Those getting married...think twice

[acer3939]

Before marriage.
Darling here.. darling there...
After marriage.
Baling here... baling there..
Before marriage. .
I die for you. . .
After marriage.
"You die, up to you. "
Lagi lama married. .
You die I help you!

Before marriage. .
You go anywhere. . I follow you.
After marriage. . .
You go anywhere. . up to you.
Lagi lama married. . .
You go anywhere better get lost!!

Before wedding
you are my heart, you are my love"
After wedding
"you get on my nerves. "

Before wedding
"you are sweet and kind just like Cinderella"
After wedding
"you are worse than godzila"

Before wedding
Roses are red, violets are blue. Like it or not, I'm stuck with you
After wedding
Roses are dead, I am blue. You get on my head, I will sue you

Before wedding
Every makan he brings you to Shangri-La
After wedding
You want to go, he says you wait-la

Before wedding
She looks like Anita Sarawak ( donkey years ago! )
After wedding
Don't know whether katak or biawak

Before wedding
Weekends at Cameron, Genting and Fraser's Hill
After wedding
Furthest you go is Maxwell Hill

Before wedding
He opens the car door
After wedding
He opens his mouth and snores

Before wedding
She / he was your ideal
After wedding
She / he becomes your ordeal

hehe...future hubbies...be careful...and future wives...be aware.......................!!

[DNAT]

if dun get married then when old dat time ask cewek to take care meh? :p wait she hilang with all my $ ... :(

[mahalosux]

walao..uncle..no more pic posting liao..now ur posting got a lot of 'ink'..kekeke:D

[mahalosux]

if dun get married then when old dat time ask cewek to take care meh? wait she hilang with all my $ ...

i help u 'safekeep' ur money..then ur money will not hilang liao loh...:D

[FUCKYOU]

wowkaoz acer..u like that say us guys good meh?? i am a good guy hor..

DNAT is a 4 eye monster. :)



Before wedding
Every makan he brings you to Shangri-La
After wedding
You want to go, he says you wait-la

[acer3939]

Keke this is a warning to all getting marry keke:D

[王小虎龍虎鬥]

Married already how :confused:

