...even 10-carat diamond rings can't salvage the relationship :o

JWNY

[Consequences]

It would be ideal if both love each other as much as possible.

[surfer888]

It would be ideal if both love each other as much as possible.

That would only be possible in Mills & Boon, Fairy Tales and Asylums.

[surfer888]

Agree..once i was in a relationship where money was never a problem...at first it was fun, but when no love was fostered...even 10-carat diamond rings can't salvage the relationship :o

JWNY

Mine was 90% my love, 0-10% her love.

I felt that she was toying with me so much that I had to force myself to look another way and marry someone else.

Eg. She made me buy an Air Ticket in the afternoon to meet late at night in another country which I did. Then, she called me 2 hours before the flight and told me that she didn't want to meet me but would be going with her friend instead.

What was worse was that she did this a number of times and every time, I would fall for it. I knew it was going to happen but that small spark of hope was enough to keep me going.

[primalhunter]

hey sry let me get this right.. so u wooed ur wife for 10 yrs b4 settling down huh??

Not really woo. She knows how i feel about her but she don't trust my intentions. So i kept on the sidelines for that entire time.... but its not like i went celibate. i had my fair share of relationships( stewardess, architect, lounge singer, lawyer, secretary, clerk, club GRO's, tiraks, and a short fling with a part time pros, most dun last a year) but always with an eye on how she is. Ready for her anytime she needs me. But that sort of track record, u could imagine why she dun trust me.

But I could never shake her off my mind. I had an ex who was so fed up with me because she knew about her. I actually drove cross country on my ex's birthday to console her(she broke up with her then bf and was very sad). My ex packed up and leave the same night.... sigh.

Do you believe in love at first sight! I tell u, believe it or not, the first time i met her, i knew she was goona be my wife! serious!!! that was 15years ago. and here we are. :cool:

[primalhunter]

Mine was 90% my love, 0-10% her love.

I felt that she was toying with me so much that I had to force myself to look another way and marry someone else.

Eg. She made me buy an Air Ticket in the afternoon to meet late at night in another country which I did. Then, she called me 2 hours before the flight and told me that she didn't want to meet me but would be going with her friend instead.

What was worse was that she did this a number of times and every time, I would fall for it. I knew it was going to happen but that small spark of hope was enough to keep me going.

Looks like we have something in common!! Yeah, I felt liek she was playing me too then!!! ANd yup, that little glimmer of hope, same here. But i sat her down once, told her I had enough of being on the sidelines, I don't wanna be the LIFE JACKET everytime u get hurt(because she always come to me when she is sad or when she breaks up with her ex). I laid down the gauntlet, I said I am ready to embrace her fully, gave her dateline to think over it and call me when she is ready..... very businesslike, i know... but i was at my wits end then and i was prepared to walk away.... trully walk away.

[JWNY]

What do you think we'll be doing in thirty or forty years?

If your future spouse can't answer this or won't answer this, then the two of you need to talk about long-lasting marriage expectations.

Why marry someone who doesn't think your marriage will last?

JWNY

[steamystreamsg]

In most cases, the one you marry may not necessary be the one you love most....love can't be used as bread

[asdfghjkl]

i find it is much easier to get an orgasm when on bed with someone you like? :rolleyes:

[JWNY]

how many brothers actually make love wif the one they love most.. too long...i can't remember...:o

JWNY

[surfer888]

I laid down the gauntlet, I said I am ready to embrace her fully, gave her dateline to think over it and call me when she is ready..... very businesslike, i know... but i was at my wits end then and i was prepared to walk away.... trully walk away.

Been there, did that but unfortunately found it too difficult to walk away completely. I'm still trying to walk away as far as I can.

[surfer888]

Do you believe in love at first sight! I tell u, believe it or not, the first time i met her, i knew she was goona be my wife! serious!!! that was 15years ago. and here we are. :cool:

I believe in love at first sight. Happened to me only once and it was the one I love the most.

I married someone else but till this day still love the one I loved at first sight more.

[surfer888]

Why marry someone who doesn't think your marriage will last?

JWNY


Yup. That's what I thought about thus leading me not to marry the one I love most.

[JWNY]

Yup. That's what I thought about thus leading me not to marry the one I love most. Do WE, men, think a lot? :p

JWNY

[surfer888]

In most cases, the one you marry may not necessary be the one you love most....love can't be used as bread

Totally agree. Love is blind but Marriage should not be. The very words my mum advised me on when I went to her with my predicament.

Upped you for hitting bullseye!

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

Ai qing bu neng dang fan chi~love at 1st sight,used to believe it but not now liao.:(

[linnaohia1]

Haha I hv a lot of LAFS, but then hor, not mutual ....
Maybe fark at first sight quality lor ... lil bro control thinking ....
For marriage, most impt must be mutual .... give and take is a must.
For guys, always recommend that you always admit wrong (whether u right or wrong) ... sooner or later chabor will realised she unreasonable .... heheh

[primalhunter]

Been there, did that but unfortunately found it too difficult to walk away completely. I'm still trying to walk away as far as I can.

Sigh, I feel your pain bro. If there is any comfort, it was not all smooth sailing when i got my dreamgirl. There were a lot of quarrels, like any couple, mixed into the happy times. more importantly, having to forget about her episode with my ex buddy(was mad she chose him over me, but that's over now, important thing is the future!), and grappling with the fact that she love u less then u love her, but, like i said.. can't quantify love and also as we go, i find that the love situation has improved, even reversed. not saying i dun love her anymore but her love for me more and more and that made things much easier form then. but bro, it was really tough initially.......

bro, one piece of advice, you need to give ur future relationships a fighting chance, and as long as u are looking back, thinking about THAT ger, u will never move on.... n it won't be fair to ur new love.

[GLHunter]

Mine was 90% my love, 0-10% her love.

I felt that she was toying with me so much that I had to force myself to look another way and marry someone else.

Eg. She made me buy an Air Ticket in the afternoon to meet late at night in another country which I did. Then, she called me 2 hours before the flight and told me that she didn't want to meet me but would be going with her friend instead.

What was worse was that she did this a number of times and every time, I would fall for it. I knew it was going to happen but that small spark of hope was enough to keep me going.

Well, very commonly faithful man are just taken for granted/ as a resource/ a concseller/ a shoulder to cry on, etc. those bitches like to keep the whole relationship (be it best frd/ BGR) alive simply for them to enjoy the attention & privileges.

i have my fair share of heartbreaking events, & i break off from it completely(though i took years to wake up my fucking idea), but never look back since. so now, even though they turn back & seek my attention & friendship, they are just hi bye frd to me & their terrible deeds make them worse than strangers. I believed many bros in this thread learned thru the hard way that it doesn't pay to be a faithful/ loyal person if the other end doesn't appreciate it. So when a relationship dun work out, just let go & move on, we dun need painful memories to chew on when we are old. the ultimate happiness will be to find someone who cherish/ care for you.

those ppl that we tot we loved the most is probably the ones that left us with the most happy memories. well, its over now & we can always create better memories with the current one. :)

[JWNY]

(though i took years to wake up my fucking idea) Waking up is most important bro...many cannot :)

JWNY

[jonah11]

I read this post with interest.

