Sexless Before Marriage, Sexless After Marriage?

[maybelee]

Hi all, just curious whether anyone is in the same situation as me.

Before marriage, my husband is a very traditional man, and would only like to have sex after marriage.
I personally am an open lady and after countless rejections from him, I got sick of it and stopped initiating.
On our wedding night, we are too tired to make love, we simply slept after counting our angbao money.
After marriage, I guessed we are too used to each other (we have been together for many years) so we basically lead a sexless life.

I wonder how long we can sustain being in a marriage like this...

[Nodbody]

not really. but i think give him some time. Maybe start with foreplay before engaging. Maybe he shy :p

[Arucard]

Srsly that would be a big problems, you should speak with ur husband about ur thinking and perhaps listen to what is his thinking. I think you two shld break that "barrier" after all it not sex but the intimacy that is important. However that mine opinion

[sean69]

not really. but i think give him some time. Maybe start with foreplay before engaging. Maybe he shy :p

Maybe he gay?? :eek:

[maybelee]

We have spoken about it many times but nothing seemed to work. I think we would both like to make things work but I am at my wits end....

He is inexperienced and not kinky.. I would say he only know at most 3 sex positions, so sex has always been quite an unpleasant experience for me so far. We never reached the cumming stage at all.

However, to be fair. He is really a good husband. Caring for me and taking care of me.

Would appreciate genuine comments, thanks..

[Nodbody]

Inexperience or not kinky is not a problem. Can watch some video and slowly build up. What i suspect is his confidence level. did you notice he has a hard on when you all get intimate? he probably has some setback in the past which is why he do not dare to try.

[maybelee]

He does, then it dies down after awhile. He might be too nervous he said. But things didn't get better after some tries..

[ioioiio]

some people who are abused when younger may react like that. I personally think its psychological.

[keigo300]

Is it possible that he is gay? And trying to hide it with a normal marriage? No offence ya, just saying.

[alan0338]

Maybe he gay?? :eek:

i think so too! :eek:

[eee1]

I have the same experience. Sexless after marriage.
No break through at all. Roar.

[will88]

I don't think he is a gay, just an obstacle that he need to overcome. I have a friend's wife that is also exactly the same as your husband. They manage to overcome the issue after a few visit to doctor that gave her some counseling and advice. They now lead a normal sex life like any other couple.

Suggest going to a doctor that can give your husband counseling and also advice to overcome this obstacle on sex.

[Brainstorm]

You wrote in your story that you are prone to heart attacks. If your health condition is really that bad, he may not want to touch you for fear of triggering an attack. In such a case, will you still blame him for treating you with fragile care?

[dk1903]

hi, maybelee. i don't think u have too big a problem.
afterall you have said he is a good husband and takes very good care of you.
he does ALL these because he really loves you.

remember, the no of times your husband makes love to you DOES NOT determine how much he loves you.
i have friends offering fantastic sex life to their wives, yet they are still chiong-ing outside.
so, first of all before you think so much about sex, think of what else he has offered you.
if u think he has done a great job, then let nature take its course.
i am sure some time down the road, maybe when he is less stressful at work, he will become horny. no worries, the horny gene is coded in EVERY man's DNA.

BUT if you really like to accelerate the program, maybe the following will help :
1. walk around in sexy lingerie (of course provided you guys are staying on your own and not with in-laws)
2. watch some soft-porn or hard core porn (maybe he can get some tips there)
3. massage him a little or oil him even, so that he can feel relaxed and less stressful (guys always perform better when there is not so much stress)
4. a HOLIDAY always help (we are always horny when we are overseas, the thought of us being alone in a foreign land is a good place to start any love or erotic story)
5. well, role playing has been known to do miracles (maybe he has always had a fantasy about banging his teacher or seeing a naughty dentist, etc!!)

i think i have said too much. that should do for now. :)
i hope it works out for you. I have seen too many failed marriages that I really hope more marriages can survive the test of time.
all the best!! :)

[TehN|]

Pretty obvious problem here. To guys sex and being a husband is usually 2 different things. Meaning u are definitely attractive to him as a wife calibre but not a sexual calibre.

Well sis u really need to speak to him. Find one day where he is in a mood to talk, tell him u have ur needs. Can he provide more to u in bed. Come on, he is a guy, meaning he doesn't like hints. Direct is sometimes better here.