去鬼涽來麻木自己....:D

[acer3939]

~~~~~如何远距离辨别处女~~~

这个世上除了男人，就剩下女人。女人以处子可爱。当我们与形形色色的女孩交往时，我们多么想知道她是不是处 女，虽然她是还是不是，绝大多数是不关我们的事，但我们若要去一个地方，总希望去个没有污染、没有人破坏、 没有人践踏的处女地，去寻找自已曾有的天真、浪漫、与梦想，为什么奥远圣火的采集要纯洁的少女 担纲呢。

　　不然，如果我们面对一个忸怩作态，装腔作势，把自己包装得天底下最纯情的女人，其实是个冒 牌的假货，我 们却对其心存幻想，甚至其伪装的误导之下，做出不明智、浪费感情、超越自身承受能力的事，到头 来吃亏的就只 能是自己了。

　　当然，我们羡慕那些能与一个个女人亲密接触的人，通过身体的语言，来交流，来判别，这样会 更为准确地把 握。但我们大多数人是没有这个福份的，在此，就如何远距离判别处女，与有兴趣的人共同交流与分 享。

　　这里所说的远距离，并不是说距离有多远，而是指不通过对方身体的接触，在正常的男女交往中 ，用观言察色 来作出判断。你不仿一试，很有效的。

　　处女有以下基本特征，还是从头说起吧：

　　发：青涩，缺少非常的光泽，比较随意，不加修鉓。这是因为处女还未被男人的口水所滋润，雌 性素还未激发 出来的缘故。

　　眼：瞳孔是清澈透明的，周围是纯天兰色的天幕，仿佛正在拉开，对世界充满好感。特别是眼眶内的蓝色，非 常非常之美，无法科学解析和破译。真的。看一看我们自己的眼睛吧，多么混浊，充满委琐、惊恐、怀疑、疲惫、 不知所措，一双双冲满血丝的红眼，把自己推向欲望的深渊。唉，这个世界啊！

　　脸夹：下颚靠近颀脖处常因天气热而会泛出一片淡淡的红晕，星星点点，白里透红，煞是好看， 我们称之为“ 处女晕”。这是因为经过十几年的成长，处女膜的阻隔自初潮起经血一次次的限量排出，多余的血精 凝结成初春的 朝阳，泛上了羞涩的面颊，成为青春的风景。

臂：少女们都喜欢幻想，常想张开双臂拥抱大阳，但只是想一想，她的臂还无法去拥抱一切，因为她还没来得及拥 抱一个男人。所以，处女的臂是双挟的，在她扔东西的时候，特别是奔跑的时候，你要认真观察，上臂总是紧贴乳 侧，肘以下总是张得很开，这样强烈的反差是我们判定处女的一个有效方法。

　　乳房：这点比较难把握，因为现在胸罩五花八门，再好的肉眼也无法判断。但有一点，就是处女 的乳房它的成 长是直立的，行走时容易颤动，非处女的乳房一个明显的特征是靠近手臂的地方有一个外弧形，比较 性感。这是受 压之后产生的反弹，而演变为乳基外延。

　　腰：非处女走路时腰会随着腚部向相反的方向是轻微的抖动。无法做到步伐一致。

　　臀部：这里可能要多说几句，因为这个部位离处女膜最近的地方。它是护膜有保垒。也是开苞的先躯、受难地 。试想，当一个男人压在我们可爱的小女身上的时候，这个位置承受着多少风雨与重压，它负重着一个男人鱼水之 欢得意忘形的分分秒秒，它实际负重是这个男人体重的1.5倍以上，男人那硕大的千斤顶向处女最柔弱的故园， 处女膜只有步步退让，最终是我们的臀与坚实的地面接壤，它成了男人情欲的工厂的基石，我们伟大的地球是不会 抛弃每一个受欺的人，洁白的双股顶住了一次次进攻，保垒已被攻破，你说它还能完好如初吗。不能，绝对不能。 当她再一次站起，行起在无人的街头，连她自己都感到有些异样。是的，让我告诉你的变化，你走起路来，臀部上 下摇晃，或左右或前后不禁觉的勯动，与美丽的腰肢已无法做到步调一致才能得胜利，一个后力使它下坠或提升。 那怕你刻意掩饰，都没有用了。你的屁股已不是颗青桃而是片熟肉。除非你用被子把屁股包起来。

　　腿：修长的腿让人神往，但当它举过一个个男人的头顶时候，你唯一想做的，就是想一想什么时 候我也能高举 一面伟大的红旗啊。请你注意，处女的双脚靠近阴部的地方是没有那怕是一丁点的缝隙。如果有，你 可以做出正确 的判断了。

[acer3939]

Married already how

去鬼涽來麻木自己...

Hope it's not too late!!! keke

驚喜的新婚之夜 http://play8.tom.com/upload/27866.mpeg

[王小虎龍虎鬥]

Hope it's not too late!!! keke
Married liao too late to change, but it's not too late to cheong :D

[mykhel13]

Just to share something...

People say a man goes through 3 rings (like LOTR!) in life.

1. Engagement Ring
2. Marriage Ring
3. Suffering after marriage!!!!

How true is this bros? :p

[Castrol]

Before wedding
Every makan he brings you to Shangri-La
After wedding
You want to go, he says you wait-la

!!

i have never brought my wife to shangri-la, but i always tell her to wait-la... when i ask the waitresses to go out with me although i'm married, most of them will say, "you wait long long la..." :D

[DNAT]

i help u 'safekeep' ur money..then ur money will not hilang liao loh...:D
dun wan lah, i scare you take my money to 'tiap' your CKMM(s) :p

[霸龙在天]

bro acer3939,

You are scaring me , Im planning to propose on chirstmas eve but now must think twice after reading your post..keke :confused:

[chickenzip]

A mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by her son's house after he was recently married. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house to see her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.

"What are you doing?" the mother-in-law asked.

"I am waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law replied.

"Why are you naked?" asked the mother-in-law.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law replied.

"Love dress? You are naked!" said the mother-in-law.

"But my husband loves it when I wear this dress. It makes him happy, and he makes me happy. I would appreciate your leaving now because my husband will be home any minute."

Soured by all of this romantic stuff, the mother-in-law left. On the way home, she thought about the "love dress" and got an idea. She undressed, showered, applied her best perfume, and waited by the door for her husband to come home.

Finally, the pickup truck pulled into the driveway, and she took her place by the door. The father-in-law opened the door and immediately saw his wife naked by the door.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," the mother-in-law replied.

"Maybe you should iron it first," he said. :D

[chickenzip]

A man and a woman had been dating for about a year, and their relationship was getting serious. The man proposed marriage, and she accepted. However, she told him that she wanted him to know that her chest was just like a baby's. He said that he loved her and that her measurements didn't matter to him. He told her that his penis was also like a baby's. She said that she loved him and that size didn't matter.