Just like to enquire bros here. Whenever you are with your gf, do you have this sort of feeling that other gals beside you or female people are much better than your gf? It can looks, character etc.

I have this sort of feeling in both my previous and current relationships.

My ex gf was v beautiful but she was emotionally unstable and our relationship could not last.

My current one takes care of me when I am down and sick. But somehow I got a feeling that she is those who looks up on the better things of life, ie have a better car, carve out a better career etc.

Any experienced bros who can advise me? Thanks!

[titan524]

Hi Bro Sagiboar,

Can't help but relate to your story, because i am about to make a decision that could end up like yours.

I am closing in on mid 30's, have a successful career and after married for 9 years, now with 2 young kids, I can't help but feel i can't go on with my wife. She's a great wife, and mother to our 2 kids but i cant see how we can be together in 10-20 years time.

The problem is me, last year i almost had an affair but stopped short just before it crossed the line. This year i got involved with a younger ger (23 years old) from Beijing whom i am contemplating spending the rest of my life with.

I did tried maintaining this marriage, and like one bro says learn to love the woman you married - but wonder if it's possible to 'sacrifice my personal happiness' and be unhappy for the next 10-20 years until EOL or be selfish and go for the one i really feel for?

Contemplating moving on but as usual worried about the fallout if i proceed with the divorce, the cost (50% i read somewhere), the alimony, the effects on the two kids. I still want a part in my 2 boys life. Am i asking for too much?

This is probably a decision that can make or break the rest of my life. Are you still on ok terms with your ex and get access to your kids?



itr,

I left my wife for another. While I don't regret being with my current gf, I do regret screwing up my marriage and my son's life. My ex-wife is a really nice person but I was blind then. As one bro said earlier... learn to love most the woman you married.

[Deztruct]

Been there, did that but unfortunately found it too difficult to walk away completely. I'm still trying to walk away as far as I can.

if u decide to walk away..dun ever look back..u may find urself thinkin tat its juz this once tat u chose to b weak and think abt her..in the end..tat one time will lead to many more times and in the end..u find urself back to the same old shit again..

be strong for ur happiness :)

[Deztruct]

Do WE, men, think a lot? :p

JWNY

we think too much, too often..sometimes by thinkin too much..we end up losing our chance

[curiosityz]

we think too much, too often..sometimes by thinkin too much..we end up losing our chance

totally agree with you bro.

[jinrenhe]

they are just hi bye frd to me & their terrible deeds make them worse than strangers. I believed many bros in this thread learned thru the hard way that it doesn't pay to be a faithful/ loyal person if the other end doesn't appreciate it. So when a relationship dun work out, just let go & move on, we dun need painful memories to chew on when we are old. the ultimate happiness will be to find someone who cherish/ care for you.
those ppl that we tot we loved the most is probably the ones that left us with the most happy memories. well, its over now & we can always create better memories with the current one. :)

well said bro... could tell from ur words that u must had went thru some emotional upheavals to feel this way today

share ur sentiments that our ultimate happiness lies in finding someone that love & care for u back. Love requires effort & sacrifices from two people who cherish each other; so it rely hurts when u realized the person u love does not love as much...

today, i no longer believe in sacrificing & waiting by the side, hoping that the person would one day realized how much u've done & then fall in love with u.. the reality, more often than not, her heart is with someone she can't get whilst she saddle u with her woes & agony..

I just wish more people (esp. all the basically nice, simple guys who were like me last time haha) would be enlightened

[dirtymonk82]

well said bro... could tell from ur words that u must had went thru some emotional upheavals to feel this way today

share ur sentiments that our ultimate happiness lies in finding someone that love & care for u back. Love requires effort & sacrifices from two people who cherish each other; so it rely hurts when u realized the person u love does not love as much...

today, i no longer believe in sacrificing & waiting by the side, hoping that the person would one day realized how much u've done & then fall in love with u.. the reality, more often than not, her heart is with someone she can't get whilst she saddle u with her woes & agony..

I just wish more people (esp. all the basically nice, simple guys who were like me last time haha) would be enlightened

Well said bro. I have been thru quite a few relationship this year and 1 thing which I discover is that the one whom i love would choose to leave me and those whom love me i choose to hurt them, play them and leave them. Been thru 2 heartaches this year and sometime life really seem so meaningless.

[5ag1_Boar]

Hi Bro Sagiboar,

Can't help but relate to your story, because i am about to make a decision that could end up like yours.

I am closing in on mid 30's, have a successful career and after married for 9 years, now with 2 young kids, I can't help but feel i can't go on with my wife. She's a great wife, and mother to our 2 kids but i cant see how we can be together in 10-20 years time.

The problem is me, last year i almost had an affair but stopped short just before it crossed the line. This year i got involved with a younger ger (23 years old) from Beijing whom i am contemplating spending the rest of my life with.

I did tried maintaining this marriage, and like one bro says learn to love the woman you married - but wonder if it's possible to 'sacrifice my personal happiness' and be unhappy for the next 10-20 years until EOL or be selfish and go for the one i really feel for?

Contemplating moving on but as usual worried about the fallout if i proceed with the divorce, the cost (50% i read somewhere), the alimony, the effects on the two kids. I still want a part in my 2 boys life. Am i asking for too much?

This is probably a decision that can make or break the rest of my life. Are you still on ok terms with your ex and get access to your kids?

My ex-wife believes that my son should have a good relationship with his dad (i.e. me), so I get better access to my son then most divorcees. We also communicate regularly with each other regarding his upbringing, discipline, etc. Ironically, it's my current gf that is unhappy that I am so involved in my son's life.

OTOH, I've heard of my friend's friend's case. His ex-wife tells their children to call him 'uncle'. I don't know the other details, but from that I think we can guess how bad it can get for him.

I cheated on my wife. He simply worked too hard to provide for the family. My ex-wife has a much better reason to be cut me off completely then his did. You can see it all depends on your relationship with the ex and her character and view on life and parenthood, etc.

How assets are split, alimony, child maintenance, depends a lot on your ex too. The saying 'Hell hath no fury like a women scorned' is NOT without basis. If she feels very betrayed, and very hurt, good luck to you. If she also feels the marriage is gone and she also wants out, then it may be easier.

An ugly divorce and fighting parents can weigh heavily on the children. That's why in my case, ex-wife and me tried to keep things calm and simple. Even then, there were lots of tears and shouting at times. Even now, while we try to remain friends, and I believe we would for the long run, there are occasions where we still exchange strong words.

