is it time to end?

[barnes]

hi bro, i just wanna share this experience and seek some feedback on the next course of action...

i have been with this girl (fb) for some time and everthing is good... she is about to get attached or at least there is someone going after her and she is happy been with him... she is probably not ready to commit into a relationship yet but she knows this guy is a good catch and is someone she can see a future with at least as a bf...

so the story goes that we have been seeing each other although there is no way we can commit to each other due to my complication... it is just fun hanging out... we are pretty similar in nature and everything is nice whenever we are together. however, in recent times, it is starting to get very tiring for the both of us as i think she is starting to feel the strain of our relationship... i cannot give her all my time when she needs it and she is already having someone else there who can... i know there is still chemistry and attraction between us but she has hinted several times... maybe it is time to stop... be normal friends and not carry on as such... like she said, "nothing will come out of this and i m just wasting my time..."

i hate letting go although i m not the emo or sticky type... it is just that u can say i m selfish and do not want to let go of a beautiful experience i am having now esp when i know there is nothing inherently wrong between the two of us if u look at the whole experience exclusively and ignore all other factors around us... u can call me selfish most probably but i hate letting go esp when i love her company, like her and the time we spent together and the things we do... (we did everything already).

right now, it is getting tiring for me as well... gradually but surely. We are still hanging out and having fun. we dun really talk much about letting go although it does pop up in our conversation occassionally and i can tell she dun mind letting go. my feel is that she can let go and wants to let go but she wants it to come from me and the reason is because she still likes me enough not to let go herself. she said her attraction for me is slowing eroding away as we have kinda reach a submit and there is nothing much left to scale... i agree with that assessment and i know i can give her much more. i think i have reach my max as well... on hind sight, maybe i want to maintain her attraction for me as well... ego maybe bah hehehe. i want to make her continue liking me and i do not like the fact that she is slowly not liking me anymore...

eventually i want to carry on being friend with her. maybe it will take a while for us to cool down before things get back to normal but she was a good friend to begin with and nothing more.

for all the bros out there, what would u do? make a clean break chop chop or just hang on till one day cannot take it anymore or just wait for her to end it lah... just fuk it and have fun in the meantime :)

thanks in advance

[LostALau]

Bro Barnes, You have repeatedly admitted that u are selfish and indeed you ARE.

It is not always able to see a beautiful flower bloom and u are lucky in this respect. After the full bloom, the flower will wither. Hanging on to a flower which is withering is not what a wise guy will do.

Time to enjoy, enjoy. Time to let go, let go. ........ The Chinese saying 'Can take up, can let go.' My two-cent worth.

[Toyota Honda]

.... time we spent together and the things we do... (we did everything already).

.... i want to make her continue liking me and i do not like the fact that she is slowly not liking me anymore...

eventually i want to carry on being friend with her. maybe it will take a while for us to cool down before things get back to normal but she was a good friend to begin with and nothing more.

... just fuk it and have fun in the meantime :)


I have highlighted the selfishness you have shown in this relationship. Let her go lah... Take it as a good deed.

I am no saint either. I used to have this fb who loved me although she claimed she doesn't. Did everything for me, supported me and even forgive me for hurting her time and again. I know I should have left her for her sake, but I just love the things we do on the bed, car, office etc. and I chose to be selfish.

But 1 thing for sure is... Although she is still my fb as of now, I have taken her as my gf already and I am planning to propose to her this year end and she doesn't know it. I am doing this beacuse she has touched me with the things she has done and committed even though she is just a 'fb''. She deserves me giving her an official status.

If u can't give her what she deserves, let her go. Cos you don't deserve her in the 1st place. Let other guys take care of her and make her hapy (emotionally,, not just physically)

[Jack Sparrow]

Plenty of fish in the ocean matey. Move on you savy?

[LostALau]

I have highlighted the selfishness you have shown in this relationship. Let her go lah... Take it as a good deed.

I am no saint either. I used to have this fb who loved me although she claimed she doesn't. Did everything for me, supported me and even forgive me for hurting her time and again. I know I should have left her for her sake, but I just love the things we do on the bed, car, office etc. and I chose to be selfish.