Come the day of their wedding, all went well. That night, the happy couple checked into the honeymoon suite at a resort hotel. The blushing bride was in the bathroom putting on a sexy nightie. Her husband was in bed waiting. As she entered the bedroom, she reminded him of her confession about her chest being like a baby.

"Don't worry, honey," he said.

She took her nightgown off, and her breasts were the smallest he had ever seen. He said that he was going to get undressed and reminded her of his confession about his penis being like a baby.

As he took his pants off, the new bride said, "Good God Almighty. I thought you said your penis was like a baby."

"It is," he said. "9 pounds and 21 inches long!" :D

[chickenzip]

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to
go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the
jungle and waited by a path.

Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Oh
dad, there's one."

"No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to
even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The
son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough."

"No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the
fat in that one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous
woman. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that
one dad. Let's eat her."

"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother." :D

[chickenzip]

Female Bashing

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?

A; None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?

A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Q: Why do women have smaller feet then men?

A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q: How do you fix a women's watch?

A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven.

Q: Why do men pass more gas than women do?

A: Because women don't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling

at the front door, which do you let in first?

A: The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.

Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?

A: A women who won't do what she's told.

Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?

A: Divorced.

[Microsoft]

Before marriage.
...
After marriage.


Huh??? Let mi guess.... U jus kena xtra frm ur oc izit?? Kekeke :D :p

[acer3939]

Things Your Wife Will Never Say

1. I'll swallow it all.. I love the taste.


2. I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy.


3. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.


4. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, and make an afternoon of it.


5. God, if I don't blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!


6. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for you..


7. Let's subscribe to Hustler.


8. Let's take pictures so your friends will believe you.


9. Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!



10.That was a great fart! Do another one!

[Randi_Candi]

i help u 'safekeep' ur money..then ur money will not hilang liao loh...:D
U dun chak unc D hor........he wu gwee bah ban kor, u wu boh?:p

[DNAT]

......he wu gwee bah ban kor :p
Indo Rupiahs ... oi RC, you indirect side kick think I duno ya? :p

[Randi_Candi]

Indo Rupiahs ... oi RC, you indirect side kick think I duno ya? :p
unc D, me?
U say i indirect kick u?

So sad.........:p
Oi! Ar Fool said he v disappointed u no show the last round, so u better go n organise an orbeet fiesta hor

[DNAT]

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother." :D
hahaha CZ ... si bey kueh-gian ... :D

[DNAT]

So sad.........:p
Oi! Ar Fool said he v disappointed u no show the last round, so u better go n organise an orbeet fiesta hor
ah fool ... aiya he goon-do goon-do 1, mai hew lan him lah :D
The last round where was the meet (I wonder cos you at east he at west ..)

[Randi_Candi]

ah fool ... aiya he goon-do goon-do 1, mai hew lan him lah :D
The last round where was the meet (I wonder cos you at east he at west ..)
Last round I brought him 2 a pub in the central part
heh heh.......WPP n RL also came mah
Then there was LS, Turbo n guys too........

Aiya......mai gong li liao lar......
NDP over liao u stil flying planes???:confused:

[DNAT]

Last round I brought him 2 a pub in the central part
heh heh.......WPP n RL also came mah
Then there was LS, Turbo n guys too........

Aiya......mai gong li liao lar......
NDP over liao u stil flying planes???:confused:
wow WPP / RL also got went (a pub in Central) ? .. not simple leh - Ah fool really got charism. Also, it means the timing must be after 7pm ..

nowadays always bo eng + tiam tiam phua pi ... :(

[Randi_Candi]