Having done what I did, I would ask you, what is 'personal happiness'? Why are you unhappy with your marriage or your wife? Do you think things can be changed so that you can be happy again?

Ask yourself, what will the impact be on your children? The answer to this made me hold on to my marriage for far longer than I would have if I did not have my son. Not only that, it gave me some resovle to try to fix the marriage for his sake.

Also, if you really want to give your marriage a try again, you have to stop seeing your gf. I went thru one year trying to fix things with my wife, while still seeing my gf. I think it was a huge mistake. The feelings for my gf simply kept tempting me away or make me dislike my ex-wife more.

Alos, whats to say that your relationship and maybe eventually your marriage to your new gf will last? What if it goes sour again? Or too platonic? Or boring? The feeling of passion, or so called 'romantic' love last at most 2 years according to clinical experts in this field. In my opinion, it's mostly true. In some cases, it can last forever (like my first-gf), but near the 2 year point is where you stop letting this feeling overcome your differences. And when that happens, no matter how much you 'love' each other, if the differences are too great, that love cannot keep you together.

Who will be the one that you KNOW who will go through thick and thin with you? The one who will not only stand by your side to weather all kinds of external troubles (e.g. job stress, lost of loved ones, lost of jobs, wayward children, etc) but also stand by your side in times of marital trouble and say, "let's work on this together."

Consider the marriage programs that I listed in one of my replies in this thread. If you feel you cannot get through to your wife now, get her to go to one of them. During the intial weekend of the program, there are many opportunities for both parties to explore the marriage and communicate in a way you never have before. I dare say, in the case of Retrouvaille, it's could be a make or break weekend.

[natsuki]

Don't need think too much lah...

Live with what u have and treasure it.
Learn to accept the fate, not satisfy with what 'fate' gave u?
Change it, if u have the capability of doing so... :p

[GLHunter]

Well said bro. I have been thru quite a few relationship this year and 1 thing which I discover is that the one whom i love would choose to leave me and those whom love me i choose to hurt them, play them and leave them. Been thru 2 heartaches this year and sometime life really seem so meaningless.

Bro, why hurt ppl when u have been hurt before?
live & let live.. :o

[OceanEleven]

Hi Bro Sagiboar,

I am closing in on mid 30's, have a successful career and after married for 9 years, now with 2 young kids, I can't help but feel i can't go on with my wife. She's a great wife, and mother to our 2 kids but i cant see how we can be together in 10-20 years time.

The problem is me, last year i almost had an affair but stopped short just before it crossed the line. This year i got involved with a younger ger (23 years old) from Beijing whom i am contemplating spending the rest of my life with.

This is probably a decision that can make or break the rest of my life. Are you still on ok terms with your ex and get access to your kids?

Bro, I have no qualms about couples doing divorce but then to divorce due to a change of heart is a little bit difficult to swallow. Afterall she did give you her glorious years and 2 wonderful kids. If a woman can swallow her pride and dignity for the family and kids, I see no reason why a man cannot. Think about it, you commit yourself to her while she sacrificing many other matters to be with your, toll and toil with you all these years then you wanna call it quits, moreover you wanna have a share of the kids as well. What makes you think that you are doing the right thing?

You yourself agree that she’s a great wife but just simply cant see how you can be together for the rest of your life, so what’s this glorious rationale that can dislodge a sacred marriage? Does it make sense in the first place? Why be with her in the first place? Things will not change for you if you don’t change, even if you get your chance to be with the Beijing girl. What make you think that you will have a happy ending with her? Cast away the fact that she’s a foreigner and 10 years plus your junior, with you being so fickle minded and so lustful, I don’t you will last with her. Remember, just a year before the Beijing girl, you almost got involved with another girl.

Walk away perhaps is a better option, walk away from all the temptations and never let yourself succumb to the lust and desire surrounding you. Never be enticed by what you can see now but think of the future. Love is not for now nor tomorrow but for the many many years to come as long as you continue to draw air into your lungs.
:cool:

[Malaysian Datuk]

we think too much, too often..sometimes by thinkin too much..we end up losing our chanceBut if we dun think....more often we end up losing much more than just a chance....
Just 'discovered' this thread.....will read all the posts before posting again:)

[primalhunter]

I totally agree with you bro Ocean. I said the same thing to my cousin who divorced his wife recently. This after bringing her and their child around the world for the most of their 7 yr marriage and finally ending up in the US. My cousin, he is a dreamer. Now he dreams of Europe, and his wife, sorry, ex, is not in his plan. Gave up the rights to their daughter and is now with an American girl 8 yrs his junior.

I asked him where is his sense of responsibility, to which he answered, Life's too short. You have got to do what makes u happy. :eek:

I guess we humans(man and woman) are most capable of being selfish. You can continue to criticize but there will always be ppl who think of their self first. :(

[iamsodamsianz]

life is short u got to do what keeps u happy

usually people who says such word are just trying to hide their irresponsibility towards the feelings of others

whenever i meet such girls i will tend to avoid them or go in for the fuck only :D

[john99]

Easier to move about and change partners whne you are young , dashing and able. However things will come home to roost eventually as you will eventually run out of money or time.

The irony is that I know of "absentee fathers" who are not even invited to their own children's wedding; that is the ultimate insult to you as a parent : a complete failure. When you are old and grey , you will rue over yr mistakes particularly with children, if you are not there for them when they need you, I don;t see why they should be there for you!

That's why retirement villages will be big business in Singapore soon...

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

interesting thread for all bros here to pour out their life experiences and point of views.:)

[JWNY]

Just like to enquire bros here. Whenever you are with your gf, do you have this sort of feeling that other gals beside you or female people are much better than your gf? It can looks, character etc. For me personally, i try not to compare as there is no end to comparison. There will always be 2 sides to a coin...there will always be 2 outcomes. Sometimes, we get the "worse off" side of the coin because of our decisions. I always think there would be no one better than my gf, because if i thought otherwise...i would be conceding an avenue for her to make mistakes, even before she is my wife ;)

JWNY

[GLHunter]

That's why retirement villages will be big business in Singapore soon...[/QUOTE]

another alternative to get rich other than doing charities business,
earning more peanuts. uniquely singapore. :D

[Deztruct]

Bro, why hurt ppl when u have been hurt before?
live & let live.. :o

bro..u r rite..2 wrong doesnt make a rite..in life..its fated tat u hurt some and fated u get hurt some...once we understand this, mayb our life will be beta

[Deztruct]

But if we dun think....more often we end up losing much more than just a chance....
Just 'discovered' this thread.....will read all the posts before posting again:)

sometimes..juz sometimes..we need to think with our heart and not our brain..its hard but sometimes things are juz this way

[JWNY]

I guess we humans(man and woman) are most capable of being selfish. You can continue to criticize but there will always be ppl who think of their self first. :( So it's the theory of "nice guys finish last" ? ;)

JWNY

[OceanEleven]

I always think there would be no one better than my gf, because if i thought otherwise...i would be conceding an avenue for her to make mistakes, even before she is my wife ;)

JWNY
The poignant side of life is that many wouldn’t even bat their eyelids when it comes to infidelity; perhaps it is the way of life and the much-anticipated influx of western culture that warped the fact that certain morals are still worth withstanding.