But 1 thing for sure is... Although she is still my fb as of now, I have taken her as my gf already and I am planning to propose to her this year end and she doesn't know it. I am doing this beacuse she has touched me with the things she has done and committed even though she is just a 'fb''. She deserves me giving her an official status.

If u can't give her what she deserves, let her go. Cos you don't deserve her in the 1st place. Let other guys take care of her and make her hapy (emotionally,, not just physically)

Bro THonda,

It brightens my day to hear your story. You are one who is 'yu zhing yu yi'
I love that and I salute u and I feel happy for u and your present fb who is going to be your future wife. Hard to find a gal as described by u. Please cherish her forever and my best wishes to u both. :D

[Civil]

I like to fcuk and run. The best fcuk is always the next girl to fcuk.

[Torch_Man]

let's put it tis way:
if d situation is reverse (ie, TS hvin sum1 hopin 2 b attach wif) will TS let d FB go???
or
perhaps continue hvin d best of both worlds??? (veri tiring running 2 different places wif different excuses)

till d kettle blow its boilin pt......

TS, is ur choice 2 make???

jz sharin

[Oralcraz]

Hi TS, YES. Is time to end....(especially if yr complication means u are attached/married).
Share my experience with u. Few yrs ago, hv problem with wifey. Lack of sex, lack of luv and care. Very down emotionally. At the verge of divorce. Come along a beautiful, sexy colleague who is 12 yrs younger then me. Share good conversation and has good mature mindset. Wah! How to tahan! So, decided to seriously consider a new relationship. However, this lady has a bf who is a 2 timer. So, when bf 2 time her, she spent time with me. We were intimate but no sexual intercourse. Although very tiring and taxing, relationship was pleasant for about 6 months until.....one day.....I decided to spy on her. Told her will be outstation for 3 days but was at her opposite blk on one of the afternoon. Notice bf at her house (no one else at home). Try calling but for 30 mins no one answer. Notice bf came out fm house and left. At that moment, tears were on my eyes. Told myself, Heng Ah. A day later when asked.....admitted was f...... with him. Totally devastated but then I said to myself, afterall who am I to her??? So, I just :) and that's it. Ended and later she left the company.

So, buddy, is yr call. Good luck.

[owen10]

i knw it's easier said than done but on an ethical pt of view, i feel its better for u to leave her. since u mentioned 'no way we can commit to each other due to my complication' and tt 'but she knows this guy is a good catch and is someone she can see a future with at least as a bf'.

frankly, i thk with 2 guys (1 tt she likes while d other, seemingly she feels comfy with but regard more like a companion) in d picture it may confuse her n make things complicated. leave her so tt she can concentrate n devote herself wholeheartedly in her r'ship with d potential bf.

juz my half goal worth ... (me not a veteran in r'ships lah :P)

[fanclrock]

Do it fast.or else when the relationship is going deeper and deeper,it will be diffcult to for both of u to end it..

[flaredflame]

Big Ocean out there... move on my man

[sonic280]

aiyo. to me, i oso kena b4. what i did is that, had a clean breakup. it will not hurt u tat much. and there's more girls out there. just wait patiently and a good one will come to u...tats wat i experience. anyway it is just a piece of advice from me.:)

[barnes]

hi all bros,
as usual my call for help did not go unnoticed. i thank you all for the support and advice. my reply to yout thread to clarify matter: (no order of merit, i start from the earliest post down)

LostALau
u r right... can take up must be able to put down... taking up was easier than putting down although gravity seems to work the other way better (sorry lame joke...). the flower is starting to wither liao and i think i m just waiting for it to look ugly or at least detest me enough to walk away

Toyota Honda
bro, unfortunately, i cannot never give her any status... she is just one of those person in life that comes too late and i will never waiver on my current commitment no matter what... i think guy r different from girl in the sense that it is not all about love... we have a great sense of commitment once we make our stance and no matter what happen, we will endure till the end...

i think bro can understand this fact. we guys r not as heartless as girls when it comes to commitment which is also one of the reasons why we stray secretly hahaha... sometimes i wonder if this is a good thing...

whatever it is, i can only look back at this and enjoy the experience i had with her. anything more i cannot give liao.