wow WPP / RL also got went (a pub in Central) ? .. not simple leh - Ah fool really got charism. Also, it means the timing must be after 7pm ..

nowadays always bo eng + tiam tiam phua pi ...
Hiazzz.......bird flu lar, told u long time ago take pre-caution liao
dun mix w 2 many jiao larng (heng ah! i long time no c u, if not u sure blame me.........:p )

Yeah.....it was after 7, nearly 8
We drank n drank n left only abt midnite......thk WPP is cinderalla?:D

[Microsoft]

thk WPP is cinderalla?

Zun boh?? Lidat i go bio him after mid nite. But scarely turn into a troll then how?? :eek: :D

[Randi_Candi]

Zun boh?? Lidat i go bio him after mid nite. But scarely turn into a troll then how?? :eek:
Calling WPP.......Ms say u r not human n worse than Kim Siu:p

[DNAT]

......thk WPP is cinderalla?:D
1. oh no, talk abt WPP I still owe him one lunch at Tuas area - think gotta c/f to nx year liao.
2. do u know now can have 2-In-1 SIM ?

"How does 2-in-1 SIM work?
SingTel's 2-in-1 SIM stores two mobile numbers. At any one time, only one of the phone number is "active". All incoming calls & SMS* made to the "inactive" line will be forwarded to the "active" line automatically"

here is the link: http://home.singtel.com/consumer/products/mobile/value_added_services/2in1_sim_overview.asp

[Microsoft]

Calling WPP.......Ms say u r not human n worse than Kim Siu

Nbzz gey yam gey chor again. U make a bery goot chef!! :D :D

[FUCKYOU]

wowlaua DNAT.. this thing long time ago have olready.. now then u advertise. :D

2. do u know now can have 2-In-1 SIM ?

[Randi_Candi]

1. oh no, talk abt WPP I still owe him one lunch at Tuas area - think gotta c/f to nx year liao.
2. do u know now can have 2-In-1 SIM ?

"How does 2-in-1 SIM work?
SingTel's 2-in-1 SIM stores two mobile numbers. At any one time, only one of the phone number is "active". All incoming calls & SMS* made to the "inactive" line will be forwarded to the "active" line automatically"

here is the link: http://home.singtel.com/consumer/products/mobile/value_added_services/2in1_sim_overview.asp
WPP dart bai kio larng kee hor lan 1, u dun naive naive heng yee pian lar

2-in-1 sim? self explained liao mah......
HKG had it a couple of yrs ago.........i dinno ST also has it
Basically they will program 2 nos. in the sim, infact the sim can take min 2 for voice calls line but may not b restricted 2 tat cos it can also cater for dataline n also faxline
So the simple theory is tat u can rcv calls n sms using 1 sim card n not need 2 phones 2 lug around.......but i thk a safer way is 2 hv caller no id cos u do not 1 2 hv a main line 2 rtn calls 2 those cheong activities or kakis or in ur case......ceweks:p

[Randi_Candi]

Nbzz gey yam gey chor again. U make a bery goot chef!! :D
cheh.....after 2.5yrs of TC-ing around no learn then i must b more foolish than ar Fool n more newbie than WPP:cool:

[DNAT]

......but i thk a safer way is 2 hv caller no id cos u do not 1 2 hv a main line 2 rtn calls 2 those cheong activities or kakis or in ur case......ceweks:p
ya rite ... carry 2 handsets more 'SAT' ... :D

[Microsoft]

ya rite ... carry 2 handsets more 'SAT' ...

Psst.... Carry settle light phone lagi sat!! :D :D

[Randi_Candi]

Psst.... Carry settle light phone lagi sat!! :D
nbzzz.....then torchlite leh?
Ever tried headlites?:confused:

[Optimus_Prime]

Before marriage. .
I die for you. . .
After marriage.
"You die, up to you. "
Lagi lama married. .
You die I help you!

Bro Acer,

Marraige Blues ah !! :D Now u say until like dat... I oso frighten...

Member of The League of ExTra HorNy GentleMEN

[Optimus_Prime]

"How does 2-in-1 SIM work?
SingTel's 2-in-1 SIM stores two mobile numbers. At any one time, only one of the phone number is "active". All incoming calls & SMS* made to the "inactive" line will be forwarded to the "active" line automatically"

here is the link: http://home.singtel.com/consumer/products/mobile/value_added_services/2in1_sim_overview.asp
Thanks for the link Bro Dnat, going to check it out.

Member of The League of ExTra HorNy GentleMEN

[Microsoft]

nbzzz.....then torchlite leh?
Ever tried headlites?

Who?? U r?? U cnot! U got ku tien mei!! U mus use pigeon!! Fei ger chuan shu. Next x go ktv mus carry a bird cage. :D :p

[DNAT]

Psst.... Carry settle light phone lagi sat!! :D :D
liew ... carry signal set lah

[DNAT]

Thanks for the link Bro Dnat, going to check it out.
no problem .. just share something which might be useful for cheongsters :D (when go cheonging switch on 'cheong SIM'; when at home switch to 'Good Boy SIM') :D