Looking around there are many battling with the idea of “moving on” with life with rational such as unable to be with the spouse even though no misdeed is done. Feelings and emotions are cast aside with even lesser room for a breather and remembering the good old days. Move on is what everyone is talking about here but the question is moving on to where?

Intellectually equipped but ethically deficit boggles the mind of many here. Even a simple task such as earning a living can be twisted by people into an exchange for a laid. What has the world comes to? Looking back, does the self proclaim more superior sexes have to succumb to such deceitful methods to get in one’s pants? Ironically yet many still thrive at such ideas with much aplomb. Where has the many years of moral education gone?

Many have yet to establish a foothold on current relationship and yet already set foot on yet another “expedition” seeking for cheap thrills, self declaring “Life’s short, one gotta do what makes you happy.” Perhaps when the day when one falls prey to such circumstances then it will be “Life’s short, what you do now will come back to haunt you soon.” :cool:

[randyboy73]

The poignant side of life is that many wouldn’t even bat their eyelids when it comes to infidelity; perhaps it is the way of life and the much-anticipated influx of western culture that warped the fact that certain morals are still worth withstanding.

Looking around there are many battling with the idea of “moving on” with life with rational such as unable to be with the spouse even though no misdeed is done. Feelings and emotions are cast aside with even lesser room for a breather and remembering the good old days. Move on is what everyone is talking about here but the question is moving on to where? .....” :cool:

Crossroads.... i know it is considered cliche, but the saying of "the grass is greener on the other side" does hold true to a great extent.

When i was dating my current wife 10 years ago, I always felt that I was giving out more than her, putting up with her possesive ways and foul temperament. So much so, that I eventually started seeking solace in flirting with my lady customers... the point is that I found almost any eligible gal to be better than my wife. I tried breaking off with her on so many occassions and each time she threatened to end her life... Looking back, I am not sure my retraction of the breakups was due to cowardice or the fact that I actually did feel something for her. Anyway, 4 years into the relationship, I proposed another breakup, this time, things got so bad that she almost jumped in front of the bus.. IMHO she seemed so hysterical.. anyway, to make up for it, I stupidly agreed to ROM (our HDB flat was on the way oredi)... We had avery nice wedding the next year and eventually tried to work out our marriage life... nice at first, but problems such as jealousy, working commitments and loneliness started to creep in. Things got bad.. I was accused of neglecting her due to my hectic and long working hours. Eventually I had the feeling she was seeing somebody behind my back... when I confronted her about my suspicions and some of the lies that she had told me (the usual thing about who she was with, where she had been etc), she refused to admit... that was also the time I reverted to my old playing ways and started finding "kangtao" out there... eventually, I met tis PRC gal (2 yrs later) who made me feel good.. this PRC gal is actually older than me but looks reali great and was superb in bed... sorry for digressing, I quarelled with my wife constantly and eventually moved out to stay with my PRC galfriend.... during this time, I tried to initiate a divorce, but my wife would not hear of it... I left her in the empty house every night to go back to my girlfirend's house, thinking that my wife would eventually give up and acede to my demands. this lasted for almost 8 months... Anyway, to cut the long story short, some incidents happened along the way which resulted in me coming to my senses that me and my PRC gal would not work out.. constrasting character, differing moral values, opposite goals in life and lastly totally different lifestyles... we eventually split up and I moved home...

It has been almost half a year since I have moved back home... I still feel guilty at leaving my wife alone for that whole 8 months.. but when I was in the relationship with my PRC gal, all I could think of was to divorce my wife to be with my gf and that I would eventually marry her.... On hindsight, I am glad that my relationship with my gf did not work out... cause the entire incident has changed my wife. She is now tolerant, stops losing her temper at me and more importantly, she reinforced her love for me and mine to her (Stand By your Man.... sung by tammy winnette).... In short, the woman i thought I was forced to marry (due to my cowardice), was the woman that loved me the most. The woman I thought I loved the most (my prc gf), turned out to be the woman I thought I could not live without... guess I was wrong on the latter though, as I can safely say that my wife is actually the one that i love the most and not that I cannot live without, but the one that I will never want to live without....

to my brothers and sisters out there.. the grass is always greener on the other side. fate plays a strange game and sometimes, you never know it is over till the fat lady sings...... so especially to the bros out there who are tempted to leave their marriages, don be too hasty... the wife is never always the wrong choice.... BTW, i have known my wife (dating and married)for 11 years and for the first time, i can safely say that I have never been happier.. good luck to all of you out there!

[ChinaAlleWay]

Crossroads.... i know it is considered cliche, but the saying of "the grass is greener on the other side" does hold true to a great extent.

to my brothers and sisters out there.. the grass is always greener on the other side. fate plays a strange game and sometimes, you never know it is over till the fat lady sings...... so especially to the bros out there who are tempted to leave their marriages, don be too hasty... the wife is never always the wrong choice.... BTW, i have known my wife (dating and married)for 11 years and for the first time, i can safely say that I have never been happier.. good luck to all of you out there!


:)
the one that i love the most and not that I cannot live without, but the one that I will never want to live without....
Very nice qoute.. =)
chinaalleway

[primalhunter]

So it's the theory of "nice guys finish last" ? ;)

JWNY

Pretty much bro. We should actually say " nice guys/gals finish last" ;)

[randyboy73]

:)
the one that i love the most and not that I cannot live without, but the one that I will never want to live without....
Very nice qoute.. =)
chinaalleway


tks bro.. JMHO! :)

[Thai Rak Thai]

“Life’s short, what you do now will come back to haunt you soon.” this is good. straight to the point. up u bro...:)

[tellmiwhy]

i saw a quote somewhere which i cannot remember but i think its nice. it jus say something like:

"key to a sucessful marriage is nt abt finding someone u love, it abt loving the person that u had found."

any bros/sis agree wif it? :o

[JWNY]

"key to a sucessful marriage is nt abt finding someone u love, it abt loving the person that u had found." Ok...this song may suit this line..

JWNY Bryan Adams (Feat. Barbara Streisand)
Song: I Finally Found Someone

Ohh yeah...mmmmm

I finally found someone, who knocks me off my feet,
I finally found the one, who makes me feel complete.