[wolfclan]

Hi Sis, guess its both parties needed to work on the issue.
When I first married, me and my wife also did not have successful sex for quite a while.
After many tries, we successfully consummate our marriage and now we have a lovely kid.

But our frequency is very low, I mean the time we have sex, as she is probably LSD, wherelse I am probably higher LSD.

So as some others suggested, might be worthwhile to visit a doc to sort it out.

All the best and take care.

By the way, your story is very nice.

[wolf2305]

Sis, I believe U r not the only one in this type of situation

Similar in your case, this time round the roles are switch in my case. Tried too many time, but have to keep trying. I have to agreed with some bro on the inexperienced part and kinky, I introduced porn and for a moment the sex is alive. However, it didn't last long.

My two cents worth, is to be the one keep initialing, else you will end up finding one outside. (Case similar but does not end well for me)

[maybelee]

You wrote in your story that you are prone to heart attacks. If your health condition is really that bad, he may not want to touch you for fear of triggering an attack. In such a case, will you still blame him for treating you with fragile care?

I don't blame him, for I know it takes two to make a marriage work. I seen alot of broken marriages in this forum (true or not i dont know), but there r real cases ard me offline too.

My health is a factor, but usually it is not because of that. We spoke and talked abt the reasons, possibilities n am working towards a better solution.

hi, maybelee. i don't think u have too big a problem.
afterall you have said he is a good husband and takes very good care of you.
he does ALL these because he really loves you.

remember, the no of times your husband makes love to you DOES NOT determine how much he loves you.
i have friends offering fantastic sex life to their wives, yet they are still chiong-ing outside.
so, first of all before you think so much about sex, think of what else he has offered you.
if u think he has done a great job, then let nature take its course.
i am sure some time down the road, maybe when he is less stressful at work, he will become horny. no worries, the horny gene is coded in EVERY man's DNA.

BUT if you really like to accelerate the program, maybe the following will help :
1. walk around in sexy lingerie (of course provided you guys are staying on your own and not with in-laws)
2. watch some soft-porn or hard core porn (maybe he can get some tips there)
3. massage him a little or oil him even, so that he can feel relaxed and less stressful (guys always perform better when there is not so much stress)
4. a HOLIDAY always help (we are always horny when we are overseas, the thought of us being alone in a foreign land is a good place to start any love or erotic story)
5. well, role playing has been known to do miracles (maybe he has always had a fantasy about banging his teacher or seeing a naughty dentist, etc!!)

i think i have said too much. that should do for now. :)
i hope it works out for you. I have seen too many failed marriages that I really hope more marriages can survive the test of time.
all the best!! :)

My husband does love me alot, and yes. I would not marry him if i equate no. of sex to hw much he loves me :)

Thank you for taking the time to write the suggestions. Actually we have done all that, but he is just too unkinky (is there such a word) to go with these scenerios.

Sex is part of marriage but not an absolute i believe. But.. How long will this last?

Hi Sis, guess its both parties needed to work on the issue.
When I first married, me and my wife also did not have successful sex for quite a while.
After many tries, we successfully consummate our marriage and now we have a lovely kid.

But our frequency is very low, I mean the time we have sex, as she is probably LSD, wherelse I am probably higher LSD.

So as some others suggested, might be worthwhile to visit a doc to sort it out.

All the best and take care.

By the way, your story is very nice.

Its really lovely to hear this from someone who has successfully walked out from that period. Makes me feel i aint alone.

Thank you for liking the story.

Sis, I believe U r not the only one in this type of situation

Similar in your case, this time round the roles are switch in my case. Tried too many time, but have to keep trying. I have to agreed with some bro on the inexperienced part and kinky, I introduced porn and for a moment the sex is alive. However, it didn't last long.

My two cents worth, is to be the one keep initialing, else you will end up finding one outside. (Case similar but does not end well for me)

I received alot of msges in private to have some fun, to find others since my husband is not giving me enough. I understand where they r coming from. But i dont think i will find one outside, anymore.

Being in an affair isn't for everyone. Ruining the marriage aside, i couldn't take the emotional turmoil again. So yup, dun tink i'll find another.

I hope things between you and ur partner will be better.