Oralcraz
this sense of jealousy and processiveness over her is wrong like u said. "who m i to her" she can do what she wants since i m doing what i want anyway... it starts to get confusing esp when the two of us have been invovled for a good 9 to 10 months and sometimes fb is no longer fb-like but more gf-like... this is esp true when there is more than the physical aspect of the relationship and we move deeper into the emotional aspect of it. i have close gal fren before but this is the first time i have kinda become emotionally involved... i tend to be very careful not to let the gal and myself fall into this love trap... i view it as totally unnecessary... I WAS CAREFUL.

similar thing that happened to u happened to me but i never tracked her lah... i just suspect but sometimes things u dun know and u just conjure up yourself can be more damaging to yourself as u let your mind wander... she dun want to tell me much about the other guy which i respect but sometimes the question that beckons is "why dun u tell me since we both know we r important to each other..." confusing but totally unnecessary thoughts...

finally
once again, thanks all bro for the contribution. i will think through this... i m procastinating to be honest... i foresee this ending very soon... v-day coming round the corner so if the other guy acts, i will stop. i dun like to date attached girls... not my style.

keep your advice coming. thanks all. happy v-day!!!

[mldue]

yes. you've had your share in her life. and in view that she has someone better for her, it's like returning her a favour for the good times she's shared with you.

selfish as you claim to be, at least the notion of letting her go is there. do the right thing.

[bangbangben]

From your side of the story, I believe she still has feelings for you but obviously the other man can make up in area which you surpass him.

I'll give u different ways to look at this situation
Clean cut
Pros
- At least she won't have a headache and heartache.
- You doing her a good deed.
Cons
- You won't get another fuck nor her company again.

Remain Friends
Pros
- At least you got her company.
- the day things don't work out with him, she'll come back to you.
Cons
- This is a temporary friendship status, you know that being your selfish character, you would want to screw her again.
- You would be back at this stage when the above happens.

Honestly, you ain't that selfish if not, you won't have started this thread.
My sincerest opinion...
Let go and if you really can't bear, remain distant friends. which I sincerely would not advise you.

[adrianus]

Hi Bro,

I do not think that you are selfish having started this thread... Most guys in your shoes would find it very hard to let go (the ego, the sex, etc)...

However consider this... given that your commitment will never waiver (I know how it is), she is bound to get very frustrated one day... Are you then clean enough in your relationship with her such that she will not go telling on you some day?

Letting go now seems to be the best way out...

[Frankiestine]

bro take it from one who has been down this road....walk away with the sweet memories while it is still possible because to push it further will only destroy both of you...

who knows maybe a few years down the road when she has finally settled down, both of you might still have the opportunity of resuming this relationship of convenience and it will be all the more sweeter..because then she would have fully understand the rules of the game..

[Frankiestine]

but then I said to myself, afterall who am I to her??? So, I just :) and that's it. Ended and later she left the company.

bro understand how you feel...in fact when my affair came to light.... i was sore by the fact that my lover was actually seeing another guy behind my back...oc told me off and said "He is single, are you?"

[LostALau]

Hi Bro
However consider this... given that your commitment will never waiver (I know how it is), she is bound to get very frustrated one day... Are you then clean enough in your relationship with her such that she will not go telling on you some day?
Letting go now seems to be the best way out...

Bro adrianus, yr statement 'Are u then clean enough in yur relationship with her such that she will not go telling on you some day' hit the nail on the head.

I was with this milf for some time, spending time together sharing the same interests but no sex involved. (I have serveral good female friends but never considered sex. I believe u don't bonk every female u meet).

I was with her because I trusted her, believing that she would not betray me. I was shocked and disappointed that one day when my OC found out and confronted her, she pushed all the blame to me and, in defending herself, realved that I had other female friends beside her. On the other hand I had tried to protect her by refusing to answer all the quries by my OC.