It started over coffee,
We started off as friends,
Its funny how from simple things,
The best things begin.

This time its different, (nah nah nah nah)
Its all because of you, (nah nah nah nah)
Its better than its ever been,
Cause we can talk it through...

My favorite line,
Was can i call you sometime?
Its all you had to say,
To take my breath away.

Chorus:

This is it,
Oh i finally found someone,
Someone to share my life, i finally found the one,
To be with everynight
Cause whatever i do, its just got to be you
My life has just begun, i finally found someone

Did i keep you waiting? i didn't mind.
I apologize. Baby thats fine.
I will wait forever just to know you were mine.
You know i love your hair, are you sure it looks right?
I love what you wear, isnt it too tight?
Your exceptional, i cant wait for the rest of my life...

Repeat Chorus

Cause whatever i do, its just got to be you
Oh my life has just begun...i finally found...someone.

[jonah11]

For me personally, i try not to compare as there is no end to comparison. There will always be 2 sides to a coin...there will always be 2 outcomes. Sometimes, we get the "worse off" side of the coin because of our decisions. I always think there would be no one better than my gf, because if i thought otherwise...i would be conceding an avenue for her to make mistakes, even before she is my wife ;)

JWNY

Bro, thanks for your advice. I have this feeling only when I am with her. With my ex gf, I agree with what you said. Just her and her only. Probably also, my ex gf was more chio and more friendly as a person.

With my current gf, she takes good care of me. But she has a bad temper and at times she bully me esp when she is an extremely smart woman.

Physically, she is not very good looking. But I stick with her cos she really takes good care of me.

Since at times because of her looks, I cannot bring myself to kiss her properly. And worse, I still frequent HCs and Geylangs to satisfy what she could not satisfy me.

[tellmiwhy]

Ok...this song may suit this line..

JWNY


cool bro jwny. thanks.

rather than trying to compare the person beside u wif somebody else who fulfil ur "ideal gf" fantasy, might as well learn to slowly appreaciate watever she has and learn to love her more?

i stil remember gigi leung quoted in a shw (i cannot remember the name) askin the male actor who kips complaining that her current gf has alot of flaws. "u always say that she has alot of flaws, but did she ever complain abt ur flaws?" i think its something like tat....after that shw, i've learnt to appreciate my gf mre as i also didn't remember her complaining abt me although i told her the things tat i dun like abt her. :( :o

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

i stil remember gigi leung quoted in a shw (i cannot remember the name) askin the male actor who kips complaining that her current gf has alot of flaws. "u always say that she has alot of flaws, but did she ever complain abt ur flaws?" i think its something like tat....after that shw, i've learnt to appreciate my gf mre as i also didn't remember her complaining abt me although i told her the things tat i dun like abt her. :( :o

love is abt acepting what she is and not digging up all the flaws he/she has.humans are like that,not many will knw or even accept their own flaws.learn to be appreciative or what u have now and be happy abt it.dont brood and grieve over when it's gone,by then it will be too late.

[tellmiwhy]

love is abt acepting what she is and not digging up all the flaws he/she has.humans are like that,not many will knw or even accept their own flaws.learn to be appreciative or what u have now and be happy abt it.dont brood and grieve over when it's gone,by then it will be too late.

agree wif u bro. but like u've said. alot of human are like tat, when they dun have it, they try every ways to get it. when they've gt it, they take it for granted. after they've lost it, they regretted it. seems like thats the case for alot of my friends.

no offence by quoting "it" as i m refering generalli to alot of things and nt onli relationships.

cheers! :o

[JWNY]

Since at times because of her looks, I cannot bring myself to kiss her properly. And worse, I still frequent HCs and Geylangs to satisfy what she could not satisfy me. In my honest opinion, this is not a healthy sign, long term. Who deosn't want to make love most to that special someone rather than someone else? You should try to remedy this bro...slowly :)

Is she apprehensive or...?

JWNY

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

agree wif u bro. but like u've said. alot of human are like tat, when they dun have it, they try every ways to get it. when they've gt it, they take it for granted. after they've lost it, they regretted it. seems like thats the case for alot of my friends.

no offence by quoting "it" as i m refering generalli to alot of things and nt onli relationships.

cheers! :o

i knw how it feels as i am one of the foolish group.i should be married now and probably wont be so active in the cheonging scene which i feels ultimately will bring me to nowhere.anyway,there is no room for regrets,life still goes on and still waiting for "her" to appear and sweep me off my feet.:)

[JWNY]

rather than trying to compare the person beside u wif somebody else who fulfil ur "ideal gf" fantasy, might as well learn to slowly appreaciate watever she has and learn to love her more? i tend to agree...compromise can slowly be cultivated into a willingness to do something...the truth is, at the end of the day, if it doesn't work out for whatever reasons...then it just doesn't, no matter how much one tries...but the important thing initially was...did we try our best :)

Talking in a relationship is good...lots of it. And quarrels are inevitable...if someone tells me, as a couple, they've never quarelled...it's like telling me, there's never been rain in their country :cool:

JWNY

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

In my honest opinion, this is not a healthy sign, long term. Who deosn't want to make love most to that special someone rather than someone else? You should try to remedy this bro...slowly :)

Is she apprehensive or...?

JWNY

i agree this is an unhealthy sign,something must be done to rectify this if not i am afraid a tradegy might happen.

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

i tend to agree...compromise can slowly be cultivated into a willingness to do something...the truth is, at the end of the day, if it doesn't work out for whatever reasons...then it just doesn't, no matter how much one tries...but the important thing initially was...did we try our best :)

Talking in a relationship is good...lots of it. And quarrels are inevitable...if someone tells me, as a couple, they've never quarelled...it's like telling me, there's never been rain in their country :cool:

JWNY

well said,in the end so long u can tell urself if u failed u are convinced completely that u have tried ur best.Occasional quarrels do wrks its magic sometimes. =)

[JWNY]

i should be married now and probably wont be so active in the cheonging scene which i feels ultimately will bring me to nowhere. Don't say that bro...married men also succumb to the temptation of vice. Maybe you think now it brings you nowhere...but as long as you deemed it was money well spent...that is good enough, no one can justify or quantify how "good" is good. We all have our pet peeves :)

JWNY

[jon2000sg]

i knw how it feels as i am one of the foolish group.i should be married now and probably wont be so active in the cheonging scene which i feels ultimately will bring me to nowhere.anyway,there is no room for regrets,life still goes on and still waiting for "her" to appear and sweep me off my feet.:)after cheong for all these years
and missed quite a lot of oppoerunities with some good women to settle down, I've left things behind and realised it's time to save up for retirement.

life is short, enjoy while you can
thatz what they say - work hard and play hard...

still spend some on cheong each month... :D

[tellmiwhy]

i knw how it feels as i am one of the foolish group.i should be married now and probably wont be so active in the cheonging scene which i feels ultimately will bring me to nowhere.anyway,there is no room for regrets,life still goes on and still waiting for "her" to appear and sweep me off my feet.:)


dun worry bro. humans are made in pairs. so definitely u wil meet "her" who make u feel that u r the luckiest and happiest person in this world. ;)

cheers.