[dk1903]

My husband does love me alot, and yes. I would not marry him if i equate no. of sex to hw much he loves me :)

Thank you for taking the time to write the suggestions. Actually we have done all that, but he is just too unkinky (is there such a word) to go with these scenerios.

Sex is part of marriage but not an absolute i believe. But.. How long will this last?

.[/QUOTE]

wow, i can't believe that you have tried all of these and it did not work.
there is only ONE thing left to do. .
. . sit him down and ask him WHY is he so "unkinky"

sometimes, no need to do so many extra things because we never tackle the problem head-on.
all we are doing here is mere speculation and using traditional remedies.
BUT each individual is built differently.
maybe he feels inadequate that's why he does not enjoy sex.
maybe he so stressed at work that SEX is the last thing on his mind.

ASK him directly so that a correct prescription can be found.
don't give up on him because he sounds like a real nice fellow!!

[maxman]

It is much more common that husbands complain the lack of sex after his wife had given birth to his first children. It is a more common than many couples would want to admit, but search the web and you will not find a shortage of such complaints.

Your problems is a probably less common but it still exists. I'm not an expert, but I'm inclined to believe that your husband's inexperience (or lacking experience) with sex could indicate something about (A) his attitude towards sex (maybe due to strict religious values or strict upbringing that has negative perception towards sex?), or (B) his lack of confidence in having sexual intimacy with women. Again, I say I'm not an expert, but he has had this disinterest in sex even before you married him, so his issues are probably something to do with his past or upbringing.

While I understand that we, both men and women, want good satisfying sex, it is not too bad that he totally doesn't want sex at all. On the flip side, if he was a raging horny roving man, you would probably worry if he goes rooting everything woman who wants/lets him.

I would say see a marriage counselor or sex therapist or some expert in this field.

Anyway, seriously, if he has been a good husband so far, feel grateful for that. I'm sure any woman would want herself to have a good husband, but in this day and age, not many do find that man. It is also vice versa.

[Brainstorm]

Just thinking aloud, what would you advise your female friends who are about to get married? What will you say to them to ensure they don't end up in your current situation? Say no to 'no premarital sex'?:p Say yes to test-driving the guy's sexual ability before marriage? Never thought I would say this but your problem could have been solved by pre-marital sex. Some people even encourage co-habitation or long holidays together before marriage.

A lot of guys have many relationships before marriage. Sometimes among the guys, we try to find out why the relationship failed. Sometimes we get answers like 'we broke up because she don't suck cock' to 'fuck already then realise she not virgin' to 'she's A cup lah, no breast to play damn sian' <--(damn stupid excuse because it's so obvious she is A cup even with clothes on). The most classic answer was she had hairy nipples and that turned him off. Pre-marital sex is actually quite useful. It prevents sexual mismatch from happening. :D

Don't you girls gossip about the sex performance of your bfs? Like I know one guy's nick is Ultraman. His nick might sound very fierce but it's actually very sarcastic. Everyone knows Ultraman can only ding ding ding for 3 minutes before he loses all power. :D

[crazyivan6636]

Hello dear, perhaps try some videos, the Japanese ones are quite good but don't choose those hard sex ones.

If you are not afraid to get pregnant, then do it with him with you initiating it. Ride him from the top until he comes inside you. Top it off with a nice polishing of his knob with your mouth showing him you love and respect him.

Another way would be to pleasure him with a great knob polish, kneel down in front of him and polish it till he cums ub your mouth, swallowing whole.

Sometimes the guy needs some practice and training, for extreme measures, some of the folks have tried a tantaric consultant.

[riowilly]

sis, refer to what you had experienced before, im a guy and my situation isnt similar to you but maybe you can think if its true.

your hubby loves you yet isnt performing sex with you. i do have a similar feeling may equate to what he thinks. he married you could be because of he felt he needs to be responsible towards you, not actually loves you.
my wife and me had sex only max 4 times a month or sometimes even lesser. i had 2 kids and the way i felt is that i do have a responsibility to take care of her since i already marry her.
i confess that i do have an affair outside and everytime we had sex, its different feeling, its due to i love her. i felt like kissing her everytime we meet, i felt like having sex with her everytime we have the chance.
this may not be true but i conclude that your hubby doesnt loves you, its just a responsibily to take care of you. thats all.