think dat kind of value added service got its pros & cons lor.

[Microsoft]

liew ... carry signal set lah

Goot idea. Can soon bian listern 2 pull lice channel c got raid onot. :D :D

[Big Sexy]

What does 2 Sim card have got to do with SEX? ZAP you now!:mad:

no problem .. just share something which might be useful for cheongsters

[waypastprime]

No wonder I cant kept help sneezing..... :rolleyes:

Someone talked bad about me!!!!!!!!!!??????? :D

[DNAT]

What does 2 Sim card have got to do with SEX? ZAP you now!:mad:
Married cheongsters will carry 2 sim-cards - one for household one for cheonging .. you never cheong dats why you duno :rolleyes:

[DNAT]

No wonder I cant kept sneezing..... :rolleyes:
you got bird flu lah ..

[Randi_Candi]

Who?? U r?? U cnot! U got ku tien mei!! U mus use pigeon!! Fei ger chuan shu. Next x go ktv mus carry a bird cage. :D
not only ktv, I go everyw also bring my bird in its fabric cage
not like u, like 2 show off ur bird........sibei hao lian:p

[Randi_Candi]

No wonder I cant kept help sneezing..... :rolleyes:

Someone talked bad about me!!!!!!!!!!???????
WPP.......gai siao lai lar
u got goot things 4 ppl 2 say meh?:p

[tittyhawk]

Bro acer,

Marriage has its pros n cons...whether it's gona be blissful and fairy tale like or is all hell break lose. Its all up to individual's own making.

But my advice still is, regardless, don't get married unless its absolutely necessary.

[tittyhawk]

To the bro who deduct one point, u useless lar, i voice my own opinion also offend u meh?

U got more points to deduct, go ahead, pts are nothing but just numbers in cyber space.

Can u buy true friends with pts?

:p

[acer3939]

Marraige Blues ah !! Now u say until like dat... I oso frighten...sad but true, but that's the truth:(
But my advice still is, regardless, don't get married unless its absolutely necessary.2 thumbs up on that!!! keke:D

[daryl76]

really scary leh... somemore me getting married soon leh
how how how???

[tittyhawk]

really scary leh... somemore me getting married soon leh
how how how???
Yo bro, long time no see u liao....ho sei boh? :)

[acer3939]

how how how??? Don't do it!

[Randi_Candi]

Don't do it!
7e8e on a Sun u cum in n scare Daryl, goot meh?:p

[tittyhawk]

7e8e on a Sun u cum in n scare Daryl, goot meh?:p
Not scare tactics, but speaking fm real life experience...

[BS_KTV Lover]

How come nobody ever start the thread before me married?:mad:

[tittyhawk]

How come nobody ever start the thread before me married?:mad:
Come to think abt it, married aint the end of the world.
There r oso other things we cant enjoy as singlehood.
Its give and take, u sacrifice something and u gain something.

:)

[daryl76]

Yo bro, long time no see u liao....ho sei boh? :)

ya lor bro... very very long no see hor
still the same lor, hows life??

[jaymz21]

siah la... i juz got married. should have read this thread earlier!

[tittyhawk]

ya lor bro... very very long no see hor
still the same lor, hows life??
Ya lor, think abt half a year at least liao...
Still as hot as ever eh?

[acer3939]

WIFE VS.HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted
to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband
asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "IN-LAWS."

[acer3939]

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use
a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"



PERFECT CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so
stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so
you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted
to
you!"

[acer3939]

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the
coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then
we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you
should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed
him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"



THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the
next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AMfor an early
morning business flight.


Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he
knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his
wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."

[xanatos]

wah, after reading all these jokes... it really got me thinking if i should get married at all!

[Castrol]

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed
him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

."

"HEBREWS" beer only. :D