[dirtymonk82]

The grass will forever be greener on the otherside, if we keep on jumping ship, there will be no end to it.

At the end of the day, learn to be contented with what you have. The second best is also one of the best. :)

[tellmiwhy]

i tend to agree...compromise can slowly be cultivated into a willingness to do something...the truth is, at the end of the day, if it doesn't work out for whatever reasons...then it just doesn't, no matter how much one tries...but the important thing initially was...did we try our best :)

JWNY

well said bro. at least we wun regret abt the outcome no matter wat it is becoz we've tried our best. so if it doesnt turn out to be wat we wanted, maybe bcoz it was just nt meant to be. ;)

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

Don't say that bro...married men also succumb to the temptation of vice. Maybe you think now it brings you nowhere...but as long as you deemed it was money well spent...that is good enough, no one can justify or quantify how "good" is good. We all have our pet peeves :)

JWNY

i knw but life might be very different.maybe i will lose a lot of freedom but i am sure she will compensate with her company & TLC.the succumbing to vice temption have reached a record high for myself ever since and i am not sure if that is what i aimed to achieve which i strongly believe no will aim for that.How good is good,interesting analogy,even i myself do not have the answer.Life's a joke sometimes isnt it?:)

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

after cheong for all these years
and missed quite a lot of oppoerunities with some good women to settle down, I've left things behind and realised it's time to save up for retirement.

life is short, enjoy while you can
thatz what they say - work hard and play hard...

still spend some on cheong each month... :D

i realised the fact too that life is short so we need to enjoy as much as we can but eventually i do stop and ask myself where is this bringing me to?Spiritual or sexual enlightment?i believe the latter would be more appropriate.perhaps it's time to step on the brakes and do smth more meaningful to my life.:)

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

dun worry bro. humans are made in pairs. so definitely u wil meet "her" who make u feel that u r the luckiest and happiest person in this world. ;)

cheers.

thks for your kind words of encouragement bro.May all bros who shared the same plight like me got the same blessings for me as well.:)

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

At the end of the day, learn to be contented with what you have. The second best is also one of the best. :)

i like this statement of urs bro,well said!:)

[JWNY]

i knw but life might be very different.maybe i will lose a lot of freedom but i am sure she will compensate with her company & TLC. Life's a joke sometimes isnt it?:) Ahhh...the "what if's" ~ that's another collection of stories altogether...:p

JWNY

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

Ahhh...the "what if's" ~ that's another collection of stories altogether...:p

JWNY

yeah man,if we were to bring in the "what ifs" we can start a brand new story again.:o

[jonah11]

In my honest opinion, this is not a healthy sign, long term. Who deosn't want to make love most to that special someone rather than someone else? You should try to remedy this bro...slowly :)

Is she apprehensive or...?

JWNY

I am now in a mix..... Dunno how to remedy.....

Nope. She is not apprehensive. But during courtship, it seems that she is more assertive than me, ie she is the one that proposes more dates than me? Like now, she keeps telling me that a lot of people asking when we are tying the know......

Some of my friends saw her and they say that she is a good woman but beware of her temperament.

Then one day it came to my knowledge that one of my acquaintances was her cousin and he confirmed my fears.

We spoke about her temperament during the early courtship days. It improve a lot after that but can see that it is there lah.

I am the one who is apprehensive in that one day if we get married, she will turn back to her bad temper and maybe even worse. Since we are married, we are in short being tied down already.

I do not know what to do.......

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

I am the one who is apprehensive in that one day if we get married, she will turn back to her bad temper and maybe even worse. Since we are married, we are in short being tied down already.

I do not know what to do.......

bro,what i can suggest is u two find an opportunity,find a nice place sit down and talk abt it.pour out all ur concerns,let her knw what u r thinking and what can be done to improve the rship.same thing,allow her to tell u what she is thinking.frm there work out a few feasible solutions to see what can de done.A rship involves 2 parties,there is absolutely nth u can do by urself.hope this wrks for u two.:)

[JWNY]

I do not know what to do....... If you are not ready, it is your responsibility to tell her. Don't fret about making her sad...because 1 heart broken for now...is better than 2 or more (kids) in the future.

Do you love her?

Do you see her temper as a major barrier, ie - can you overlook it?

You may not be ready now..but later on, still, you must be honest with YOURSELF first...then her

Don't worry bro...many here willing to help you :)

JWNY

[jonah11]

If you are not ready, it is your responsibility to tell her. Don't fret about making her sad...because 1 heart broken for now...is better than 2 or more (kids) in the future.

Do you love her?

Do you see her temper as a major barrier, ie - can you overlook it?

You may not be ready now..but later on, still, you must be honest with YOURSELF first...then her

Don't worry bro...many here willing to help you :)

JWNY

Thanks bro and all bros here. I really appreciate it very much.

That is part of the reason why I reduce my postings in this forum.

Sometimes not happy lah if u know what I mean.

Her temper can be a major barrier esp she is the sort of person that wants things her way.

Love her? Well, I love her and am grateful to her for things she done for me. Sometimes I beginning to wonder whether she is doing all these for me so that I can marry her. Will she stop these things after we get married?

I got a feeling that she is doing all these things for me now. It may be temporal. How I know? I look at the way she treats her parents and know how bad and stingy she can be with them.

Btw, I know the parents before I knew her. Both her parents are very good friends with me.

[jon2000sg]

i realised the fact too that life is short so we need to enjoy as much as we can but eventually i do stop and ask myself where is this bringing me to?Spiritual or sexual enlightment?i believe the latter would be more appropriate.perhaps it's time to step on the brakes and do smth more meaningful to my life.:)something more meaningful means settling down and tying the knot; and give birth to a few new lives???

so that's life?

life is all but all about money, esp in SG

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

something more meaningful means settling down and tying the knot; and give birth to a few new lives???

so that's life?

life is all but all about money, esp in SG

that might be one of the means but that is not in my mind at the moment.Life is what u make it up from.Life to each and every individual differs.:)

[jon2000sg]

since this is a forum, hope you can share your views of your life philosophy

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

Love her? Well, I love her and am grateful to her for things she done for me. Sometimes I beginning to wonder whether she is doing all these for me so that I can marry her. Will she stop these things after we get married?