I have been betrayed many times by some male friends in the past and I thought that this time it is an exception. Now I believe that, whether males or females, in time of urgency or when interests are involved, they will not hesitate to pull your back leg.

The morale of this incident is, always tread with care. Don't let the person closest to u know too much of your life in case he/she turns against u one day.

[Bigbluebird]

TS, you had your fun and it's time to move on. Everyone deserves some happiness.

If you can meet her outside without the usual thoughts of bonking her, then you can consider continuing being friends with her.

I had this FB in the past, great rider, good figure and extremely high sex drive. Took me a while to let it go and move on, regardless having new targets or not :)

[barnes]

hi bro,
thank you all for the good advice seriously. the common consent is to let go for the good of her and me. i agree of course and i am working towards that. actually sometimes, we all know the answer ourselves already just that we need to rant about it somewhere to feel better.

oh well for better or for worse, i will let go sooner than later... hehehe maybe after a few more bonks... dun think bros here will disagree with that right? ha

have a happy v day u all :)

[Oralcraz]

bro understand how you feel...in fact when my affair came to light.... i was sore by the fact that my lover was actually seeing another guy behind my back...oc told me off and said "He is single, are you?"

Bro Franky, yup. I share yr sentiment. Actually having affairs like this is very tiring isn't it. Beside the pleasure of intimacy, I think most of the time is very taxing. After that incident till now, never wanted another affair.

[Oralcraz]

I was with this milf for some time, spending time together sharing the same interests but no sex involved. (I have serveral good female friends but never considered sex. I believe u don't bonk every female u meet).

I was with her because I trusted her, believing that she would not betray me. I was shocked and disappointed that one day when my OC found out and confronted her, she pushed all the blame to me and, in defending herself, realved that I had other female friends beside her. On the other hand I had tried to protect her by refusing to answer all the quries by my OC.
...
The morale of this incident is, always tread with care. Don't let the person closest to u know too much of your life in case he/she turns against u one day.

Sorry about being betrayed. Yes. Trustworthy friends are hard to come by(male or female). Take it easy as everyone has some point in life, being "play out" before too. Same for me but difference is that I tried to learned something out of it.
Bro Ah lau, as long as no sex, then nothing to afraid of being confronted by OC. I also kenna caught face to face by OC relative while shopping with "gf" at that time. Kenna confront, big quarrel but I steady cos, as long as I did not bonk gf, I don't feel guilty. I'm only looking for luv and care which I'm obviously not getting from OC. We men also need to be sayang u know.

[adrianus]

I think in affairs sure got one party cannot bear to end... The thing I worry most is that if you want to end and the lady doesnt, she may have tons of smses, emails, letters or even photograph of you guys (doesnt have to be in bed) that she can then threaten show to your OC then you will be doomed...

Therefore now is probably a good opportunity to let go... You can continue later on if the both of you want and it will be under different rules (if she is with another guy, she will not want to risk telling on you and expose herself in the process) but then again... women are illogical and unpredictable creatures...

[Oralcraz]

but then again... women are illogical and unpredictable creatures...

Bro, cannot like that say ah! "Tek chuew" ladies one u know. Must not forget that we men are also involved. So with due respect to u, 100% don't agree with yr above comment.

[bigass]

IMHO, it's best to let go. How much can you promise her when you noe that the other can give her hope. Nothing is confirm in the future but who noes when noone take the risk. As I feel, the world is darn big, losing a fb now, u can find one. Every new one is a new experience, so don't feel sore about losing one.

Remaining as a friend is a great idea. If u really do treat her well as a friend, let her have the best of this world. I am sure one day she will be thankful for this decision.

[adrianus]

Bro, cannot like that say ah! "Tek chuew" ladies one u know. Must not forget that we men are also involved. So with due respect to u, 100% don't agree with yr above comment.

Hahaha Sorry Bro, no offense intended to ladies... But I find that they are predominantly ruled by their emotions than their heads and therefore tend to be very hard to predict...

Maybe its just the way we are all wired differently... I am sure in the cozycot forums, the ladies and the fairies are discussing how guys are illogical and unpredictable :P