I got a feeling that she is doing all these things for me now. It may be temporal. How I know? I look at the way she treats her parents and know how bad and stingy she can be with them.


there is always 2 sides to a coin,she may be as gd before marriage and worse after that,have it ever occured to u she might be better?anyway,things are hard to say,it all boils down to whether are u able to accept her no matter what she becomes.so longer she dont overdo it,it should be ok.:)

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

since this is a forum, hope you can share your views of your life philosophy

ermm bro are u referring to myself or?sorry if i sound a bit lost today..hee..:o

[jon2000sg]

ermm bro are u referring to myself or?sorry if i sound a bit lost today..hee..:oto you lah, you seem like someone well read and knowledgable; pls share lah, thank you bro

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

to you lah, you seem like someone well read and knowledgable; pls share lah, thank you bro

wah bro,u see me too up liao,i am just gd at crapping.someone who used to cheong and leave my heart all over the place.i used to have a thread "Falling in love with KTV girls" which have all my foolish love games over them.as for what i shared here is my life experience with my last ex of 3 yrs.she taught me what is love and how to love and she is the only one whom can make me understand how it felt to be really loved and cared for.i am the happy-go-lucky kind of guy,i try not to expect much cos i also believe in the higher the expectation,the greater the disappointment will be.i am a guy who can be very easily contended if the right one comes along.:)

[Malaysian Datuk]

yeah man,if we were to bring in the "what ifs" we can start a brand new story again.:o

Bro if you bring in the "what ifs" then never ending already.....if you have seen the movie 'Sliding Doors' (starring Gwyneth Paltrow) or even 'The Buttery Effect' (starring Aston Kusher) then you'll know what I mean and you end up pondering if there could have been alternate outcomes.....for me whenever I hear George Michael's 'A Different Corner' over the radio, it will trigger me asking myself what could have been (I think this is a line from a Tiffany or Debbie Gibson's song)

[toothbrush]

Bro if you bring in the "what ifs" then never ending already.....
Like what u always tell me, "just do it" worried later, at least it would reduce the possibility of thinking "if i have done it". :rolleyes:

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

Bro if you bring in the "what ifs" then never ending already.....

thats y after much thoughts i decide to drop the "what ifs".too much pain for the bros here to discuss them abt.hee~;)

[Malaysian Datuk]

Like what u always tell me, "just do it" worried later, at least it would reduce the possibility of thinking "if i have done it".

You taking it out of context bro....Now dealing with "the one you LOVE may not be one you MARRY".....we talking about profound issues like LOVE & MARRAIGE here....:rolleyes:
The NIKE slogan apply only when dealing with LUST, SEX, CARNAL PLEASURES etc.....please dun distort my teachings:mad:

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

The NIKE slogan apply only when dealing with LUST, SEX, CARNAL PLEASURES etc.....please dun distort my teachings:mad:

ya lor..wait ppl see liao go do wrong thing then headache ar.;)

[Toyota Honda]

i thought i had married the man i loved most

but it turned out that he's:

- irresponsible
- violent
- bad-tempered
- selfish
- immature

most of what he say was dua-kanging me. marry liao den turns out most of the time he talk big only. even to me and family, he act as if he knows everything and has got it all under controlled. he do bizness wait for people to look and refer to him instead of actively going out to look for sales. so we have many other commitments and bills, i end up bao-ing everything for him. even his handphone bills and loans. summore i take home 1k a month. how to maintain? my savings running dry but he also dont care. never thought about saving money for the house. everytime talk to him about money he say he's stressed out. i'm the one working my ass off, feeding and clothing him, giving him a shelter and he's telling me he's stressed out? i come back still need to do housework, cook and keep him company.

what is love? i think it's BS. at least, in my case, it's already faded... i loved him but he just made me give up on him.


Sister, your story has made me want to tell this situation of mine now...

....4 years ago I met a lady at my workplace who was almost in the same situtation with you... Her hubby simply bo chup, wants to be a metrosexual man and doesn't even want to make love with her at times... She almost divorce him until he said he willl repent... They never divorced.. and had 1 kid soon after... she told me he has changed for the better.

But 4 years later now, she and I has developed an 'intimate' relationship... We love each other deep enough... But she can't divorce him for the sake of the kid... And we both can't be togerther permanently... She sort of regretted... And I told her, 'if only I had met her earlier....' It was heartaching...

I guess, this is all but fate...

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

She sort of regretted... And I told her, 'if only I had met her earlier....' It was heartaching...

I guess, this is all but fate...

Fate like life itself can be cruel at times but we still have to overcome it and move on.Hope all is well for u now.

[Toyota Honda]

Fate like life itself can be cruel at times but we still have to overcome it and move on.Hope all is well for u now.


Bro, thanks for your well wishes..

Like what I have mentioned in other threads, I am currently nursing a bad heartbreak since last year.. my longtime gf who has been with me from the time I ORD, Uni, employed till self employed last year.

I used to be a very big player, be it FLs, WLs or having lots of girls by myside.. But when I started my business and decided to settle down with her withthin the next 4 years. who knows 4 mths after starting business, she left cos a guy from her part time studies was going after her... It was really tough and difficult for me that time... Plus so many problems financially and from work issues..Cried so many times in office out of fear, desperation and heartaches..

At least now life is better.. Many times when problems arises from work, I still yearn for that particular someone whom I can relate to.. I don't.. But at least I can focus on working to solve it..

When there arer good news like company breaking even or even clinching some deals from big companies, I also would yearn to share these good news with that someone... But I don't.. And I start thinking of her again.

So bros and sis, I may not be married nor attached... I may not be older than you all... But, I hope at least you look at my situation and think... At least you have someone.. He/She may not be perfect, but he/she can be there for you... Yiou are much better off than peolple like me..

And to sis, you know when your guy loves you.. No matter how bad he might be, he will still be with you... Just forgive him..

And as I am typing this, I had a tear dropping down my cheeks cos it made me think of her and my failed relationship...

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

So bros and sis, I may not be married nor attached... I may not be older than you all... But, I hope at least you look at my situation and think... At least you have someone.. He/She may not be perfect, but he/she can be there for you... Yiou are much better off than peolple like me..

And as I am typing this, I had a tear dropping down my cheeks cos it made me think of her and my failed relationship...

Bro,i am with u,i knw how it feels.The feeling of being lonely & empty inside and yet there is no one u can turn to when u really needed someone.Be strong and i believe the right girl of ur dreams will come to u just as i wished my girl of my dreams will come to me.let's meet up for drinks someday.i always liked to share views on love life,maybe i should wrk part time as a love consultant or some kind.:)

[asdfghjkl]

my longtime gf who has been with me from the time I ORD, Uni, employed till self employed last year.

read your case i also sad sad.. sama sama.. :(

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

read your case i also sad sad.. sama sama.. :(

wanna share ur story with us if u don't mind?

[YELLOW]

so many sad stories told her by bros and sis........
all of us are imperfect beings........
us and our mates........
so let try to love an imperfect person perfectly..........
good luck to us all.........

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

so let try to love an imperfect person perfectly..........
good luck to us all.........

love an imperfect person perfectly-what a well-put phrase.:)

[JWNY]

Love her? Well, I love her and am grateful to her for things she done for me. Sometimes I beginning to wonder whether she is doing all these for me so that I can marry her. Will she stop these things after we get married?

I got a feeling that she is doing all these things for me now. It may be temporal. How I know? I look at the way she treats her parents and know how bad and stingy she can be with them. It really sounds you being with her is more of obligation of some sort rather than love itself. If you didn't knew her parents initially...would you still see yourself being with her? (this will answer your doubts)

JWNY

[JWNY]

life is all but all about money, esp in SG In life, one would need money...more or less, it doesn't matter, everywhere it is essential. The issue lies on where is the line drawn...ask a million women...you will have 1 million different answers...:)

JWNY

[JWNY]

so let try to love an imperfect person perfectly.......... Well said..."Love is when you shed a tear and still want her, it's when she ignores you and you still love her, it's when she loves another man but you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is...cry." :o

JWNY

[jonah11]

It really sounds you being with her is more of obligation of some sort rather than love itself. If you didn't knew her parents initially...would you still see yourself being with her? (this will answer your doubts)

JWNY

Bro, I answer your question honestly to myself. During my initial courtship days, I would not have gone for her if I did not know her parents.

As our relationship progress, I realise that somehow she becomes a part of my life and vice versa. She becomes my helping hand, a partner to me though I am still the lone ranger and independent type and many things still keep from her. However, we took trains, buses together. When I change jobs, she was there for me. When I face challenges and difficulties, she gave her support to me. When I need someone to speak and think the same wavelength and frequency as me, she is the one. That is why I say she took care of me and I love her as a person. And today if I did not know her parents, I will still go after her.

However, I still fear the institution of marriage. Human beings fail you someday. I have seen and heard from so many people that long long time ago, they used to love each other so much but today they are in court for divorce. Some of these common reasons and one of them which is the most common and yet most fearful is that they change hearts and no longer love you. Where is the security?

Further, I fear her temperament. As some of you might agree, as a woman age and grows older, their temperament change if not for the worse. Esp when they are late 30s to 40s..... This is a factor we guys may have to face or have faced or facing.

Finally, like I say in the initial posting, I still look and ogle at other women when I am with my gf. Despite how hard I try, I will still look at them and sometimes turn to HC and Geylang for release and excitement. Maybe I have a high sex drive...... Yah for your information, both of us do not believe in pre martial sex.

[Spud_Boy]

just got into this thread..

actually quite depressing after readin the posts from the bros & sis exp.. myself attached to gf for 3 yrs.. view her as the potential 1.. but recently been frustrated over our r/s.. there's nothin wrong between us, but just feel it has reached a stage where there r less nice suprises etc.. feels mono.. & the mind starts to wonder around.. i know i'm stupid to have such tots when i got a caring gf that loves me.. but really dun wanna let her down either.. :(

really hope to keep the fire goin..

[JWNY]

During my initial courtship days, I would not have gone for her if I did not know her parents.

As our relationship progress, I realise that somehow she becomes a part of my life and vice versa. And today if I did not know her parents, I will still go after her. I think...this is enough proof for me...that you love her most :) ...for the other major thing...kindly refer to my earlier post.

JWNY
Originally Posted by JWNY - Short poll:

How many of you guys and girls...have loved someone so much, but the sex is terrible...really unenjoyable...but loved sex so much with someone else, but not want to commit to that person just because it's the sex that is GREAT?

[sammyboyson]

My mother loved my father the most. My father is a good man. He don't cheong all because he loves my mother most.

Now my papa and mama are living happily ever after. :D

[Deztruct]

it's when she loves another man but you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is...cry." :o

JWNY

how many of us can really do this? all i can do is to juz not say anythin n shed my tears in slient

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

Well said..."Love is when you shed a tear and still want her, it's when she ignores you and you still love her, it's when she loves another man but you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is...cry." :o

JWNY

wah..so noble.wish i can find that someone whom i can do all this for her,even thou it is going to hurt me badly,it's gd to have loved a person so dearly before.:)

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

how many of us can really do this? all i can do is to juz not say anythin n shed my tears in slient

sad to say this is what i had been going thru for my last rship.now that she is happily married(i think),i need to reconstruct and move on.:(

[JWNY]

sad to say this is what i had been going thru for my last rship.now that she is happily married(i think),i need to reconstruct and move on.:( Sad but true bro...

(not referring to you) but sometimes, men hesitate and don't make a move...a woman follows another "signal". It happened to my friend recently as he was unsure after a 7 year relationship...now it's gone. He was in tears when we met up...he was just "unsure"

I told him: "Ship in harbour is safe....but ship is supposed to sail"

JWNY

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

Sad but true bro...

(not referring to you) but sometimes, men hesitate and don't make a move...a woman follows another "signal". It happened to my friend recently as he was unsure after a 7 year relationship...now it's gone. He was in tears when we met up...he was just "unsure"

I told him: "Ship in harbour is safe....but ship is supposed to sail"

JWNY

for me its slightly better cos i am the one who choose to let her go cos at that point of time i dont knw what went wrong with me as i told myself she wont be very happy and might suffer with me so eventually i choose to let her go..:(

[JWNY]

for me its slightly better cos i am the one who choose to let her go cos at that point of time i dont knw what went wrong with me as i told myself she wont be very happy and might suffer with me so eventually i choose to let her go..:( Honestly, that is really nice to hear on a Sunday morning

Why? Because it takes ALOT for a man to do it. It's like someone who commits suicide..it looks really easy...but it takes alot of guts to do it.

But just one thing i will point out, if you don't mind. Her idea of happiness and yours may not be the same - ie, your expectations of yourself may be higher. :)

JWNY

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

But just one thing i will point out, if you don't mind. Her idea of happiness and yours may not be the same - ie, your expectations of yourself may be higher. :)

JWNY

perhaps u r right on this,i may hv high expectations of myself.through the yrs we are together,she nv really complain anything to me.maybe this time round i really make a wrong decision.at least i can tell myself she may be better-off when she is with him now compared to be with me.:)

[jng1103]

But just one thing i will point out, if you don't mind. Her idea of happiness and yours may not be the same - ie, your expectations of yourself may be higher.

Agree. What's our views may not be hers. It's hard to let it go but things happened happened for a reason. Sometimes it's a blessings in disguise, sometimes it's a boat that we couldnt afford to miss. There's always two sides of a coin but who are we to judge?

I learn to be strong and move on to be a better person. That's the least a person can do :)

jimbo

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

All this talk reminds me of a song by Robbie Williams:Better Man.:)